52. Ash
Chapter 52
Ash
Winter solstice. The day we’d all been waiting for like rain in a drought. I itched to get the day started. Our plan remained intact, and we would be successful. At least, that’s what I kept telling myself. The country yearned for something better–a place with more freedom and if our plan worked, then there would be minimum casualties.
From tiny glimpses into the hallway from my open door, the corridor crawled with people this morning. Maids decorated the hallway in preparation for the winter solstice. Though, the actual party was held in the streets of Hope, where we would be tonight. Maximus and Regina would stroll among the townspeople and ice sculptures, or so I had been told, and Gabe and I would join them.
That was tonight. I had things to do this morning—plans of my own. Gabe was out scouring the city with dozens of soldiers, looking for Liam. Kane informed me that they wouldn’t find him, when I told him I felt guilty for alerting them of his presence. He was hidden in a safe house inside the city and I hoped Kane was right.
Sam and three soldiers sat quietly outside my door when Ryan came in with breakfast. She wore a hat, gloves, and a large coat with a hood obscuring her head.
“It’s colder than a witch’s tit out there,” she said, before shutting the door loud enough that someone on the next floor could probably hear her.
I smiled at her antics. “Did you get it?” I asked as soon as she shut the door.
She produced a key from her pocket with a smirk. “Della is too busy bossing everyone around this morning to even notice, but you still better hurry. I had to cover up because I’m sure there are a few things they are bound to notice.” She snickered and looked pointedly at my light skin compared to her dark.
“It’s perfect,” I laughed, shaking my head. We swapped clothes as quickly as possible, and I tucked all my hair into the cloak.
“Well, do I look like you?” I smirked.
“Not at all, but it’ll have to do. As long as you can get past the goons outside, you’ll be fine.”
She shoved the plates into my hands. “Now go. The King and Queen left for the cemetery ten minutes ago.”
“Wait, Ryan. I need to tell you something in case anything goes wrong.”
Her eyes searched my face. “Spit it out.”
“Kane. His real name is Jackson. I—remember him from when I was young. He’s blonde, and he’s helping the rebellion. Jerek’s helping too. ”
Shock lit up her face, which morphed into anger. “You mean, Jerek has been helping them all this time, and he left me here and in the dark? After everything that happened to Rafe, he didn’t tell me?”
I reached out and placed my hand on her arm. “He didn’t think you wanted to help. He only wanted to keep you safe. The only reason he stayed here was because of you.”
She shook her head. “Asshole,” she muttered under her breath.
“He was only trying to keep his promise to Rafe.”
“Thank you,” she said, grasping my hand on her arm, “for telling me and trusting me. You are the best thing that has come into my life in so long.”
“I promise we will get revenge for Rafe.”
She sniffled and wiped a stray tear that threatened to spill from her eye. “Now go,” she said. But before I could go anywhere, she threw her arms around me, and I squeezed her back. “Oh, I forgot. I found something in the trash. It looked important. It’s in my—well, your pocket.”
I pulled away and dug into her pocket, producing a paper. My paper. The letter I gave Gabe to send to Nan. He threw it away, confirming what I already knew. I wadded it up and hurled it into the trash can.
Ryan’s eyes narrowed in concern. “You okay?”
“I will be,” I replied. After tonight—after I got my revenge.
I opened the door and ducked my head before Sam or the others got a look at my face. I pretended to almost drop a plate to distract their eyes from anything else. I quickly crouched and picked it up, scurrying down the hall. They didn’t notice it was me. Now I was all alone in the halls. I plopped my plates on a hallway table and hustled toward the King’s wing of the mansion, dropping my head as I passed fellow maids in the halls. No one gave me a second glance because of the uniform I wore.
I reached the hallways before the doorway to the King’s wing, which only had one guard standing by the door. The majority of the bustle was centered in the main part of the mansion, leaving his wing with a single guard. I had to think quickly. I peeked around the corner and devised a plan.
I shrieked as loud as I could, and the guard raced around the corner. I threw myself on the ground and faked a sob.
