Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
The trip home had been quick and painless. Gideon had called ahead—so to speak—and the whole gang was waiting for us on the front lawn. I’d looked around and grinned. Dorothy was correct. There was no place like home.
“Shitty Ritchie has arrived!” the little dude shrieked as we’d materialized en masse. “And I’m available for HUGS and KISSES! Tongue is optional!”
“Dude is whacked,” Candy Vargo muttered with an eye roll. “Can’t take that fucker anywhere.”
Shitty Ritchie was mobbed like a rockstar.
Little man was still getting used to having friends.
His gob-smacked delight that he was loved was a beautiful sight to see.
The tiny freak sobbed uncontrollably as he accepted hug after hug.
No one dared to kiss him and I didn’t blame them. The tongue comment was nasty.
Gideon put his arm around my shoulders and kissed the top of my head. “Do we need to have a conversation with Shitty Ritchie about eating people?”
I gagged. “Umm… I don’t think so, but it’s not the worst idea.”
“I’ll have a chat with him,” Alana Catherine said, squeezing herself between us and grabbing each of our hands.
My heart was happy now, and Gideon was over the moon. The wide smile on the Grim Reaper’s face was proof. He loved his daughter. A lot. We very much had that in common.
“You happy to be home?” I asked Alana Catherine, squeezing her hand.
“And then some,” she said with a laugh. “I think I’m going to sleep for three days. I’m exhausted.”
She could sleep for a week. Gideon and I would be by her side the entire time.
“Daisy,” Tim said, pointing at the house. “Are you keeping that?”
“Nope,” I told him. “That thing has to go.”
Tim winked and gave me a thumbs up. “I quite agree, friend.”
The ugly stone and steel house was still standing loud and proud on our property. Houses could be rebuilt. People were not as easily replaced. The people we’d gone after were now safely home. There was no better gift in the Universe.
Charlie and June were among the first to greet us along with my pups, Donna and Karen.
The hugs from my human buds and the wet puppy kisses from my dogs were glorious.
June beamed and held a huge platter of peanut butter cookies as Charlie bragged about her culinary prowess with great pride.
The cookies were gone in less than a minute once Candy Vargo dove in.
June’s cookies were that dang good. I was lucky I got two.
June was also packing a few bottles of wine in her purse.
Jennifer indulged immediately and with great gusto.
It might be the morning here in Georgia, but it was always five o’clock somewhere.
The presence of Chamuel and Hemah was a shocking surprise to all.
It was explained quickly and thoroughly in an expletive-filled rant by the Keeper of Fate.
Amelia had quickly handed out earplugs to the foster kids after Candy shouted the word fuckin’ for the tenth time.
The little ones popped them right into their ears.
I shook my head and winced. They were used to the drill.
Shitty Ritchie then overshared the story about his big dang dong to a crowd that grew more appalled with each new section of the sordid story.
After grossing everyone out, he then announced that a funeral for his formerly large wank would be happening later this evening followed by a potluck—hotdogs and sausages not permitted.
It was no surprise—except to him—that he was having a difficult time getting anyone to sign up to bring a dish.
A funeral for a pecker that was only huge in his mind wasn’t a great draw.
Tim offered to being a casserole. Because… of course, he did.
Gram, Gramps and the rest of my dead guests were next to join the impromptu party on the lawn. They came flying out of the house like a mini tornado of specters. It was macabre and magnificent.
“Well, lookie loo!” Gram squealed as she spotted the new ghosts. “Here comes the welcome wagon.”
Gram and Gramps zipped on over to Chamuel and Hemah to welcome them into the life of the deceased with about thirty other chatty ghosts on their transparent heels.
Chamuel was delighted with the new potential friends—especially Gram.
Hemah appeared wildly uncomfortable, but Gramps got It chatting.
Mr. Jackson was so sweet and kind, he could make even the worst of the worst feel at ease.
Heather stood hand in hand with Missy and grinned at all of us so hard her cheeks had to hurt. Missy tilted her head when she saw me then raised a brow.
“Dude, you’re a Soul Keeper?” she asked.
“Apparently,” I admitted with a grin.
Missy threw her head back and laughed. “Girlfriend! Welcome to the club.”
