TRACK 20
LOST IN ORBIT
SEONG SU
It's always been crazy to me how quickly things can change at the drop of a hat.
One second, we're working our bodies into the ground preparing for a comeback, the next I'm having my head chewed off for being late to a few of our recent scheduled commitments.
To be fair, we have been quite distracted lately, but is it too much to ask after all of the time that we've put in over the years to be able to find some happiness outside of that in real life?
It's why I didn't get as mad with Kyung at the beginning of all of this as I probably could've.
I understood exactly where he was coming from.
And it's paid off in the most beautiful way possible.
That's why when the main manager at our company stops by for a morning visit, I send the rest of my members ahead of me, promising to catch up. Liz left hours ago, so I sit and take my berating like a good idol, taking one for the team.
He's yelling and spewing his usual nonsense about disbanding us if we don't get our act together.
We've never been that band that he's had to worry over, but at the first slightest inconvenience and he jumps straight to disbandment as though it's supposed to terrify us.
Do I want us to disband? Of course not. We've worked hard to get where we are.
But I also know that he's all bark and no bite, because we make the company too much money.
So, I take it all in stride, acting properly chastised and promising to do whatever it takes to make sure we don't lose focus again.
When he finally leaves, I roll my eyes and call for a ride.
I could've gotten one from him, but the less time I spend around him the better.
Being the leader is the only reason I'm able to keep my temper in check most of the time.
By the time we're done for the day, we've already had two separate interviews and a photoshoot. We're exhausted when we get home. None of us notice at first that the house is quieter than usual for how late it is. It isn't until we're walking into our rooms that we notice something is wrong.
In Se's voice carries from across the hall, "What the hell?"
He never cusses. I'm thinking as I see my GR8VITZ in the middle of my bed. My heart feels like it stops in my chest. I walk over to it, noticing a small slip of paper tucked between the fox's feet. When I open it and read it, I drop to my knees.
You'll do whatever it takes. So will I. Don't let them lose GR8VITY because of me. I'm sorry.
Our entire house falls into chaos around me, but I can't be their leader for once. I'm the one who messed this up. She must've still been here this morning, and I had no idea. I did this. I made her leave. I can't lead anyone when I don't know which direction I'm supposed to be going.
It's been weeks since Liz walked out of our lives.
We haven't given up on trying to find her, but our hope is dwindling since we found out that she's left Seoul.
She isn't answering any texts and our calls are going straight to voicemail.
None of us have been okay, but especially Kyung.
We're going about our busy schedule, but he might as well be a robot for as much emotion as he shows.
In Se has also withdrawn into himself and stopped eating.
Jae-un gets angry easier. The others are in their own states of denial and depression.
I'd held off on telling them what I knew because I'd held onto the hope that we'd find her and I'd be able to explain everything.
Then as the days turned to weeks, it got harder and harder to open my mouth to tell them the truth.
Especially as In Se stalks her social media daily and gives us the same news of no news and we live the heartbreak daily.
Kyung hangs around for it then disappears into his room.
Today is no different. We're sitting around the living room, In Se on his phone. The guilt is eating me alive, and I can't take it anymore. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
"I have something to tell you," I say to the room, leaning forward, putting my elbows on my knees. Even In Se stops digging on his phone as I get his attention.
I open my mouth and tell them the entire truth from start to finish from what she overheard to the note that she left and how it's all my fault.
Kyung jerks upright to leave, but collapses into a heap on the floor sobbing.
Immediately he's surrounded by Yeon, Yoon Ji, and Jae-un all holding him and letting him cling to them.
His tears and their own devastation bringing out their sobs.
Dav En stands and starts pacing, getting more and more agitated every time he glances at his best friend on the floor.
I slowly walk over, not expecting any kind of welcome for my hand in all of this, but Jae-un reaches out and yanks me to the floor with them. I take Kyung's hand and squeeze it as I start to cry with him. "I'm so sorry, Kyung."
In Se gasps in surprise, startling Minsul next to him who has been sitting stone-faced this whole time. "She made a new post a few hours ago."