“Ma’am, what’s wrong?” he asked urgently.
“Please, he went that way,” I sobbed and pointed, not looking upward.
“Who?”
“A man. I don’t know who he was. He stole my keys. I think he means to steal the King’s gold.” I didn’t even know where the King kept his gold and jewels.
He sprinted off in the direction of the phantom man, leaving the hallway clear. I stood and ran, my feet skidding to a halt in front of the door, and I shoved the key into the metal lock. The lock clicked, and the door swung open wide before I slid inside and shut it behind me.
A hallway stretched out before me with four doors. I had to choose quickly. Ryan and I had discussed this part, but she was unsure of which room was his. I knew that the King and Queen had separate rooms but that was the extent of my knowledge. I had to find the medicine for Jones. He said the King kept it in his room somewhere.
I hurried to the first door and pushed it open, rushing inside. I quickly realized this was the wrong room. This must be the Queen’s room. Cosmetics lined a desktop below a mirror outside the bathroom. The King would have no use for such things. I left the room and looked at the other doors, I must hurry. The doorway at the very end of the hall caught my eye. That had to be it—the King had to keep the largest room for himself.
I pushed the door open to the grand space loaded with paper, books, and odd trinkets. It seemed like a penthouse of sorts. A large living space opened up before me with a fireplace and couches. Off to the side was a bedroom and a bathroom. This looked right, it had to be the King’s room.
I f I were the King, where would I keep the medicine? I rifled through the bathroom cabinets with no luck. There had to be a secret compartment of some sort in his room. Think, Ash. Where had I hidden things in my room? Of course! The vents. I searched the floor and the wall vents with no luck. It had to be somewhere else, I couldn’t see Maximus crawling on the floor to pull medicine out of a vent.
I was quickly running out of time. Where could it be?
My eyes tracked over the room again, noticing the pictures on the walls. Maybe there was something hidden behind them. I searched behind every one but still came up empty-handed.
I searched every nook and cranny of the penthouse, until I stood staring at the rock fireplace wondering if I was on a fool’s errand. The hearth of the fireplace was built of rock as was the chimney that reached up to the roof. My eyes tracked over it until I noticed the faintest of scuff marks on the wall behind where the rock chimney jutted out of the wall. I stepped over to it and noticed something odd about one of the rocks. Mortar lined the rocks holding them together, except for one. I reached up and pried my fingers between the rocks until it slid out, scuffing the wall ever so slightly. A small box-like space lay behind the rock, built out of the very same mortar that the chimney was made of. Inside, rested a leather bag. I pulled it out and opened it up to reveal a white powdery substance. This had to be it. I wanted to cry with joy and relief.
I shoved the rock back into place. It’d been too long, I couldn’t test my luck at the doorway again; the guard might be back or someone else might be there in his place. I scurried toward the King’s balcony and opened the door to the outside, the cold wind rushing up to greet me. The door clicked shut, and my back brushed the wall, keeping close so if there were men below, they wouldn’t see me. I peered over the ledge and found no guards in sight, only people bustling about with decorations and food, heading toward Hope for the night’s festivities. No one glanced up long enough to see me scale down the side of the building, using the rock siding as a foothold.
I rushed to the medical building, with the medicine tucked in my coat. It seemed as if everyone had taken the day off for the winter solstice. No wounded men sat in the lobby. There was only the girl at the desk.
She paid me little mind as I walked straight past her toward the back, most likely assuming I was another nurse or a maid just delivering something. I had to find Jones, and quickly. I turned a corner and saw Jones’s back as he pulled on a coat to go outside. I hurried forward and called out to him.
His eyes widened in surprise. “Ash. What are you doing here?” he whispered, glancing around.
“I need to speak to you. Please—it’s urgent.”
He ushered me back toward his office and closed the door. “I thought I told you to stay away from here. ”
I pulled the bag of medicine out of my cloak and held it before him. His mouth fell agape. “What did you do?” he asked frantically.
His reaction told me I had found the right bag. “Take it and go. No more working for the King. No more testing on blondes and injecting soldiers.”
