SIX
“BEEN SO PARANOID THAT NOTHING IN THIS WORLD SEEMED COINCIDENTAL.” DRAKE
“I need a VACATION!” she screamed in the mirror. She was two seconds from pulling her hair out of her head.
She wanted to go out of town but she was a big girl now and she ran a big girl business and she couldn’t run off to Miami at the moment.
If she wasn’t in a meeting, she was working on a proposal or approving a budget for an upcoming one.
If she wasn’t at the office, she was either at church or the bookstore.
She’d missed her last few sessions with her therapist, but to be real, she was growing tired of talking about Jio, especially when she wasn’t taking any of her therapist's advice. Nina didn’t want to keep wasting that lady’s time.
Maybe one day she would find the balls to leave Jio for once and for all.
Nina needed air but not the kind that came from cracking a window or stepping outside for a few minutes.
She missed the days when she knew how to properly exist outside of everybody else’s bullshit.
Work. Her family. Kobie’s injury and the blogs and her fuckin’ cousins calling to be messy and the constant ache in her chest that came from loving a man who could make her feel protected and imprisoned in the same breath.
Lately, her life felt messy and she didn’t like it.
Her thoughts were loud when she tried to sleep. Her loft was designed carefully down to the last marble finish and it felt loud with memories of Jio coming and going like she was a place he owned but didn’t always live in.
The expensive gifts sitting untouched in her closet bothered her.
Even the ache in her chest that pounded every morning when she opened her eyes and realized she had survived another night without peace was heavy too.
Even now, weeks after their latest blowup, Nina couldn’t stop checking her phone at random times.
She’d been anxiously waiting for his name to flash across the screen.
It irritated her and the thought of her being so thirsty for him felt embarrassing.
Because despite everything he’d put her through like the emotional exhaustion and possessiveness, she’d painfully realized that she was in love with a man who loved her deeply but only knew how to show it through control. Sadly, she still missed her baby.
The version of Jio who laughed quietly against her neck in the middle of the night and who happily bought her special edition books because he knew how determined she was to have the best at-home library one day.
The man that she loved was dangerous, yet and still, Nina believed that he would change one day.
She spent the morning pretending to work. She was one of those people who convinced themselves that just because she kept busy, she was automatically being productive, but she was only fooling herself.
On the outside looking in, she looked like she had her shit together.
She had the title. The degree that gave her accolades that sounded impressive.
She had the corner office on the top floor.
She signed folks’ checks. People saw the tailored blazer and trouser pants, the carefully combed and pinned hair.
The polished nails and pedicured toes. The glowy skin and big smile.
They assumed she was fine and her life was perfect, but on the real, it was the complete opposite.
She was suffering internally. Vogue recently wrote, “Nina Marcelle represents what new-age power looks like.”
What the fuck did that even mean? She read that one line a hundred times, and even with all of her degrees and her expanded knowledge due to her being a proud bibliophile, she just didn’t get what new age power looked like.
Secondly, why did she have to represent it? What the hell was everyone else doing?
People just knew that she was a composed chick, but the reality of it was that she was one unanswered call away from losing her mind.
By noon, Nina closed her laptop and accepted the truth.
She was not going to get anything done. Not until she heard from Jio.
He was making her eat her words and she didn’t like it.
The man that she fell in love with two years ago was long gone.
Nina swore the honeymoon stage had ended a while back and he didn’t agree, but how could he not? He barely answered the damn phone.
She grabbed her work bag and told her assistant, “I have an off-site that slipped my mind. I’m headed out.”
“Ma’am, we didn’t have any appointments on the cal─”
Nina stepped onto the elevator before she could finish her sentence. “Are you okay? I just want to make sure,” the young hopeful girl asked.
She deserved the truth. Plus, Nina didn’t feel like lying today. “I just need some air.”
When she hopped in the awaiting truck, Roberto confirmed where they were going like he always did.
“Should we head home?”
“No.” Home was the last place she wanted to be. Nina had so much anxiety when she was there and it was because she felt like she lived in limbo… waiting on Jio to walk through the front door. She hated the anticipating feeling of hoping to see his face.
