TRACK 16 #3
When Yoon Ji texts the chat saying they're on their way home, I swallow hard, not sure I'm ready to face my own feelings about the things she shared with him today.
It was my GR8VITZ, Nova, that she felt the need to rescue from loneliness.
It's hit me harder the longer that I've thought on it.
My parents were always doting on me growing up, but I never had many friends.
I never truly knew what being alone was until I started training to be an idol.
They called me an ace for being good at everything, but no one ever wanted me to join them.
I spent a little over two years without any friends, living a life of solitude when I wasn't training.
Then, I was introduced to my members and we all just clicked.
I've never looked back, because I haven't felt that aching loneliness in a long, long time.
Hard to when you're surrounded by seven people who notice even the slightest change in you and take an interest in finding out what's wrong.
I've opened up to Liz somewhat about what it used to be like, but she doesn't know the extent of how deep my internal scars run.
Maybe someday, but that's not really a good thing to share first thing, I don't think.
Since Dav En and I got back, I've been sitting at the kitchen bar with my chin propped on Nova, lost in my thoughts.
At some point, the others have slowly filled up the space around me.
All holding their own GR8VITZ. Dav En is to my left, beside him is Minsul, and at the end sits Yeon.
Jae-un is standing in the space between me and Seong who is sitting at the end of the counter.
Kyung is standing, leaning against it across from me.
Probably because he can see her first when she walks in from there.
He's playing with the little tail on his deer named Lumi that's colored to look like a comet while lost in his own thoughts.
We hear the front door beep, and his eyes jump to mine.
We share a half smile, half grimace. I can hear Yoon Ji's voice as he comes down the short hallway talking to her.
Turning just in time to see them coming around the corner, the sight steals my breath away.
Her arm is looped through his elbow, and her face is turned up to him smiling wide like he just hung the moon.
What's so cute that it's not even funny is that he's staring right back at her with that same smile and expression.
Worry and self-doubt try to wriggle its way into my heart.
What if I can never be enough for her like that?
It takes them both a moment to realize we're sitting here, but neither seem surprised. They keep the same pace as they make their way over to where Kyung stands waiting. He opens his arms and she slides into them easily, but awkwardly not letting go of Yoon Ji either.
Turning to face the rest of us, she lets out a small huff. "That didn't take long."
"I'm sorry," Yoon Ji apologizes. "You said not to keep it a secret."
"You're right, I did," she reassures him, turning to squeeze him in a hug, which he returns tightly.
Her cheek is pressed against his chest as I see her eyes wander across all of our GR8VITZ we're holding starting with Yeon at the end.
As they land on my Nova, her gaze slowly lifts to mine.
Her bottom lip trembles as she fights to hold back her tears.
I give her a small smile, but it's not enough.
For either of us. She slams her eyes closed, but it doesn't stop the tears from leaking out the sides.
Even her turning her face to Yoon Ji and burying it into his chest isn't going to stop me from seeing and feeling what I am.
I'm out of my seat before Kyung has even reached for her.
Of course, he's got her wrapped between him and Yoon Ji by the time that I get to them, but I don't care.
I'd walk through the black void of space and fight any alien for her right now.
Reaching between them, I lift her chin and wait until she's opened her eyes, looking at me.
I give her lips a glance, giving her a chance to pull away.
When she doesn't, I grab the sides of her face and drop my mouth to hers.
I don't care that her lips have a wet salty taste to them where her tears have slipped down.
I don't care that Yoon Ji and Kyung's arms are digging into my stomach and chest where they're refusing to let her go.
None of that matters. I just want her to feel everything that I do through this kiss.
Eventually, the two arms blocking me move so that I can squeeze between the two of them and hug her. She sighs into my mouth and it's one of the greatest feelings on this earth.
"Thank you for bringing my Nova home," I whisper to her as soon as I can pull myself away from her.
Her blink is slow as a tiny smile pulls the corners of her lips up. Kyung and Yoon Ji both press a kiss to opposite sides of her head.
"Can we ask you for a favor?" Seong asks quietly, pulling her attention back to the others at the counter. "Will you give us the honor of celebrating your birthday with you tomorrow?"
Even as only one side of the trifecta hug we've got going on with her, I can feel when she takes a deep breath and lets it out.
"I can't guarantee that I'm going to be the best of company," she states honestly. "I might end up crying. Maybe even a lot."
He nods, but it's Minsul who replies, "I will hold you through it, too."
Swallowing hard, he apologizes, "I'm sorry about earlier. I didn't mean to come off so insensitive."
Shaking her head slightly, she sniffles. "Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything wrong. I didn't mean to ruin everyone's night. I didn't want to come back and everyone be sad with me."
"We're sad without you," Yeon states gently. "We're glad you came back, and even more happy that you're going to give us tomorrow with you."
"Yeah," Dav En adds. "You're going to love my present the best."
We laugh, and she covers her face with her hands. Behind them she murmurs, "You don't have to do presents."
He puts on his little pouty face for her that she likes to make with him sometimes as he whines, "But I didn't spend any money on mine if that makes you feel any better."
She moves her right hand to her cheek to peer at him, making everyone who can see her face laugh. "Maybe."
"I think we better call it a night," Seong tells us. "Big day tomorrow."
"Don't say it like that," she begs. "It's just another day."
"Nuh uh," I whisper in her ear. "It's our Liz's day."
"Will you stay with me tonight?" Yoon Ji asks her, beating all of us to the punch.
I don't know how it's happened so far, but we've ended up never making her choose where she sleeps.
We've all pretty much chosen for her, but with her having the ability to say no, of course.
Yet, she never has. Again, there's not a woman in this world more perfect for us than her.
"I'd love to." She smiles softly up at him.
"Can we chat for a minute alone first, Yoon Ji?" Seong asks him.
"I need to grab some stuff first anyway," she tells him, reaching up to kiss him on the bottom of his chin.
This close, I can really see the pink that tinges his cheeks.
I would never in a million years tell him that it's cute, but it is.
We all let her go at the same time, and I watch as her shoulders sink like she feels the loss of our touch on more than one level.
I remind myself to hug her as much as possible in the coming hours.
She steps out from between us and walks toward the hall leading to our rooms. Kyung acts like he wants to go after her, but Jae-un beats him since we're slightly blocking him in. I give Jae-un a few seconds’ head start before stepping out of Kyung's way and letting him through.
I catch Yeon's eye and wink just as he starts to smile. He saw what I did and won't say a word.
The rest of us flow out behind them so that Seong can talk to Yoon Ji.
I'd say to fill him in on the plans for tomorrow.
Dav En wasn't exactly lying when he said his present is probably going to be her favorite.
I'm excited for it, too. Mostly because I can't wait to make her happy. No matter whose present is the best.