YEON
My heart is thudding in my chest so hard that I'm surprised that no one around me can hear it.
I honestly can't believe what is even happening right now.
How is this our life? A question that I've not asked myself in a really long time.
Not since we first became idols and debuted.
Not since our very first show where we had more people show up than we ever could've imagined.
One second, we're preparing for a comeback due in a few months. The next we're standing here with a girl that not only fits into the craziness of our lives, but feels as though she's been there all along.
I can't look at Kyung, because I know he saw my arm wrapped across her shoulders.
I don't even remember putting it there. It just felt so natural.
I'm worried that he will see what I'm thinking, considering I tend to wear my emotions on my face as my members so kindly like to remind me.
I shouldn't feel so attached so early like this. The only way I’d know how to explain it is through something I once read about: the red string theory.
That there is a thread that ties fated people together.
No matter distance or obstacles, when the timing is right, they will find each other, and it's unbreakable.
In the years that I've been with these men that I consider family, I could swear that we're all connected by that single string.
Even when times have gotten tough and we've all taken hits mentally and emotionally, we've been there for each other so that we don't give up.
It's strange that since the very first moment of meeting Lizzy, that theory is all I've been able to think about.
Might have something to do with the fact that I had a dream about it the first night we met her.
Ever since, I've not been able to stop from wondering.
Is she tied to Kyung? Or him and Dav En both?
Was I wrong that the eight of us were tied together?
Are we supposed to be nine and she is just now finding her way to us?
It's a conversation that I've started to have with Seong Su in the past couple days, but no matter how hard I try, there's not really been a good way to bring it up without risking sounding crazy.
What other kind of explanation is there for the way that she fits with us so easily?
Or the fact that she just so easily accepted Yoon Ji's proposal.
I've not been in a relationship since before we debuted, so I don't have a whole lot of experience as it is.
I don't clearly see how this is going to work.
I'm simply going to run with my red string theory and Kyung's word of advice when I spoke with him about it yesterday to not stress the fine details and let things fall as they may.
"Okay," she says, her voice bringing me out of my head as she presses her hands together in a praying motion. "Are we ready to keep going?"
"I don't know," Yoon Ji states. "I think I could stay here forever."
She smiles softly at him. "So could I."
I think they might mean two different versions of staying here forever, the room and the moment, but neither clarifies.
"We've still got a lot to see," she tells him, looping her arm through his at the elbow.
He allows her to gently pull him out in front to lead us out of the room.
It's no surprise, honestly. Out of all of us, he's the biggest pushover.
We're often having to step in for him to make sure he doesn't get run over by people.
To be fair, though, she could've picked any eight of us at this point, and we all would've allowed it.
Even Minsul and Seong Su, who are both interested, yet the most reserved thus far.
We follow them down a hallway that slightly inclines as we go before finally opening into another large space. Where the first room we came to was similar in size, this one has only one wall of aquarium on it. The fish in here are smaller and brighter in color.
I'm admiring a cute little school of yellow fish when I hear her tell Yoon Ji, "I have a surprise for you. This might be a hard ask this soon, but do you trust me?"
Glancing over to where they're standing, Dav En close on their heels, I see when Yoon Ji smirks down at her. "Is my girlfriend...our girlfriend asking if I trust her?"
"Yes," she grins back up at him.
"I can't answer you unless you ask it like that," he teases, making Dav En snort softly before covering his mouth to try to hide it.
I don't know if they realize it or not, probably don't care, but they've got all of our attention.
Her expression softens even further as she looks up at him. "Do you trust your girlfriend?"
"Yes," he tells her this time with no hesitation.
She takes his hand this time and leads him to the other side of the room, us following along. When we reach an exit door, she turns to face him, saying, "Okay, I want you to close your eyes. No matter what you hear, keep them closed."
"Okay," he agrees.
I'm assuming he complies because she looks to the rest of us and presses a finger to her lips in a be quiet motion. Taking his hand again, she begins to slowly pull him toward the door, telling him, "No matter what."
He murmurs something that I can't hear, because we've had to practically single file through the door, and I've ended up in the back.
By the time that I'm on the other side, they're almost in front of the big glass wall where she's leading him.
When she stops him, she moves to his side so that she's facing his left arm and looks around for the rest of us to make sure we're all here.
Seeing that I'm the last, the smile that she sends me does something to my brain, because all I can do is stare at her.
I can see why they say that men went to war for beauty.
She is seriously one of the prettiest human beings I've ever seen in my twenty-eight years of life.
Sort of ironic at the same time since that's what many of our fans say about me in our group.
Her eyes break away from mine to look back to Yoon Ji.
I maneuver around to his right side so that I can see both of their faces at once.
I try my best to go out of my way to take care of all our members and make sure that they all feel cared for in their own ways.
Yoon Ji is always more difficult than the rest. Some of them, like In Se or Dav En, it's as simple as a hug, or a kind compliment for Seong Su or Minsul.
Yoon Ji is different. He doesn't respond well to affection, and actions have always spoken louder than words for him, I've noticed.
It's amazing to me that this beautiful creature has given him something so heartfelt in one gesture than she could possibly ever imagine.
"Okay, open your eyes," she tells him softly.
