Chapter Twelve
[LIVE] EXPLORE FOLLOWING FRIENDS FOR YOU
MorningTeaVids
RELATIONSHIP EXPERT LIV CARPENTER ON MORNING TEA SCOLDS CALLER FOR COMPARING HERSELF TO HER FRIENDS
Liv: Hiya! Have we got Zaya on the line?
Caller: Yep, I’m here. Thanks for taking my call.
Liv: Of course! I—
Caller: I’m just so sick of this.
Liv: Right and—
Caller: It’s my friend, Sarah, she’s such a smug cow.
Liv: Can you avoid swearing or mentioning any names? We don’t want to identify any—
Caller: Fine, but how do I tell her to stop showing off about everything? It’s making me feel rubbish.
Liv: Can you give me an example?
Caller: Like, she just got a new job and kept talking about how great it is and how all the people on her new team are so brilliant.
I know it’s way more money, too. And that’s just the latest in a long line of stuff she’s constantly boasting about.
Everything seems to go her way, she’s the luckiest person I ever met.
I couldn’t listen to it this time, I’ve had enough.
I told her I wasn’t interested and to stop shoving her success in my face.
Liv: [long pause] Well, god, I’m glad you’re not my friend.
Caller: What?
Liv: We should be able to celebrate our successes with our loved ones.
It doesn’t sound much like she’s throwing it in your face; she’s just trying to share her excitement with you.
Wouldn’t it be sad if your friend didn’t want to do that?
You’re so busy comparing your life to hers, you’ve forgotten that you’re meant to love this person and should be happy for her happiness.
Comparing ourselves is a dead-end road full of self-loathing and resentment.
Caller: [silence]
Liv: It’s so easy to forget that we’re all living here, inside our heads, feeling insecure and doubting ourselves.
We assume we’re the only ones feeling like that because everyone else is putting their best foot forward – by which I mean, their best photos on Instagram forward.
You need to reframe your thoughts, Zaya.
Instead of thinking, ‘She’s got everything I want and is showing off,’ try telling yourself, ‘She’s worked so hard and is finally getting what she deserves.
’ She’s not living her life just to spite you.
So, stop comparing yourself to her and be a better friend.
Caller: [long sigh] Okay, I guess…
[watch again?]
Liv Carpenter says comparing yourself never gets you anywhere
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