Chapter 26
“J’adore Canada!” Fran, one of Lili’s friends, flings both arms out, nearly hitting Chloe, another friend who is attending Lili’s bachelorette party this weekend.
“Watch it, Fran,” Chloe says, cradling her baby bump protectively before taking a sip of club soda.
Which Collins has also been drinking all night, I’ve noticed.
Lili’s getting married next month, Kit’s going to have two kids, and what am I, the third oldest, doing?
Pretending to date Flynn Parks and actually fucking Flynn Parks every chance I get.
I’ve had sex with him more times than with all my previous partners combined.
Flynn is insatiable, and around him, I am too.
It’s taken until now, in another country, for me to realize I’ve made a miscalculation, encouraging sex on every available surface of my apartment. I thought with my hormones instead of my head, and it took physical separation for me to approach thinking logically again.
I’m a relationship girl. With a couple of exceptions, I’ve only slept with guys I was dating. I get attached, which I thought would be impossible with Flynn.
My reaction to him surprising me in the Hamptons should have been my first clue. But, no, I had to make the first move, after our fake sex in the bathroom, and take off my shirt.
Flynn has slept with a lot of women. Fact, not supposition.
I’ve seen and heard the evidence. I thought I could benefit from that expertise, that I could diagnose and fix whatever Carson found lacking.
I’ve learned a lot from Flynn, but I’ve never felt inadequate.
I assumed he’d be domineering, demanding exactly what he wanted.
And he tells and shows me what he wants and what he likes, but he’s always more preoccupied with me.
With touching and talking and praising until I lose track of how many times I’ve come.
I miss him.
And that was never ever supposed to happen.
“ ‘Wannabe’ or ‘Dancing Queen’?” Lili leaps onto the open spot beside me, bouncing once on the leather booth.
I stare at her. “What?”
My cousin smiles, adjusting the white Bride-to-Be sash she’s wearing. “I’m trying to decide on a karaoke song.”
“Oh. ‘Wannabe,’ I guess? Can’t go wrong with the Spice Girls.”
“So true. They’ve been an important part of my British education.” Lili winks at me before cupping her hands around her mouth. “Gordie! ‘Wannabe’!”
The guy in the DJ booth flashes a thumbs-up.
Lili knocks her knee against mine. “Why aren’t you dancing?”
I eye the gyrating dance floor. “Not my thing.”
“Bet you’d dance if Flynn were here,” Lili teases. “Wren sent me a photo of you guys waltzing at Atlantic Crest.”
I grimace, glancing at my sister. She’s chatting with Collins, her wild gestures as she explains something making Kit’s girlfriend laugh between sips of soda.
“Very different dancing,” I state, although Lili is right—I’d happily rub against Flynn if he were here. That’s part of the problem. He distracts me effortlessly.
Lili laughs. “True. Thanks for the update on your new boyfriend, by the way. I had to find out from my mom, via yours.”
I fiddle with the pink sash identifying me as a member of the bridal party. “I knew you were busy with the wedding, and I … I was trying to keep things private after everything that, you know, happened.”
“As long as you did it because you wanted to, not because you felt like you had to. People have way too many opinions.”
I sigh. “They do.”
I’ve been dodging the messages from Mallory and the other girls I grew up with ever since that birthday party in the Hamptons, knowing they’ll be fishing for details about Flynn.
Ones I should be bursting to share, gushing about how amazing he is and how happy I am in the hopes that circulates and changes the perception that I’m a depressed spinster.
Instead, I’m reticent to share what feels incredibly personal.
Lili sips her drink. “How serious is it between you guys?”
I shift on the leather booth. “Well … you know Flynn.”
“Not really. Between moving to England and you guys being in Boston, I’ve barely seen him in years. Even when we were together more often, he was mostly off with Kit. Coming up with dares or off partying.”
“He still does both those things.” My cheeks heat as I recall some of the things Flynn has dared me to do. And what happened at the last party we attended together.
I hope it’s dim enough in here that Lili won’t notice. But her eyebrows lift, so I think she might have.
“Yet he convinced Kit, who does know him, that his best friend is going to be his cousin-in-law one day.”
My heart rate picks up at the implication that Flynn mentioned marriage. Then settles back into a normal pace when I recall that’s part of the plan. That Flynn is going to propose, and it’ll be the beginning of the end for us rather than a happy ending.
I shrug a shoulder. “We’re young. We haven’t been together very long. Who knows what’ll happen?”
“You’re right. I hope you also know I’m always here to talk.
I know …” Lili hesitates. “I know you thought Carson was going to propose this summer. Don’t feel like you’re asking for too much from someone else just because he turned out to be a cowardly waste of space who didn’t deserve to breathe the same air as you. ”
I smile at her description of my ex. “I don’t feel like I’m asking for too much.
I’ve just realized … it might be harder to find than I thought.
That working in theory doesn’t equal working for real.
I mean, what are the odds you stumble across your soulmate?
What if Charlie hadn’t come to the Hamptons?