“Is this really it?” His hands shook as he reached out for the medicine.
“Yes, I stole it from Maximus’s room myself. Now you must go. Get out of Hope.”
“Where will we go?” He rushed over to his desk and started throwing things into a bag that sat on the floor.
“Go south. Go to Bayview and ask for Izzie of the Isles. Tell them that Kane sent you. There’s a safe haven for blondes. They will take care of Emma.”
He stopped his packing and gazed at me, his eyes welling with tears. “Kane?” he asked and I nodded. We didn’t have time to discuss further right now.
“Thank you. Please forgive me for all I have done,” he said.
I bowed my head. “Just go make it right again, and make sure Emma never has to endure any of this.”
He sniffled and nodded.
“You must go now, today. The King is preoccupied; he won’t notice you’ve left. But hurry.”
“I will find a way to repay your kindness one day, Ash.”
“Well, you can repay it today. I need one more thing from you before I go.”
I made it back to my room with no trouble. I looked up from under my hooded coat and smirked only at Sam as I walked up between the other guards.
Sam’s posture stiffened, and he glared at me before opening the door. Inside the room, Ryan peered up from her seat on the chair. Sam moved into the room behind me. He crossed his arms and glared between us. “What the hell were you two thinking? Where did you go?”
I slipped the coat off my back and handed it to Ryan, not answering his question. We quickly used the bathroom to swap our clothes back while Sam waited. A knock at the door interrupted him right when he was about to ask more questions.
“Princess, I’m coming in.” The next moment, the door flew open, and Kane strode in, glancing at all of us.
“Yes, please, walk right in and join the party.” I snorted, warily glancing at the remaining soldiers in the hall until the door clicked shut.
“What’s going on?” Kane asked, looking over all of us.
“Nothing,” Ryan and I said in unison.
“The Princess just escaped somewhere, and I was trying to figure out where she went,” Sam said.
I rolled my eyes and sat in the chair next to Ryan; the men stood over us, looking at us expectantly. I glanced at Ryan. She shrugged and pretended to inspect her nails in boredom .
“I don’t like this. What are you two up to?” Kane’s eyes moved between us. Ryan’s and my matching smirks had me feeling a deep sense of friendship I’d never experienced before.
“And maybe I’ll go speak with Jerek,” Sam said from where he stood with his arms crossed over his chest. Ryan’s eyes narrowed at him.
“You wouldn’t,” she said, testing Sam’s words.
Sam simply raised his eyebrows, his statue-like facial expression moving ever so slightly.
“Ash, can I speak to you alone, please?” Kane ground his teeth together.
I peered at Ryan, and she gave me a look that meant something like, oh shit, you’re in trouble . I glanced between her and Sam, and, by the look he gave her, I knew the same was true for her.
She stood and grabbed my hand. “Good luck,” she whispered.
“You too.” I chuckled, and Sam opened the door, allowing Ryan to stomp out after him.
The door clicked shut, and Kane stood over me with his arms over his chest.
“Want to tell me where you were?”
“Mm…not really.”
“Ash,” he growled. “This is not a time to play games.”
I leaned forward and glared at him. “I’m not playing games. I’m strategizing for a war that is coming, and I will win.”
“Then tell me where you went. Tell me how I can help. You can’t do this all by yourself. You don’t need to do this all by yourself anymore. I’m here.”
He looked genuinely wounded that I hadn’t filled him in on my plan, and a pang of guilt hit me .
“I stole Jones’s wife’s medicine from the King’s room. He’s leaving. No more using the blondes to enhance the soldiers.”
“ Excuse me ?”
“It needed to be done. Jones is the only one that can make those ‘vaccines’. He’s gone now, and with him goes some of the King’s power.”
“You snuck into the King’s room?” He sat down on the chair Ryan had vacated and rubbed his fingers over his eyes irritably. “Do you know how reckless that was?”
I rolled my eyes.
“And smart.”
