Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five
Andi
“That day you almost ran me over…”
I swatted at the arm looped around my belly.
“What?” Zane’s deeply amused voice vibrated against my ear, sending a prickle of goosebumps all down the right side of my body.
We were sprawled out on his porch swing, me swimming in a borrowed pearl snap shirt and him in a pair of jeans he hadn’t even bothered to button up, watching the sunrise as it crested over the horizon.
My back was pressed up against his firm, shirtless chest as I lay there tucked between his legs—one stretched out along the length of the backrest of the swing and the other bent so he could rest his bare foot on the porch boards, gently rocking us from side to side.
“I did not almost run you over.”
“I beg to differ.”
My lips twisted. “What’s your question, cowboy?”
A beat passed, then another as we swayed to a chorus of morning birds chirping from one of the many trees scattered throughout the backyard.
“Why were you going to Heaven?” he murmured. “I mean, I know why you were going there but…what made you choose to go there instead of…anywhere else?”
The tips of my fingers skated along his forearm—wrist to elbow, again and again. “Truthfully?” I drew in a breath. Held it. And I meant to release it slowly, but it came out in a soft, embarrassed laugh. “Spiritual intervention.”
The porch swing stilled as I felt him shift behind me, like he was angling himself to get a glimpse of my face—more than likely trying to determine if I was joking or serious.
I didn’t move to help him with that. Just kept my eyes on the sliver of orange sun peaking over the tree line in the distance.
“I’m gonna need you to explain that one to me,” he said, settling behind me and setting the swing into motion again.
“Promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”
“No more crazy than I already think you are for denying you almost ran me over.”
I swatted his arm again and his rumbly laugh brushed against my ear.
“Jerk,” I teased softly and went back to skating my fingertips up and down his arm. “I chose Heaven because of my mom.”
“Was she from there or…?”
“No,” I said. “This all came about from a desperate prayer because…” I sucked in a breath.
Shrugged. Forced it back out. “I didn’t know what to do.
I was alone and had no one to talk to.” My lips folded inward as I swallowed.
“And I used to go to my mom for everything, so I did what I always did and…talked to her. I unfolded a map I’d bought and had no clue how to read, closed my eyes and asked her to show me somewhere I could start over and find myself again.
My finger fell on Heaven, so…” A beat of silence lingered before I let out a soft laugh.
“It could’ve been her leading the way from the afterlife—at least, I’d like to think of it that way.
” I shrugged and let out another soft laugh.
“Or maybe I was just really hopped up on too much sugar and reeling from the hair dye fumes.”
“Hair dye fumes?” he asked curiously, lifting a tendril from where it rested over my breast and twirling it around his pointer finger. “This isn’t yours?”
“It’s as close as I could get,” I said. “I wasn’t about to start my new life with the blonde hair he forced me into.”
A hum vibrated Zane’s chest, and I couldn’t quite tell if it was acknowledgement or something more…
bothered. “What else haven’t you told me?
” he asked, but not in a hurt or offended or accusatory way.
There was humor in his voice, yes, but mainly genuine curiosity.
“Let me guess…your name’s not really Andi. ”
The corner of my mouth lifted as I gently slid that tendril of hair he was twirling out of his grasp, replacing it with my fingers as I laced our hands together. “Actually…it’s not.”
The porch swing stilled again.
“Andi’s a nickname.”
I felt him move behind me, and this time when he angled his face to look at me, I twisted too and met his curious gaze with an amused smirk.
His eyes narrowed slightly as he took me in and asked so affectionately, “What’s your real name then?”
“Alessandra,” I said quietly.
Zane repeated my name just as softly, and hearing it said that way, with sheer awe and adoration, made my chest pinch—like something broken snapping back together.
“But that’s not who I am anymore,” I added, still quiet but more firmly as I looked away from him and back out to the rising sun, snuggling into him as he set the swing back into motion.
“Alessandra was the girl who allowed her life to be ripped away from her—who lost all sense of control. I don’t ever want to be that girl again. ”
The arm draped over my belly tightened as he pulled me in closer. “Well, I think Andi’s doing a hell of a job making sure that doesn’t happen.”
He pressed a soft, lingering kiss to my temple and we swayed in comfortable silence for a few beats as the world around us slowly woke up.
“Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you’d ended up in Heaven instead of Tarnation?”
I thought about that for a long moment before answering him honestly. “I don’t think that’s crossed my mind once. I mean, sure, at first, I was bothered by the fact that I was stranded here but…this place kinda grew on me. The townspeople grew on me. Your family. You.”
I felt him grin against my hair.
“Even though Tarnation wasn’t the destination, I’m not sad that I ended up here.
I asked for a place to start over and find myself, and I think I’ve gotten that.
I went from having nothing of value to suddenly having friends who feel like family, working at a honky tonk, of all places, that feels like a second home, discovering mind-blowing sex with the hottest cowboy in West Texas… ”
Zane’s deep, rumbly laugh shook my body as he tightened that arm around me again and pressed a kiss to my neck.
