CHAPTER 7 NEVER FAR AWAY
NEVER FAR AWAY
Veronica
When the twins were little, Veronica lost herself in their innocent eyes, one pair bright like the sky, the other pair polished like obsidian.
She didn’t love one child more than the other.
But Caleb sure brought home the heartache.
Her husband, John, said Caleb butted wills with her because he was too much like her.
Then John died so unexpectedly. He’d been a part of her. They were supposed to retire in the next few years and travel. Even now, she would forget and turn to tell him something. Especially now, with this accident.
The news of Phoenix’s injuries had floored her. She couldn’t bear to picture her beautiful son under a train. How could she not have realized that Phoenix was as much a part of her as John had been? Just like when the boys were little, she felt his pain as if it were her own.
She looked past the IV line dripping fluids into him, past the tubes entering and exiting his body. She squeezed his hand.
“Phoenix, please wake up. I need you to come back to me,” she murmured. Nothing. Silence. Just the beeping of equipment keeping him alive.
His skin held a gray pallor, which frightened her. His jaw was slack, his body motionless. He lay so still that several times she checked to ensure he was breathing.
He was not dying. The doctors had said so. She worried they might be wrong.
One diminished worry only meant that another took its place.
She could barely fathom his loss. She pictured his chubby-yet-firm toddler arms flung around her neck for a kiss, or his child’s long legs urging a dirt bike down the steep path behind their summer house.
As a teen, he would dive over and over until he sliced through the water with perfect precision.
Unbidden as they were, ugly ideas gripped her.
Her mind tried to push away thoughts of his abilities, and now, limitations.
How would he take the news she’d have to tell him?
The hospital staff assured her that he’d be able to do more than she imagined.
She clung to the ray of hope the nurses had given her.
“Prostheses are getting better and better nowadays. He’ll be able to return to an active life. ”
She didn’t look closely at his bandages. She’d promised she wouldn’t cry. She didn’t want him to hear her and bear the weight of her grief. Instead, she talked to him. Looking around, confirming Caleb was out of the room, Veronica brushed her lips over his cheek.
“When I first held you, I knew you were a wise soul. I said you would teach me more than I could teach you.” She paused. “This is not what you’re meant to teach me. Not this.”
Then, in a cruel twist, her mind sighed relief. At least it’s not Caleb. She imagined that losing so much might undo Caleb.
But even in her worst nightmares, she never thought this accident would undo Phoenix.