Chapter 41
JUDAH
“Try to lay low today,” I said as I crossed Amelia’s bedroom with a mug of coffee in hand.
It was her second cup of the morning, a reward after she ate a proper breakfast. Cooking eggs and pancakes was the least I could do after she let me stay the night. In her bed.
“I’ve got some good leads, but I need to tread carefully. People in the bureau tend to close ranks with accusations like this, and I’m still on the outs with a lot of people.”
Amelia nodded as she reached up and accepted the refill. Her color was better today. Her cheeks were flushed and her skin had lost the grayness. Despite our late night and early wake-up call so I could make it back to the city, the bags under her eyes were gone.
“I’ve gotta make sure I’m not wrong.” I let out a heavy breath. “I know it sucks, but I can’t pull the trigger too soon. Just . . . Please don’t go out unless you have to.”
“I’m working from home today,” she said. “And I have every intention of going back to sleep as soon as you leave.”
“I don’t blame you.” I kissed her cheek. “You got quite a workout last night.”
Amelia smiled to herself as she set the mug on her bedside table and stretched, going stiff, then curling in like a cat.
“I know you’re still mad about the cameras,” I said.
“And door sensors,” she tacked on.
“Yeah.” I swallowed thickly. “But please—just leave them on for now.”
She huffed, making a fuss about it, even though we had talked it out at length last night.
“I promise,” she grumbled as she adjusted the pillow under her head.
“I’m not the kind of heroine who refuses security measures because she isn’t going to let the bad guy have any more of her life and then immediately gets kidnapped because she turns off the security system and goes on a hike by herself.
” She punctuated her sarcasm with air quotes.
“You’ve been on a fiction kick?”
“I had to do something all summer,” she muttered. “You can be depressed and bored at the same time.”
After two orgasms for her and one for me, we spent the night laying everything out.
We started with why I hadn’t told her I was FBI, which stretched from the reasonable explanation that I couldn’t break my cover, no matter what, and ended with me admitting that my feelings for her were the reason I started giving her pieces of reality, like my real last name.
It was fear that had kept me from telling her the rest.
Fear that she would get in trouble if she knew everything, since I’d left my assignment for her.
Fear that she wouldn’t want this version of me.
Fear that she would want this version of me when it was the one I struggled with most.
The longer I had been under with Valentine, the more I believed that the version of myself I was forced to be was the only one I could be.
She proved me wrong from the moment she laid eyes on me and every moment after that.
Amelia studied me through lowered eyelids as I buttoned my shirt, tied my necktie, and toed on my shoes. Last was the leather holder with my credentials that I kept in my pocket—and my gun. It felt heavier today than it usually did.
“I’m still really angry at you,” she admitted as she rolled onto her side and stared at the wall. “I know you had good reasons for doing what you did . . . I know some of it was out of your control . . . but that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”
I knelt beside the bed and gently brushed her hair away from her face.
“I know. The only thing I want from you is a chance.” I kissed her bare shoulder.
“A chance to make it right. A chance for us to get to know each other in the real world. A chance for me to make you fall in love again because I’ll tell you what, little fox—there’s no coming back from what I feel for you.
” I kissed her temple as her eyes fluttered closed.
“Stay angry. It doesn’t scare me. It tells me where I stand with you, and that’s what I want the most.”
“Honesty.” The word was barely audible.
“Yeah.”
“I want that too,” she said quietly. “And sleep. I haven’t slept well in months, and right now, I just want to go back to bed.” Amelia glanced at the clock. “And you’re going to be late if you don’t get going.”
“Sweet dreams,” I said softly as I kissed her head. “Text me when you get up.”
“Or you could just watch me on the Big Brother cameras,” she joked as I slipped out.
I grinned. “I’ll be doing that too.”
“Perv!” she shouted at my back as I slipped out.
I was fully prepared for a confrontation with Joel this morning but, to my surprise, he hadn’t come home last night. I needed to see what the bureau had him doing. He should’ve been on ice until the trial.
Even though Amelia and I were nowhere near where we had been before Las Vegas happened, it felt like we were on the right path. There was an extra spring in my step as I dropped into my car and started the drive back to Manhattan.
With the lack of sleep from the night before, I should have been nodding off, but I was more energized than ever. I couldn’t even blame it on the coffee I had before I left her apartment.
It was all her.
When I was with Amelia, it felt like I was where I was supposed to be.
I had never felt that before. Not in the Navy. Not in the FBI. Never.
But with her? I was home. I was at peace.
Maybe that’s why I was itching to get into the office today. There was a place for me to go when I was done. Somewhere to rest. Someone to unpack the day with.
I’d be taking the train back to New Haven today. I didn’t want the delays of driving. I wanted to be back to Amelia as soon as possible.
Maybe I could get transferred to the New Haven field office . . .
Even though Sanders had been talking out of his ass yesterday, he was right about one thing. I had no future in his department. Regardless of my reasons, regardless of the internal review clearing me, I was persona non grata to every single person in the Javits Building.
If I followed the trail of digital breadcrumbs I had found yesterday, part of me thought that it would exonerate me in the court of public opinion.
But if I was being honest, I didn’t really care if it did.
