Chapter 29 #2
“Where are you going, Juniper? Did you forget I drove us here?” Kojo threw his napkin down in his lap, giving me a look that said he was just as sick of me as I was of him.
”To hell if I don’t pray. Don’t call me, Kojo.” I gave him the middle finger and strutted out of this nasty ass restaurant with my head held high.
In my six-inch, peep toe black heels, I walked down the strip of downtown Beauville.
I will say downtown was always lively. There was something going on at all times.
I was debating about stopping in one of the bars because I needed a drink.
Kojo had worked my nerves with his delusional ass.
I could see it now, Faheem murdering Kojo and me for trying to keep him out of Ryver’s life.
That was a game I wasn’t willing to gamble with.
It was bad enough I kept getting cold feet when I tried to tell him about Ryver.
I was truly scared about his reaction, not him being mad at me.
I was scared he was going to hate me. Seeing Faheem with his son, he was very hands on.
Knowing he missed out on a lot of those moments with Ryver, he was going to be livid.
As much shit as I talked about not caring about Faheem and getting over him I still loved him.
I cared about what Faheem thought about me, if I knew he would just be mad I could deal with that.
But the chance of him hating me forever scared me senseless.
I was coming to terms with the fact that I would probably love Faheem for the rest of my life.
The connection we shared couldn’t be broken.
I had to accept that I would always love him.
I couldn’t even fully blame him for the hurt he caused me.
At the end of the day he never lied to me about anything.
I went in with wide eyes thinking I could handle the situation when that was far from the truth.
Neither one of us expected to fall as hard as we did, and that was where the biggest problem was.
Once we fell in love, we didn’t understand how to navigate the mess that we'd created. I had expectations that we never agreed on, and he felt his obligations outweighed our blossoming love. We both were at fault for the way we ended our situation. I regretted a lot of things, the biggest being not allowing Faheem to be a part of Ryver’s life.
Although she was still really young, he’d missed out on a lot.
“Oh, shit,” I said as I collided with another person almost busting my ass, but the stranger caught me in his arms. My heart melted when I looked up to thank them, and I came face to face with Faheem’s handsome smirking face.
“A nigga still make you weak in the knees, I see.” I rolled my eyes playfully at him, as he helped me steady myself on my feet.
”Thanks for not letting me fall,” I shyly said, stepping back, giving us a little room.
“Never.” He smiled at me, slowly dragging his eyes down my body, taking me in from head to toe. ”You look good,” Faheem said, settling his eyes back on mine. I could smell the liquor on his breath.
“Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself,” I replied, returning his compliment.
Faheem had the ability to make jeans and a shirt look like high fashion.
Wearing a black Gucci logo polo, fitted dark washed jeans, and black Jordy’s, he looked dope boy fresh with his big face watch and diamond hair with a diamond encrusted F pendant.
I was shocked to see him in gold framed glasses, but they actually fit him.
“I like that nose ring too. Whoever got it for you got real good taste.” I snickered, seeing him wearing the small diamond in the shape of a J shaped nose ring I had gotten for him for his birthday all them years ago.
“Oh, yeah, my wife got it for me. I ain’t like it at first ‘cause I knew she was tryna be funny, but after she left a nigga, I wear it when I miss her. She had a nigga fucked up behind that shit too, but Iife goes on.”
“Mmm.” I pressed my lips, hiding the smile threatening to spread across my lips. Something about Faheem’s voice made my stomach do summersaults. “Sucks for you, huh?”
“Nah, not forreal. I plan on making shit right with my wife. I fucked up, but I’ma do everything in my power to show her how sorry I am,” Faheem said, biting his bottom lip. Sneakily, he snaked his arm around my waist.
“I’m not mad at you. I forgave you a long time ago.” I quickly cut my eyes to the ground, guilt was seeping in. I forgave him, but would he forgive me? “We are all human, we make mistakes, right?” I chuckled, trying to lighten the heaviness that had fallen around us.
“But do you still love me?” Faheem asked me with his black eyes staring at me intently.
His eyes made my breath pause as I fought myself.
I wanted to scream. Hell yes, I still loved him, but the fact of the matter was, I still hadn’t told him about Ryver.
He wasn’t gonna be saying all this once he found out about her.
Closing my eyes, I sighed, holding in the tears threatening to fall. “Love isn’t always enough. Sometimes, you need more.” My voice came out shaky, so I steadied my breathing.
Being this close to Faheem brought out every emotion I was attempting to forget. He made me valuable, it was impossible to keep my emotions in check when he was around.
“Juni, I fucked up. I fumbled your heart. I hate myself for that, but I can’t let you go again. Even if you fight me, I’m not giving you up. I still love you.”
It was crazy how one look in this man’s eyes, and I became consumed by him. Everything around us was nonexistent. It was like we were in our own bubble, and everything faded into the background.
Laying my head on his chest, silent tears ran down my face.
My heart beat echoed through my ears. His strong hands massaged my lower back, and he rested his head on mine.