My eyes collided with his and his face looked contradictingly disapproving and in awe at the same time. “Genius, actually. I wish I would have thought of that,” he mused.
“Why? So you could get all the accolades for yourself? Oh mighty and cunning leader of the bounty hunters,” I teased. His face went from serious to a brilliant smile in zero seconds flat.
“You still think so highly of me.” He chuckled. “But seriously, I wish you would fill me in on your plans. You don’t need to do this alone, Blondie. I know you still don’t fully trust me; I felt it.” He stood and cursed under his breath. “If I could kill Etan for all the ways he has messed you up, I would.”
Kane came over and knelt in front of me. The man that held so much power knelt before me, gathering my hands in his own. “I’m here. Let me help you.”
I pulled my hands away too quickly before he could read my mind and see the vial that rested in the pocket of my coat. He couldn’t know…no one could. They wanted to capture the King, but if that didn’t work, I had to ensure that he wouldn’t live to tell the tale .
“You’re hiding something from me,” he murmured.
“Stay out of my head,” I said with no real force behind it. The truth was, I wanted him there, but there was too much at stake to trust another man with pretty eyes right now. Even Kane.
“I thought we sorted some of this out when we spoke last.”
I stood and walked away from him, gazing out of the window. I didn’t want to talk about the state of our…relationship right now. There was too much at stake. “Did Sam find out anything about the Dark Rise’s plan?” I asked, deflecting.
Kane’s reflection in the window stared back at me. His posture slouched, and his head bowed in defeat. Tears threatened my eyes for what I was doing to him. It was the only way—he’d stop me if he knew my plans.
“Yes, they’re planning to have a sniper take you out at dinner.”
I nodded. “Good, our explosions will happen before then.”
The heat from his body radiated to my skin as he moved behind me. “Ash, promise me that whatever you are planning is not a suicide mission. I cannot live if something happens to you. I will let you make your own choices; I will not stand in the way of things that you want to do, but please don’t ask me to go to the Pit and release the blondes while you are planning to die here. I have been torn about your plan from the beginning; I should be here with you, but the practicality of it makes sense. That doesn’t stop me from wanting to tear my own skin off at the thought of being away from you when you’re in trouble.”
I turned to face him. “I’m not planning on dying today.”
“Then what is it?”
“Nothing. I’m sticking to the plan.” I was, with a few extra additions that would ensure our victory.
He searched my face, then nodded. “Okay. ”
His simple word astounded me. That was it: he…trusted me. I was still reeling when he spoke again, moving closer. “I’ll help the blondes to get through the fence, then they can take it from there. As soon as I do, I’m coming back here to you. I will not abandon you ever again. I will never give you another reason to doubt me.”
Questions flooded my mind: Should I tell him my plans? Why was it so hard to trust anyone but myself? Was he using my attraction to him, like Gabe had?
Kane looked down at me and held out a hand—his scarred hand that had been through so much. I stared down at it before slowly placing my hand in his, erasing everything from my mind but him. His thumb stroked down the back of my hand, setting my skin on fire. He peered down at the connection between us, and I brought a memory to the forefront of my mind. It was one that I remembered as clear as day.
We’d been picking berries all day and hauling them in buckets back to Nan in the cabin, so we could dry them. I was old enough now that Pop trusted me with more and more chores outside the cabin. I returned from the cabin to the spot where Pop had been picking, with sweat dripping down my face from the warm day.
I slumped down next to Pop, and he smiled and shook his head.
“It’s too hot,” I grumbled, grabbing a handful of ripe berries and shoving them into my mouth. The sweet juice cascaded across my tongue and slid down my throat.
Pop stared at me, slack jawed.
“What?” I asked through my mouthful.
Pop started laughing and picked up his hat to wipe the sweat off his brow.
“You’d think that you were raised with wolves, or at least a pack of brothers or something. You have berry juice all over your face.” He laughed.
“I don’t know… Nan gets pretty feral when she’s mad at you; maybe I learned it from her.”
Pop chuckled.