My BFF since childhood was delighted that I’d joined her club. I couldn’t wait to explain who I’d harbored. She was going to shit a brick. Not literally, like Shitty Ritchie… figuratively.
Rafe, Prue, Abby and Gabe were with Tory, Amelia, Zander and Catriona.
All were laughing and all were thrilled with the outcome of the mission.
There was a lot of romance going on with certain individuals in that group.
I needed to get up to speed on the gossip.
Talking about love instead of death was going to be a treat.
I was over the death and destruction part and hoped it would stay buried for a good long while. We all deserved a freaking break.
“Are you going to the dong’s funeral later?” Alana Catherine asked Gideon and I with a naughty little smirk.
“Pass,” Gideon said. “I’ve heard enough about Dave the dong to last many lifetimes.”
I laughed. “And unfortunately, I’ve seen Dave the dong. On the very real chance that Shitty Ritchie will reveal Dave at the funeral, I’m going to take a hard pass, too.”
Alana Catherine grinned. “You guys want to go on a date with me to my playground instead?”
I glanced at Gideon in concern. I was pretty sure the playground had been destroyed when the house had. He winked at me and covertly shook his head.
“Yep,” he told our daughter. “It’s a date.”
She kissed each of our cheek and wandered into the crowd of our friends and family.
“Do we even have a playground anymore?” I asked Gideon.
“No,” he replied. “However, ten minutes from now, we will. What Alana Catherine wants Alana Catherine will have.”
I grinned. She had her daddy wrapped around her little finger… and mine too. Neither one of us would have it any other way.
Candy Vargo’s foster kids had tackled her and were having a shrieking, screaming, laughing tickle party on the lawn.
The out-of-control giggling was contagious.
Even Gideon chuckled. Having kids around was glorious.
They were just too damned adorable. Of course, Candy’s badass reputation was being systematically shredded by her sweet behavior with her little ones.
But I was pretty sure she didn’t care. She loved big and she loved hard. It was one of her secret weapons.
“The Demons are here,” Gideon commented.
I raised a brow. “You’re a Demon,” I reminded him.
“True, but I live here with my very hot wife. I own the ugly house behind us.”
I laughed. He would get rewarded for the very hot wife comment as soon as we could get a little privacy. I was looking very forward to that.
Goddess Cecily, Abaddon, Goddess Pandora and the Demons stood slightly apart from the rest of the group, but we’re clearly pleased with the results of the mission.
Cecily was fascinated yet appalled by Shitty Ritchie.
She watched the tiny guy with an expression that was half-horrified and half-amused.
The Goddess could join the club. She and Abaddon had gotten cornered by the miniature weirdo who was begging them to stay and attend the funeral for his formerly large dong.
It was not a two-way conversation. Shitty Ritchie was talking their heads off and Cecily and Abaddon were trapped.
It was a typical day in the life of Shitty Ritchie and everyone around him.
But Pandora… Her focus was elsewhere. Her eyes were glued to the ghost of the former Higher Power aka Hemah.
“Pandora,” I said in a brook no bullshit tone. “Don’t start anything.”
She gave me her resting bitch face stare. It was impressive.
“I’m quite put out that Its already dead,” Pandora lamented. “It would have been my greatest wish come true to have destroyed It myself. I would have made Its demise last months—possibly years. Would have been very painful. Very, very painful.”
“Welp,” I said, wanting to get away from her. “Its dead. Very dead. Completely dead. You’re going to have to find another hobby.”
Before she could answer, Gideon and I gave her the slip. Dealing with Pandora wasn’t on my present to-do list. I would be pleasant, but I still didn’t trust the woman.
Everything was wonderful… until it got weird.
Why in the hell did it always have to get weird?
“Daisy! Gideon!” Candy Vargo shouted. “Over here. NOW!”
Gideon and I ran like the Darkness was on our ass. When we reached Candy, we froze.
She was holding a baby. I was confused. None of her foster kids were babies. The youngest was five. Had she gotten new kids while we were gone? That didn’t make sense. I would think that social services would want to meet her in person if they were letting her foster a baby.
I didn’t get it.
Gideon did.
He walked over to Candy Vargo and extended her arms. That was when I noticed the clothes in a pile on the ground at Candy’s feet. They were Alana Catherine’s clothes.
I almost swallowed my tongue.