I’m sure we looked crazy as hell standing in the middle of the sidewalk embarrassing each other like we were in a cheesy romance movie.
I needed this moment to feel our connection up close and in person, even if it was only for a moment.
“Faheem,” I paused, taking a deep breath to keep any more tears from falling. I knew he was confused by my emotions, but I knew once I told him about Ryver, he was going to hate me. “We have to talk. Can we go somewhere and talk?” I asked, my glossy eyes peering up at his inky black eyes.
He hesitated, his eyes cut to the side of us. “I’m finna get Forrest from Mixie. She at her sister Lexus’ crib. The building is right there.” He used his head to point at the high rise apartment we were standing a few feet from.
Hearing Mixie’s name was like feeling cold water being poured all over me.
I hadn’t thought of asking him about their relationship status.
I was sure they were still together, why wouldn’t they be?
Just because Faheem was proclaiming his love didn’t mean they weren’t together.
I wanted to slap the shit out of myself for falling so easily for Faheem.
I couldn't understand how he had that type of power over my common sense.
He could tell me the sky was green, and I would go out fighting behind his words.
Faheem was a drug that clouded my mind. Thinking clearly was impossible when he was around.
“Oh, well, I can wait then. Go get your son,” I nervously said, stepping back.
The way he was looking at me, just like Ryver did when she didn’t get her way, guilt gnawed at my insides, but my fear was louder.
What if he treated our daughter the way he treated me during our relationship?
What if he didn’t make her a priority? Did I really want to put my baby through that?
It was bad enough that I suffered through it.
“Why you pullin’ away from me?” Faheem eyed me, trying to read me. “Is my son a problem?”
“No, Faheem. I don’t want to be involved in you and MIxie’s drama anymore.”
“It ain’t that between us, we take care of Forrest, and that’s it,” Faheem clarified, and my heart skipped a beat hearing they weren’t together.
I didn’t know if he was gassing me up, but if they weren’t together, that was music to my ears.
“Can I kiss you, Juni?” Faheem asked. Before I could reply, he crashed his lips into mine. My body melted as our lips entangled, passionately kissing.
Getting lost in our kiss, I knew I was fucked. Kissing him again had sealed the deal. My heart would never stop yearning for Faheem. The fantasy life I’d envisioned for us began flashing through my mind. The deeper our kiss became, the more I saw our future entangling again.
“This is what the fuck you doing while our son is crying his eyes out for your trifling ass!” Mixie’s loud voice screeched from behind us.
I tried to pull back from Faheem, but he wouldn’t let me go. Instead, he kissed me a little longer before he pulled back with a grimace on his face.
“Where my seed at, Mixie?” Faheem asked her, unbothered by her anger, slowly turning around to face her.
“My son ain’t going nowhere with you and your little whore. I don’t know that bitch.” Faheem’s body had kept me from being seen by Mixie.
“Gon’ with that dumb shit and go get my son.”
“Nigga, fuck you. I’m not getting shit. You nasty bitch, I hope you know the nigga you kissing on is fucking married. You slut!” she yelled in my direction.
Wanting to let my presence be known, I peeked around Faheem waving at Mixie, whose face went from shock to hate as she stared at me.
“You fucking forreal, Faheem? This bitch, again?” Seeing my face had sent her over the edge. Mixie was screaming at the top of her lungs, and I was sure we were going to be on someone’s Facebook post how loud she was yelling.
“Bruh, chill yo dumb ass out screamin’ and shit. You actin’ dizzy as fuck,” Faheem spat, walking up on Mixie.
“Dizzy is that bitch. I wish my cousins would have killed her dumb ass when they robbed her. GO THE FUCK AWAY, NOBODY WANTS YOU HERE!” Mixie screamed at the top of her lungs.
I had stopped listening after she said what she did about me being robbed. Her words had caught me all the way off guard. I had chalked me being robbed as something that happened. Hearing Mixie say her cousins robbed me meant this bitch played a part in it.
“Bitch, say that shit again?” I asked, walking towards Mixie ready to pop her in her shit for playing with my life like that.
“Hol’ on,” Faheem said, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me back against his chest. “Juni, calm the fuck down. I handled that shit,” he said, letting me know he knew about what the fuck Mixie did.
I elbowed Faheem in his boney ass chest, this nigga had pissed me off and I wanted to beat his ass too.
“Get the fuck off of me! You knew that bitch set me up this entire time, and you want me to calm down when I could have lost my life? My fucking ba-” I caught myself.
Taking a deep breath, I backed away from Faheem, his eyes pleaded with me.
I was so angry that he would keep something like that from me. I wanted to hurt him and Mixie both right now. Everything in me was screaming to beat both of their asses. “Stay away from me, Faheem.” He’d managed to break my heart again.
Like usual, he was putting Mixie above me, and this time, I wasn’t going to lie to myself. I was going to believe everything Faheem ever showed me. Fuck him, and fuck love.
Storming down the street as fast as I could in my heels, I ignored Faheem calling out to me. He could literally kiss my ass. I promised I didn’t have anything else for his stupid ass.