Brothers. The concept had crossed my mind before. What I wouldn’t give for another kid to play with. Sometimes I felt lonely, like I was supposed to have siblings or at least friends in some alternate reality. I wiped my sleeve across the juice that dripped down my chin.
“Do you remember anything else from the day you found me, Pop? Maybe I did have brothers.”
“You don’t remember anything?” he questioned thoughtfully.
I shook my head. Believe me, I’d tried to remember, but the more I thought about it, the more blank space I conjured up. There wasn’t anything there.
“It’s the same story I’ve told you a hundred times. I’m sorry, there’s nothing more.”
“Maybe we could go back to the place you found me and…” My voice faded out, and I quickly corrected myself. “Sorry, Pop. I love you and Nan so much. I just…feel like I’m missing something sometimes.”
Pop lowered his chin in understanding. “Whoever lost you will find you one day if they love you enough. Nothing can separate a loved one from the other. Time will delay it, but if someone is out there looking for you, fate will bring them here.” He smiled softly at me. “In the meantime, you’ll just have to put up with me and Nan. But I have great faith that you will find yourself one day, and you will do great things. ”
I opened my eyes, the memory falling from my mind. Kane clutched my hand tighter, his eyes searing into my soul. Those words that Pop said—I always thought he was speaking about my Mom and Dad, but maybe they were meant for Kane all along. Maybe they were meant for my new friends and family that I had found along the way. Maybe not family by blood, but connected by something deeper.
The memory of Pop took my wandering mind to Nan and my stomach dropped. How could I have failed her so badly?
“Ash, it wasn’t your fault,” Kane whispered. He was reading my thoughts again.
“I left her. I swore on Pop’s grave that I would take care of her…” I shook my head my words getting cut off from the lump in my throat.
Kane reached up and stroked his thumb down the side of my face. The place where his skin brushed mine leaving a trail of fire on my cheek. “Listen to me Blondie, there was nothing that you could have done. There were forces at work beyond anybody’s control.”
He leaned closer until he was only a breath away. “I know it kills you inside that you weren’t there and I know that nothing I can say will make it better. But try to take comfort in the fact that your father said she simply died of old age. She didn’t suffer. She went to sleep in her bed one night and didn’t wake up. In my opinion, there is no easier way to go. You just—slip away from this world in your dreams. I can’t imagine a death more peaceful than that.”
A tear cascaded down my cheek cooling the fire his touch had set to my skin. His words were like a salve to my broken heart. It would never be okay but maybe I could find peace in her death. I peered up into his eyes and the air charged between us—full of the grief and pain that we had both suffered .
“Promise that you’ll come back to me… I can’t lose you again,” he whispered. I didn’t know if he spoke of losing me physically or emotionally, but maybe it was both.
“I can’t promise that, Kane.” His face fell, and I knew I’d wounded him. “I made a promise to Gabe once that I’d love him no matter what. I won’t make promises like that anymore because I broke that promise.”
My stomach sank, saying it out loud. I reached up and traced the curve of his jaw with my thumb. “But I will try. I might not be able to make that promise, but I can tell you that there is no one else in my life but you. I’ve lost everyone. Nan, Pop…“ I paused, the next name sticking in my throat. All I felt was grief for the person I thought he was. “Diesel,” I whispered. “But in losing them, it brought me a new family: you, Ryan, Jerek, Liam, Sam, Will. I can’t imagine losing any of you. So, I can promise you that I will try. No matter what, I will try to find my way back to you. Always .”
Then his arms were around me, holding me close. We stood, embracing, for what seemed like too long and not long enough at the same time. Kane moved and slipped something into my hand, stepping back.
A black pistol stared back at me, and then Kane held out two knives as well. “Take these, just in case. And, it’s a tradition that I get you a gift for the winter solstice…”
“The gun and the knives aren’t enough?”
Kane chuckled. “The bow I made—I had it sent to Bayview, so when we get there after all of this, you can always have a piece of Pop with you. I was going to give it to you tonight, but it seemed a little too obvious of a weapon.”
I grinned and threw my arms around him again. “Thank you, Kane. For everything.”