I only cared if I cleared my name with Amelia. If she forgave me.
The rest of them could kiss my ass.
Once this was all over, I’d have to figure out what the hell I was going to do with the rest of my life.
Sure, I could join Cole in the private sector.
He probably had an office already reserved for me at the Keller & Associates headquarters.
But did I really want to keep doing this shit until I dropped dead? What kind of a life was that?
I garnered plenty of stares as I parked and made my way through headquarters. As soon as I dropped down into my desk chair, I texted Amelia and opened the files that would list where Joel Hawthorne was.
Another deposition? Damn. I knew firsthand that Joel had direct contact with Valentine to get the loan he needed, but I also knew that Valentine had never been able to activate Joel as a useful soldier in the finance world.
Joel had been relocated by Cole before he had ever been blackmailed.
I knew that because I was the one who would’ve been doing the blackmailing.
I had a ton of shit on Joel filed away, but I never used it.
Joel was just a guy who got a loan, didn’t pay it back, and then had his knee rearranged.
Sure, he was a witness, but he didn’t have insider information on Valentine.
I was about to close out of the itinerary when something odd caught my eye.
Escorting agent: James Sanders.
I glanced over my shoulder and spotted Agent Sanders walking into his office, waving at the bullpen like he was an A-list celebrity doing a pap walk.
He wasn’t with Joel. Maybe he had dropped him off for the deposition and decided to come into the office while it was happening?
I pulled out my phone and texted Amelia. Thankfully, she had given me her new number. I didn’t want to explain that I had . . . procured it in less than legal ways. You know—just in case.
That was the thing about pretending to be a criminal for years. I’d gained a lot of useful skills.
Judah
Have you talked to Joel this morning?
Amelia
He had his last physical therapy appointment this morning. That’s all I know. He doesn’t really check in with me.
Something didn’t sit right with me. I texted Cole.
Judah
Do you have eyes on Joel Hawthorne?
Cole
Hold.
Cole
My asset said he was last seen entering a medical complex around 0800 and has not exited. Probably going to physical therapy after you tried to recreate a Jackson Pollock on his knee using a baseball bat.
Judah
Your jokes suck.
I glanced at the clock. 9:18 a.m.
Joel had been last seen a little over an hour ago. Amelia was accounted for.
Everyone was okay.
Everyone was okay.
Everyone was okay.
My email was packed to the brim with new assignments. Probably because I threw the fact that I’d finished all the busy work I’d been given in Sanders’s face.
I ignored all of it and started hunting.
Sometimes I longed for the old days of spy craft—not that FBI agents were spies. We simply . . . cultivated them. I was jealous of the agents who did their digging by sneaking around and picking locks.
Digital spy craft was mind-numbing.
Maybe that’s why I liked undercover work.
My phone buzzed as I emailed a stack of files to myself and cc’d Cole for good measure. It was always a good idea to have backups.
At least that’s what I’d learned with Valentine.
Nothing was secret when it came to FBI servers. The thing was, I had nothing left to lose. The career I once thought I’d be in until retirement had become the very thing that would keep me from retiring. It had given me Amelia, but it had also almost taken her from me. That was unforgivable.
The clock started the moment I sent that email. Cybersecurity would immediately be flagged. Sanders would be notified. He’d run it up his chain of command. If they thought the breach was serious enough, my keycard and server access would be revoked before my ass left my chair.
I waited for my computer to immediately force a log out, but nothing happened.
Cole
Confirming receipt.
My phone buzzed again, but it wasn’t Cole. It was a notification from the security system I had installed in Amelia’s apartment. The front door opened and closed.
Maybe Joel had come home from PT.
I pulled up the video feed of the camera in the kitchen cabinet knob that pointed at the front door, but the door was closed. The living room feed was empty.
Maybe it was a glitch?
I went back ninety seconds and watched the feed from before the notification had been sent to my phone.
Nothing.
Amelia was probably sitting at her desk in her room, lecturing on a video call with her students. No sight of Joel at all.
Five seconds before the notification alert that the front door had opened, Amelia bolted through the living room and ran out the door, purse and keys in hand.
I called her immediately, but it went to voicemail.
Shit.
Judah
What happened? Call me.
Still no answer. I texted Cole.
Judah
Eyes on Amelia? She ran out of her apartment.
I had set up a backdoor alert in the system to notify me of anything with Amelia or Joel’s names. A new timestamp had been added to Joel’s file.
0815: Asset transported to deposition by escorting agent.
But Joel went into physical therapy at eight. Cole had confirmed it. I glanced at Sanders’s office and watched as he read something on his phone, then grabbed his jacket and keys and walked briskly toward the elevator.
My phone buzzed.
Amelia
Joel was in a car accident. I’m on my way to the hospital. Meet me there?
Cole
Lost visual on both subjects.
After a long career in the military and in the FBI, I had learned to trust my gut above all else.
Above going by the book.
Above procedure.
Above the plan.
Above my superiors, who were supposed to be on the right side of the law.
But when it came to Amelia, I wasn’t just following my gut. I was following my heart.
My gut told me this was going to be the last time I saw the inside of the Javits Building.
My heart told me she wasn’t going to the hospital.