“And I have you to thank for all of it.”
“Me?” he asked.
“Yeah,” I said as a devious grin teased my mouth. “I mean, none of this would’ve happened if I hadn’t almost run you over—”
“Ah ha!” he exclaimed, drawing a squeal out of me as his fingers assaulted my ticklish side. “The truth comes out!”
“You were standing in the middle of the road!” I laughed and squirmed my way out of his hold. Or at least I tried.
I managed to get halfway up from the swing before Zane’s arm locked around my stomach and yanked me back to him. A gust of air left my lungs as my back collided with his chest, followed by a surprised gasp when I felt him harden against my rear.
“Did tickling me really just turn you on, cowboy?” I murmured.
“Lying here with you all pressed up against me turned me on,” he husked against my neck, brushing my hair away so he could press his lips to my suddenly erratic pulse.
“And from the way your heart is beating hard enough that I can feel it through your back, I think you might be a little turned on, too.” My head fell back against his shoulder as his mouth worked along my neck.
“I think you might be right,” I responded, breathy and already worked up.
His right hand slithered down the length of my body as he drew an agonizingly slow line from my knee and up along the inner part of my thigh. “Show me.”
I reached for his hand, sliding my fingers over his knuckles and tucking them between his as I silently guided him between my legs.
Air rushed into my lungs as I sucked in a sharp breath when his fingers made contact with my already swollen clit.
A low, growly sound vibrated in his chest as his left hand snaked into my borrowed pearl snap shirt, clasping over my breast and drawing a soft moan from my lips.
My fingers were still locked with his as he drew lazy circles around me, and the connection almost made it feel like…
like I was touching myself. Heat rose to my cheeks at just the thought, but something else mingled with that sudden shy and almost embarrassed feeling.
This—having my fingers laced with Zane’s while he stroked me—was really fucking hot.
“I’d really like to have you just like this.
” His groan against my neck sent goosebumps skittering down my body.
“Right here on my porch swing.” The tip of his middle finger dipped inside me, and I gasped as the action made the backs of my own fingers brush over my sensitive flesh.
“Just the thought of you sinking down on me as you ride me reverse cowgirl is making me harder by the second.” He went back to circling my clit and scattering open-mouthed kisses along my neck. “Can I have you like this, Andi?”
“Yesss,” I hissed on a low moan as my stomach muscles flinched and tensed with each teasing stroke against that bundle of nerves.
I felt him grin against my skin as he slowly slid his hand away from my breast. He gently tapped my hip, signaling for me to stand up. “Let me grab a condom—”
“I have an IUD.”
Zane went still beneath me, both hands locked around my hips with the intent to guide me off of him so he could go in the house and retrieve protection…but, God help me, I just wanted to feel him.
“What are you sayin’?”
“I’m saying…” I leaned back into him and twisted to press a kiss to his jaw. “You know everything about me now, and I…I don’t want anything else between us.”
“Are you sure?”
“So sure,” I mewed and pressed another kiss to his jaw. “I just want to feel you, Zane.” I reached for his hips, tucking my thumbs in the waistline of his jeans. “Now, slide these down, cowboy.”
I drew up onto my knees, lifting just enough for him to push those worn jeans down to mid-thigh.
His erection pressed against my backside, and once he was settled back against the swing I reached between my legs for him—lining his cock up with my opening and slowly lowering myself onto him as a wanton moan grew in my throat.
I panted as I worked my way down his length, growing a little nervous with this position because he felt… bigger.
“I think I’m gonna need you to touch me,” I breathed, knowing all too well from very recent experience how quickly my body turned into molten lava under his talented fingers—and right now I needed that because I was tense. Too tense.
“Gimme your hand.”
“What?”
“Your hand,” he said again, peeling it away from where I’d been gripping onto the arm of the swing for dear life and linking our fingers as he brought our joined hands between my legs.
“Zane, what—”
He unlinked our fingers and rested his hand over mine, guiding my own fingers over my clit and drawing a shocked gasp from my lips.
“I can touch you if you want me to,” he said, working his fingers over my own as pleasure coiled in my abdomen.
“Or you can take back some of that control that was stolen from you.” His other hand stroked down my spine, producing a ripple effect that rolled throughout me and collided with that pleasure coil.
“Take what you want, Andi.” His hand slowly slid away from mine, locking around my hip.
My fingers kept moving. “Take what you need.” A tremor worked its way throughout my body as I whimpered his name and started to move my hips in tandem with my strokes.
“You’re in complete control here, princess. ”
And I was. Finally, I was.
I was in control of my body.
In control of my own pleasure.
In control of my own happiness.
In control of…my entire life.
But as fire and goosebumps raced over my skin, I was really glad I’d had control over my car all those weeks ago and swerved just in time to avoid running over the man who’d show me how losing control could feel a lot like taking it back.