Chapter Sixteen
[LIVE] EXPLORE FOLLOWING FRIENDS FOR YOU
MorningTeaVids
RELATIONSHIP EXPERT LIV CARPENTER ON MORNING TEA SAYS SET YOUR BOUNDARIES
Liv: —And then I hid in the bathroom until Sam could get him and his thousand stupid legs out the window. I don’t understand how he keeps getting in—oh we’re back from the break! Er, hi everyone. Apparently we have Petra on the phone this morning. Hi, Petra?
Caller: Hi Liv, I’m such a big fan, I watch you every day. Well, when you’re on! They should get you in on Mondays and Tuesdays as well!
Liv: Oh, that’s really kind! So, what do you want to talk about today?
Caller: Right, yes, so it’s my husband.
Host: Wuh-oh.
Caller: He hasn’t done anything wrong, exactly. It’s me. I can’t stop obsessing over this woman from his past. His first love, from when he was a teenager.
Liv: How old are you?
Caller: I’m in my thirties, and I know how stupid this sounds! They were only together for a year, and it was a lifetime ago but I…
Liv: You can’t stop yourself.
Caller: Exactly! It got so much worse a few months ago when I found his old teen diary and it was full of her and how he felt back then. It all sounded so intense and dreamy. I can’t stop thinking about it, and how he must still love her and compare the two of us.
Liv: Are they still in touch?
Caller: No! That’s why it’s extra ridiculous! They haven’t spoken since they were kids, but they’re friends on Facebook. I look at pictures of her every day, scrolling for ages, imagining them together and wondering whether I measure up.
Liv: Have you tried speaking to your husband about this?
Caller: God no, he’d think I was mad! I am mad.
Liv: You’re not mad, Petra, this is incredibly common. It’s very human of you, and if it makes you mad, then we’re probably all a little mad.
Caller: Oh, thank y—
Liv: But it’s got to stop.
Caller: Oh.
Liv: You can’t keep torturing yourself this way.
It isn’t right or healthy. Try to reframe how you see this other woman.
Think of her as someone you should be grateful for.
She helped make your husband the man he is today.
I’m sure you have a past, too. How would it make you feel if you knew your partner was feeling this miserable over it?
Caller: Awful.
Liv: The first – and most important – thing you need to do now, is start drawing clear boundaries for yourself. No more looking at pictures of her online.
Caller: But I—
Liv: [sternly] No! I’m serious, Petra. You have to go cold turkey here. Right now. It’s a form of addiction and every time you feed it, you start another horrible cycle of shame and self-loathing that will only lead to more feelings of insecurity.
Caller: [deep breath] I know you’re right.
Liv: Of course I’m right, I’m always right.
[watch again?]
Liv Carpenter says you can’t let obsessions rule your life… and that she knows everything
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