“What happened?” I asked, rushing to Gideon’s side and checking that it was indeed our baby in his arms.
It was.
“Craziest fuckin’ thing,” Candy said, looking a little shell shocked. “I was yackin’ with Alana Catherine about if gauchos were in style or not and all of a sudden, she turned into a dang baby. I caught our little gal before she hit the ground. Scared the crap out of me!”
Everyone had gathered around. The mood had gone from joyous to confused. No one was sure what to do.
“It’s fine,” I announced, willing it to be true. “This is actually Alana Catherine’s true age. She’s a baby. All’s good.” I looked at Gideon. “It’s good right?”
He nodded and cuddled her close. “It’s good,” he said with more confidence that I was sure he was feeling. “She grew up fast because she had to. Now, everything is how it should be and she has the chance to live her life in the way it was supposed to be lived.”
My knees almost bucked in relief. He made so much sense it brought tears to my eyes.
“All good,” I yelled to everyone. “It’s all fine.”
“If it’s all good, why does Shitty Ritchie see the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse?” he asked with wide eyes.
“Fuck,” I said, trying not to freak out.
I loved the drag queens. They loved me. Dirk, Fred, Wally and Carl were my friends. They’d probably heard about the true Higher Power and were here to check it out. That was it. That had to be it.
They rode up on their gorgeous steeds. Everyone backed up to give them room.
Carl was in front on a white horse—representing Conquest. Dirk came next on an ashen pale green horse—representing Death. Fred followed on a black horse—representing Famine. And bringing up the rear was Wally. Wally rode a red horse and represented War.
None of the boys were in drag. It was all kinds of wrong. No dresses, no false eyelashes, no makeup, no wigs. It made me feel ill.
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse wasted no time.
“Alana Catherine is vulnerable,” Wally said. “She cannot defend herself as a baby.”
“I can defend her,” I said without hesitation. “I’m her mother.”
“And I’m her father,” Gideon said, eyeing the Horsemen with distrust. “Nothing will happen to her under my watch. Nothing.”
“She will be defended by the Darkness as well,” Cecily said, stepping up next to us.
Abaddon was to her left and Pandora to her right. Candy Vargo, Tim, Charlie and Heather joined the line of protectors. My siblings along with Tory, Zander and Catriona stepped up as well.
“We’re fuckin’ in,” Candy told the boys. “All of us. “Ani’t nothing gonna happen to that baby if I got anything to say.”
“And Candy Vargo always has something to say,” Tim added, patting his friend on the back.
“Yes, I fuckin’ do,” she confirmed.
Dirk’s gaze met mine. “It is not that simple, Daisy.”
I shook my head. What did he mean?
Fred dismounted and walked over to Gideon. He lightly touched Alana Catherine’s cheek and cooed at her. “There are those who were never fans of the Higher Power, and they will stop at nothing to keep It from rising again. Even if that means killing Alana Catherine to end It once and for all.”
“I WILL EAT THOSE FUCKERS,” Shitty Ritchie bellowed.
Jennifer took her position next to her partner. Chamuel and Hemah floated above them.
“Now, I can’t eat people,” Jennifer said. “But I will fight for Alana Catherine with all I have… and I have a lot, my friends.”
Carl smiled down at Jennifer, then let his gaze scan the rest of us. “All of you are good people with good intentions, but we have concerns.”
“Who?” I demanded. “Who is after my child?”
Wally sighed dramatically. “The question is not, who is? The question is, who is not?”
My stomach dropped to my toes. Gideon growled. I glanced around wildly. I trusted everyone here. Or, I thought I did. Wait. I didn’t trust Pandora or Hemah, but those I loved and trusted did.
Fuck me.
“What are we supposed to do?” I asked all four of the Horsemen. “TELL ME.”
“You wait,” Wally said.
“You watch,” Fred added.
“You prepare,” Dirk said.
“And you strike,” Carl advised.
Wally smiled. It was weary and sad. “That is all we know, Daisy. Make the best decisions and pray. For if the child is destroyed… the end will come.”
Enemies of the world could bring it on. I would be ready and waiting.
Anyone coming for my Alana Catherine was about to learn that messing with the Angel of Mercy’s child would get them dead.
My midlife was about to get spicy, again, and I would break the Scoville scale to burn anyone coming for me and mine from the inside out.
The end…