“Anywhere in particular, Miss Marcelle?”
“Just drive,” she murmured, looking out the window.
Nina watched Manhattan move around her. People with places to be made her envious.
She’d been all work no play for months. Nina was overly determined to prove her worth to her parents.
It hurt her to know that they were expecting her to fail.
She was gonna make them eat their words.
Every time they turned around, she wanted her family to hear nothing but accomplishment after accomplishment.
“My Nina Marie is different.” Her grandfather’s words wouldn’t return void.
In the midst of being on a marathon run as she chased after success, she still needed to do better with making time for things that brought her joy, outside of Jio.
It was almost as if God heard her cry when she peeped a banner hanging outside a gallery on the corner of 16th St.
A new exhibit. Her eyes piqued with interest.
Color. Black faces. Bronze sculpture. Nina loved art and she hadn’t had anything to look forward to in so long.
“There,” she said suddenly. “Let’s go there!” she said excitedly.
“The museum?” he asked to be sure before he eased near the curb.
Nina stepped out happily, knowing good and damn well Roberto hated when she did that.
“Call you when I’m done!” she told him before slamming the door.
The gallery sat on a quiet street in Tribeca, tucked between a luxury furniture store and a tiny café overflowing with plants.
She breathed a sigh of relief as calmness washed all over her once she stepped inside the gallery.
It was quiet and there weren’t many people in attendance, which was a plus.
The floors were polished concrete and the walls were freshly painted.
The fumes didn’t bother her though. She purchased a ticket for one and began her journey.
There was a champagne bar tucked near the back, a few well-dressed people moving slowly from piece to piece, whispering like they were in church. She was one of those people who spent a crazy amount of time staring at one picture and didn’t like to feel rushed to keep it moving.
Nina exhaled for what felt like the first time in ages.
She didn’t have to worry about being late to anything.
No one needed her signature on a contract.
Nino wasn’t barking. She wasn’t checking her phone for a missed call or text from Jio.
For an hour or two, life was on pause and she didn’t have to boggle her mind with who she was dating, why she was still with him, why she went to see Kobie, why her family was disappointed, why Jio was the way he was, why she kept playing with fire and acting surprised when she got burned.
Art didn’t demand answers from her. The only thing it wanted her to do was feel the mood of the artist. All she had to do was release and connect.
She stopped in front of a painting that took up almost an entire wall. A Black woman stood in the center of it, her face turned away from the viewer, her back bare, and her spine was painted in gold. Behind her, a house burned. In front of her, flowers grew from cracked pavement.
Nina stared at it longer than she intended.
Something about it made her throat tighten.
“That one grabs everybody,” a voice said beside her.
Nina turned to see a woman standing next to her was beautiful in an easy, unbothered way.
Not overdone or trying too hard. She wore wide-leg trousers, a cropped cream sweater, and gold hoops that brushed her jaw when she moved.
Her skin was a deep brown and it glowed.
Her hair was pulled back into a sleek, low bun.
She held a glass of champagne in one hand and a program in the other.
Nina glanced back at the painting. “It’s hard not to stare at it.”
“It makes you feel exposed or is it just me?”
Nina looked at her again.
The woman smiled. “Sorry. I’m Danyelle.”
“Nina.”
Danyelle’s brows lifted a tad but not in the way people usually did after they put two and two together. There was recognition there for sure, but she didn’t act on it. She didn’t widen her eyes or start listing mutual friends or ask about Marcelle & Co.
She nodded. “Nice to meet you, Nina.” Her smile lit up the dark room. Good energy was contagious.
“Have you been here before?” Danyelle questioned.
“Surprisingly, no. I was randomly driving by and saw the sign.”
“Welcome in!” Danyelle turned back to the painting.
“Thank you. This is my version of self-care so I’m very happy to be here,” Nina admitted.
“I always say I want to do more peaceful things, then I end up doing brunch and pretending mimosas count as self-care.”
Nina laughed a real laugh which was surprising.
Danyelle smiled like she had expected it. “See? You needed that.”
“I did,” Nina nodded.
“I could tell.”
She arched an eyebrow. “You read people too?”