What if you’d had a different roommate freshman year and Kit had never met Collins?
What if Wren hadn’t decided to jump off a cliff the same night as Sawyer did and they’d never met? ”
“Of course Wren’s love story is far more exciting than everyone else’s.
” Lili laughs, flipping her dark hair over her shoulder.
“But, to answer your question, I do believe some things are meant to happen. For example, you’d have met Flynn even if he and Kit weren’t best friends.
You guys overlapped at Dalton. You were at Harvard at the same time.
The way I see it, the universe is really trying to tell you something. ”
I scoff. “Flynn and I aren’t soulmates.”
“Why not?” She takes another sip from her drink, genuinely asking, like she’s not already aware of the answer.
I stare at her. Decide she’s serious. “Lili, he’s Flynn Parks.”
“And you’re Rory Kensington.”
I huff a small laugh. “Do you know how many girls at Dalton had crushes on him? All of them. The second week of 1L, someone joined my study group just because she had seen me talking to him at orientation and wanted to know if he was single. I’m not trying to be self-deprecating—I’m really not—but I’m not delusional either.
We’re not in the same league. He could be with anyone.
Literally. I’ve seen moms flirt with him at your grandparents’ Red, White, and Blue party. ”
“He could be with anyone? He chose you, Rory.”
I exhale, frustrated. The impracticality of lying to everyone was supposed to be problematic because of my guilt, not because it meant I couldn’t tell my cousin that Flynn only chose me because I wasn’t reckless or impulsive or interesting enough for his father to disapprove of our engagement.
That he chose me because of a criteria that had nothing to do with attraction or affection or anything remotely romantic.
“I guess.”
Lili eyes me, hearing the lack of conviction in my tone.
My phone buzzes on the table. I seize it, happy for a distraction. “Shouldn’t you be waiting by the stage for your big moment?”
“For our big moment. That’s why I came over. Come sing with me. As a wedding present.”
“I already bought your present. And there is no way that I’m …” My voice trails as I scan the latest message, forgetting what I was saying.
Flynn: How’s Montreal?
“You’d better not be answering emails.” Wren plops down on my other side, leaning closer so she can see the screen. “Aww. He misses you.”
“Flynn texted?” Lili tries to see too.
“Don’t answer right away,” Wren advises. “Keep him guessing.”
“I have a better idea.” Lili waves at a group of guys nearby. “Yoo-hoo. You four! Over here.”
Lili, like Wren, has little sense of what social anxiety is.
Whereas I sink back against the booth, face flushing, wondering what she’s up to.
Lili scoots out of the booth when the guys approach, standing and holding court as they circle around her.
Her hands move as she talks, the club lights reflecting off the huge diamond on her left hand.
The guys nod, and Lili spins around to face the booth again.
“Give me your phone,” she shouts so I can hear her over the music.
Wren picks it up and holds it out before I can, sliding out of the booth as the guys approach. Two of them sit in the spots Lili and Wren were just occupying, and the other two take up the remaining space. I’m suddenly surrounded by men.
“Everyone smile,” Lili calls. “Gabriel, stretch your arm across the booth.”
The blond man on my left does exactly as she said, beaming at the camera. I smile, too, despite—or because of—the ridiculousness of the moment.
Lili squints at my phone screen, then announces, “Perfect! Thank you for your help, gentlemen. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”
Obediently, the men slide back out of the booth.
Lili returns to her previous spot, passing me my phone with a smirk. “Send that to him.”
I study the photo she took. I curled my hair earlier, and Lili did my makeup with a smoky effect that I don’t know how to create. I’m wearing a dress Wren picked out—low-cut with a small silk bow between my boobs. I look good, I think, and the photo suggests I have my pick of prospects.
Still, I hesitate. “It seems childish.”
“A little jealousy never hurt anyone,” Lili says flippantly. “Charlie and I had sex on the hood of his car after I flirted with some other guys in front of him. This will be even better since he won’t see you until Monday. Trust me.”
I stare at the picture again. Will this make Flynn jealous? He’s possessive when we have sex, and he was annoyed I was talking to Knox. But he knows I would never break our deal—that I’m not going to hook up with a random Canadian man. He’s not even really my boyfriend.
I send the photo, reaching for my cocktail as soon as Delivered appears beneath the message.
Dots appear, indicating he’s replying. They disappear, and I think he decided against responding. But then his text comes through.
Flynn: I fuck you better than any of them could.
“Damn,” Lili says, reading over my shoulder. She pretends to fan herself. “That’s hot.”
I tilt my phone so she can’t see the screen. “This is a private conversation.”
She laughs. “Then don’t have it in public. Be by the stage in one minute, or I’m coming back with reinforcements. I’ll drag you up there if I have to.”
Once Lili has slid out of the booth, I reply to Flynn.
Rory: Only one way to find out …
Flynn: If you’re into disappointment …
I grin at the screen for a few seconds before shutting my phone off, tucking it in my purse, and sliding out of the booth to go sing karaoke.