There's a second or two where his eyes are adjusting both from the light and from the wonder of what's in front of him. They go wide as his lips part in surprise. He’s seeing what the rest of us are: penguins in real life for the first time.
Of course, I only spent half a second taking in the animals, because I can't focus away from the beautiful scene unfolding in front of us.
His eyes are tracking the movements of the animals as they move from one spot to another, some of them swimming and others waddling.
Her eyes are focusing fully on him. A happy smile lighting both of their expressions, both the same for different reasons.
Letting mine wander a few steps behind them, I find Kyung watching them both with the same soft smile on his face.
It takes a strong man to share something so precious like this, and instead of being jealous that she's given Yoon Ji such a gift, Kyung looks like he couldn't possibly be happier.
That red string thrums with a loving vibration that I couldn't explain even if I tried.
There's a small splash in the tank that draws Liz's attention. She lets out a small gasp of excitement, taking Yoon Ji's hand again and tugging him around the other corner of the tank.
We follow, of course, as she explains, "This is Phillip. I'm glad he's awake. He's one of the favorites around here, but don't tell the others."
She says the last bit in a hush, slightly covering her lips as though the animals can understand. Smiling up at him again, she says, "He's very affectionate and loves getting pets."
Using the hand she's still holding, she presses Yoon Ji's hand against the glass with hers on top of it.
They wait until one of the smaller little guys with more white on his chest than the others makes his way over.
He eyes the two of them before pushing his head against the glass where their hands are.
She drops hers, leaving Yoon Ji's alone as Phillip continues to rub his head on the glass.
"You should put your hand back," Yoon Ji tells her softly.
Without argument or question, she does as he says, the two of them locking gazes again. Phillip all but forgotten for the moment. Kyung whispers something to Dav En, who hands over his phone. The clicks of him taking photos can be heard in the silence of the room.
Phillip grows bored and waddles away, all of us watching him go.
"I want to go back over to this side," Yoon Ji says, not letting go of her hand and pulling her along.
We split up, Dav En and Seong Su getting distracted by everything else in the room.
Yoon Ji takes a seat where he was originally standing, still holding her hand, but giving her the choice of sitting down or not.
She does, and In Se wastes no time claiming the spot on her other side, scootching in close and forcing her close enough to Yoon Ji that she's effectively smooshed between them.
Minsul watches through the glass still on Phillip's side of the tank.
His eyes lift from the trio on the floor up to mine, and he smiles at me before turning back to the penguins.
Tucking my hands in the pockets of my slacks, I stand behind the three of them on the floor as I watch the little animals swim around and interact with each other.
I'd chuckled a bit the other day when Yoon Ji told her that he's always wanted to see a real penguin.
Not because I thought it wasn't a worthwhile goal in life, but because it had been so completely random.
Now here we are with her giving him something none of us had ever considered to before.
"This is amazing," he tells her quietly, his deeper voice drifting back to where I'm standing.
"Mmm," she agrees.
He turns his face toward her. "You were bringing us here before I asked you to be our girlfriend."
"Mmm," she repeats.
"You were going to give me this for no reason?" he asks, wonder in his voice. "Why?"
Seong Su eases up next to me, invested in their conversation as I can tell Kyung and Minsul, who has both joined us as well, are too.
She shrugs, pulling her knees up to her chest as she smiles at the penguins in front of us.
"Because you said that you wanted to see one, and I knew how to make it happen.
Kindness costs nothing in life. I may not be able to solve worldly problems, but if I can spread a little bit of happiness then I say that's a life well lived. "
In Se's head turns slowly as he searches for Jae-un, who's come up on my other side. They share a secret smile that might be more of a secret if the rest of us weren't feeling the same way. I'm not surprised in the least that Kyung fell for her. How could he not?
Yoon Ji says nothing and hasn't stopped staring at her. It takes her a minute or two to notice.
Her face turns toward him, brows drawing down in confusion. "What?"
I'm nervous for what he's going to say next, so much that my palms are sweating.
I love Yoon Ji as much as I love any of our other members.
Sometimes, he just has this effect on people.
Even some of our fans have mentioned it.
They love to love him from afar. He's a beautiful person, inside and out.
He's just hard for some people to take in long doses.
I think he's perfect in his own way, awkward outspoken weirdness and all.
The problem is that it's not society norm, which makes it twice as bad for an idol.
Agreeing to be with us, she's signed up for all of it or none.
Which, apparently, my other members are on the same page as none of us offer a buffer like we would normally. We all wait for his answer.
"Thank you," he states simply and quietly with a soft smile before turning back to the penguins.
Nothing weird or out of the way. Just a thank you.
Pride and this other feeling swell in my chest that I can't name, watching her lean close enough to lay her head on his shoulder.
In Se does the same to her. Jae-un, never one to want to be left out, moves to sit next to his bestie and lays his head on his shoulder.
Even I have to admit that they make a cute picture.
Seong Su is one step ahead of me with his phone out to capture it.
Kyung replaces Jae-un at my side and Dav En eventually moves to Seong Su's. I don't know how long we all sit in this room, all lost in the flurry of our thoughts, caught between the sight of the cute little animals and the small bubble of happiness that we've found ourselves in.