35. Kane
Chapter 35
Kane
What the hell had I done? I hadn’t felt this much absolute horror in a long time, and I’d grown numb to it. My mind flashed back to the last time the gut-wrenching terror shredded my chest to ribbons. Curses fell out of my mouth in a cascade of words as I watched her fall to the ground at my feet. I fell with her, my knees slamming to the mat as I reached for her. The sickening sound of my fist hitting her face echoed through my head again. Even pulling my throw at the last second wasn’t enough to spare her face from the brunt of my knuckles. What happened? I was so careful to only throw where I knew I wouldn’t hit her, carefully placing my blows with only a small amount of force, not even enough to bruise her. This hit hadn’t been any different. I was sure she saw it coming and would move out of the way, but instead, her blue eyes glinted right before she seemingly flung her face into my fist like she knew exactly where it was going. There was something strange about those eyes that captivated me so much. They blazed brighter in dim light, warding off the darkness.
“Blondie.” My voice cracked and broke through the steel demeanor that I had carefully erected just for her. I reached for her palms that were down on the mat. Her hair had slipped out of her braid, cascading down and blocking her face from my eyes. Jerek rushed to her other side to help her stand, and pure malic dripped from his presence at what I had done. I deserved it, and it was an unspoken thing between us that I would pay for it later at the end of his fists—I’d let him. His protectiveness of Ash was strangely endearing and caused an inordinate amount of jealousy to burn in my chest.
Each of us grabbed an arm and hauled her to her feet. Blood cascaded out of her nose and mouth that matched my own. When our eyes met, she…smirked. Through the blood and her watering eyes, a ghost of a smile covered her beautiful face.
“Guess I better get to medical,” she said. I felt down into where my hand lay on her arm for a glimmer of what she was thinking. The only problem was she hid it—too well. She knew that I could sense her thoughts and had learned how to shove them so far away from me; the only thing I could feel was a hint of her emotions. I expected to feel her pain and embarrassment, but instead I felt defiance and…strength. What was she doing? I wanted to know what was happening in her head more than anything. The hatred I could feel was stronger than anything, like a bad taste in my mouth. She simmered with loathing toward me. If only she could remember.
She kept her emotions and thoughts too well guarded. I had been trying to push her into anger…fear…anything to make her reveal her secrets. I had pushed her to the brink physically, and she took it all in stride. Never complaining, never quitting. I admired her strength, even though I was sure she was crumbling mentally, but her body would never quit. If I pushed her far enough into a breakdown, we could rebuild, but I didn’t know what to make of her at all right now. I loathed myself for putting her through it, but it was the only way for her to become strong enough to protect herself when the time inevitably came. I couldn’t give her all the answers right now, no matter how badly I wanted to. I couldn’t risk the plans I had so carefully laid over all these years.
I ripped off my black shirt and pressed it to her face to staunch the blood flow. The crimson streaks on her delicate skin made my stomach turn.
“I’m…sorry,” I breathed, but my words held so much more than a simple apology.
She shrugged, and her blue eyes glowed in the dim morning light cascading through the large windows. “Just part of training.” Her eyes landed on my naked chest and the tattoos that wove along my collarbone and down my arm. She stopped on the intricately woven design over my heart, inspecting it closer. I could feel the familiarity again, shining in the back of her mind—she didn’t even realize it was there. My hand caressed her arm in the slightest of touches. Remember…please, I’m begging you…remember.
“We should get her to medical before she bleeds all over the mat,” Jerek said darkly, interrupting our stare down, and her eyes flicked away from mine.
I nodded and stepped away, releasing my hold on her arm. I needed to get away from her—I couldn’t do this right now. Another drop of blood dripped to the ground, and I took a steadying breath to control the overwhelming guilt and anguish of hurting her. How? I replayed the punch in my mind again; I had purposely thrown wide. There was no way it would have hit her, unless she ducked at just the wrong moment. But why would she have ducked into the punch and not away from it? I shook my head; I needed to find out what happened the other night with the three soldiers. Maybe my little secret was finally ready to talk.
I wanted to fall on my knees in front of her and beg for forgiveness—to confess all my sins, which was exactly why I needed to get away. I turned my back on them.
“Take her to Jones and meet me at the gate. Tell the doctor to escort her back to her room when she’s done.” I was the worst kind of bastard. I’d hurt her and now I sent her away without even helping. “Make sure no one sees her.” If Etan caught wind of what had happened, I wasn’t sure how it would go down. Not that I was scared of him. No—I was afraid of the power he wielded and that maybe he had enough power to decide that I could no longer “train” her. Maximus trusted me, though; I was the best at what I did. Arrogant, yes, but it was the truth. No one could match me in a fight, and I had found more blondes than anybody else ever had, and I had rooted out abilities when no one else could.
I strode away and out the door into the brisk morning air, only to turn the corner and heave my guts out behind the building.