Chapter Nineteen
[LIVE] EXPLORE FOLLOWING FRIENDS FOR YOU
MorningTeaVids
RELATIONSHIP EXPERT LIV CARPENTER ON MORNING TEA SAYS DIFFERENCES CAN MAKE OR brEAK A FRIENDSHIP
Liv: Hi everyone! What a busy morning it’s been so far on the show. And there’s more to come. Next up on the line we have the lovely Julie – are you there, Julie?
Caller: Yes, hello, Julie here.
Liv: You’ve been having some issues with a close friend, am I right?
Caller: [sad sigh] Yes, and I don’t know what to do, or if there’s any coming back from this.
We’ve known each other since we were at school, and always had the same kind of liberal views on stuff.
But she’s changed so much in the last few years and started saying some really horrible things.
It really upsets me and I don’t understand how she can see things that way.
I’ve mostly backed down when she’s brought it up, because she’s so aggressive about her views, and it all feels so personal.
But I’m so mad at her and I don’t know how to get over that. Or if I even should!
Liv: The political climate right now – and in recent years – has become so fraught. It does feel personal a lot of the time. It’s okay to feel angry.
Caller: But I keep seeing stuff online about how we should all be able to disagree on our politics and keep a civil discourse – all of that – without losing friends, but this shit is serious—
Liv: Whoops, sorry to the viewers about the swearing.
Caller: Oh right, yeah, sorry. [another deep sigh] I’m just so frustrated, Liv.
This was someone I used to be able to talk to about anything.
Now all she does is shout me down. And when I do get a word in edgeways and try to tell her my point of view – the one she used to share!
– I just get called woke and sneered at for having empathy.
I don’t know what to do, please help me.
Liv: I know a lot of agony aunts would tell you to put aside your differences, agree to disagree, and avoid talking about the upsetting stuff.
Some might even tell you to do the opposite and get into it with your friend – have the conversation and work it out!
Listen and try to understand! Run towards the fire! But I’m not going to say that.
Caller: You’re not?
Liv: No! Because I think she’s behaving horribly!
Let’s put aside the actual differences and how sad it is that she’s gone down this brainwashed road, because the issue at the heart of this is that she’s being pretty vile to you about it all!
Is she in agonies right now, worrying about upsetting you with her opinions?
It really doesn’t sound like it! It sounds like she keeps insisting on shoving them in your face and down your throat.
And then insulting you because you don’t share them. How is that a good friend?
Caller: That’s so true…
Liv: And honestly, do you actually have anything in common anymore, beyond a shared history?
Caller: God, I guess… no, not really!
Liv: Sometimes we as humans think we have to cling onto things from our past, because they’ve been important to us once or there are good memories attached. But do you think the pain of losing her now will be worse than enduring this kind of twisted relationship for the rest of your life?
Caller: [long pause] No.
Liv: Even something that was once everything to us can become toxic and unhealthy. It’s time to re-evaluate this friendship for what it really is now, Julie, not what it used to be. Because she sounds like all she is to you now is a shit friend who isn’t worth you wasting your good energy on.
Host: Liv! Sorry about the swearing again, viewers.
Liv: My bad.
Caller: Okay, but Liv’s right. She is a shit friend.
[watch again?]
Liv Carpenter says ditch the toxic friend…
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