Tears roll down his face, as he chokes out, "She said she left her heart in Seoul."
"That means that she's gone for good?" Yoon Ji asks as Kyung presses his forehead against the floor.
"Wait," In Se says loudly. "She read my message. She's typing back!"
Minsul jumps into action flipping on the tv and telling him to screencast so we can all see.
The way her first message that pops up on that screen hits me like a sucker punch to the stomach.
In Se.
Hi, baby. I miss you.
I miss you too.
Are you okay?
I don't know the best way to answer that.
Then show me that pretty face.
I don't want to In Se.
Why baby?
??
Tears or not you're still the prettiest girl.
When the photo pops up, I feel like throwing up. Not only because even with her eyes closed anyone can see the sadness weighing her down, but also because I miss her so much.
"Where do you think she is?" Minsul asks, pointing out everything in the picture.
Dav En jumps on board with him. "If we can figure it out then we can bring her home."
In Se doesn't miss a beat in their conversation.
Can I see those pretty eyes?
Her little typing dots pop up then disappear like she's rewriting her answer.
"Kyung, where's that village she said she loved so much?" Dav En asks, but his friend just shakes his head in response.
In Se pushes.
I'll show you mine if you show me yours ??
Lol. How do you always do that?
Do what baby?
Put a smile on my face.
The next picture she sends is even more heartbreaking, because the once happy, beautiful girl we all love is still there. In Se snaps a quick selfie and sends it to her. Her little typing dots do the thing again where they're there and then not again.
It hurts In Se.
What does?
Seeing your face. I miss you.
You have no idea how much you're missed here. Please come home to us.
I can't.
Can you tell me why?
Typing dots again before they go away. It’s a few seconds before they come back.
What you guys have built...your dream...
it's such a beautiful thing. It's even more amazing to be able to experience it in person.
Me being there threatens all of that hard work.
I'm a distraction making everyone unfocused.
I should never ever come before each other or your fans.
All of you deserve better than that. I've messed up the dynamics of your family and caused problems with your career.
If you let me go In Se everything will go back to normal the way that it should be.
I can't take it anymore. My heart can't take it. I let my head hang in shame. This whole thing is my fault. My tears turn into this pathetic hiccup sob. Yeon scoots closer, hugging me to his body as he cries with me. "Don't carry this burden alone, Seong Su.”
It takes a few minutes before I can even read In Se's reply.
You don't know just how wrong you are, baby.
For starters, we're not letting you go. I don't care if I have to chase you around the world.
Dynamics change in families all the time.
That doesn't mean we run from them. We embrace the change.
If you left us to find your own happiness then we understand.
You are my happiness In Se.
Then if all we have to do is work harder to prove to you that you aren't a burden on our career then consider it done.
There's a small moment of silence before her next message that makes me sick to my stomach again.
Prove it by not coming to get me. I'll tell you where I am but you prove it by sticking to your schedules bc I know they're full right now.
Her next message is the name of the village, but Kyung reads it without looking at it.
I'll be here waiting. Whether it takes weeks, months, or even years. I'll wait for you.
You think you can wait years to see this face?
Lol I know I don't have the right to be asking for favors, but I need one.
Anything.
Give Kyung a hug. Don't tell him it's from me but just hug him tight.
I sure will.
I'm going to lose service soon. In Se?
Yes baby?
Never mind. It can wait.
But I can't...look who you're talking to.
A couple minutes pass. Just as Dav En asks, "Did we lose her?" another message comes through.
I love you, In Se.
In Se starts crying, but I can't tell if it's happiness or sadness as he types a message back to her.
I love you too baby. We all do.
She reads it but doesn't respond, likely losing service like she told him was going to happen.
I wipe my face, trying to put back on my leader hat.
"Okay, we know where she is. I'll double check our schedule, but we should have four days off in a couple weeks.
I'll make sure we don't get scheduled for anything, and we will go get her and bring her home. "
I squeeze Kyung's hand until he looks at me. "I will bring her home, Kyung. I'm sorry."