Chapter 2 #6
I slammed the phone down, went upstairs to Nikky’s room, and rummaged through her wardrobe until I found her fluffy pink sweater and her money box.
I stuffed them into my backpack, sneaked into my room, and carefully opened the creaking wardrobe door.
I grabbed a pair of jeans and a hoodie, went to the bathroom, and took off my short pajama pants and my strap tank top.
I didn’t look at myself in the mirror and kept my eyes off my breasts as I fastened my bra.
I didn’t tell Jamie that I was leaving. If I made good time, I could get there and back in an hour—and if I was lucky, I’d be home before Mom and Dad.
I pushed my bike out of the garage as silently as I could, switched on its lights, and pulled the hood over my head—I didn’t want anyone to realize it was a girl wandering alone at night.
For once, Nikky kept her word and was waiting for me at the edge of the park when I got there. Luckily, the street lamps were working. If they hadn’t been, it would’ve been pitch-dark.
It’s like those clichéd horror movies: in the dark of the night, two defenseless girls were standing not far from the playground when they heard a noise.
A monster leaped from a bush, thirsty for their blood.
They ran screaming but couldn’t outrun the beast. It sank its sharp teeth into them, tore them to pieces, then devoured their corpses.
I ironically thanked myself for playing out this horror flick in my head instead of distracting myself.
My lungs and legs were already burning from the long bike ride, and now my insides were tight with fear, too.
My heart raced from the imagined bloody scene.
The cool, humid air irritated my throat, my fingers were numb with cold, and my pale skin flushed red.
Panting, I stepped onto the sidewalk beside my sister.
“Hold this for a sec,” she said, pressing her beer bottle into my hand. Then she pulled on her sweater and counted the money I’d brought her. When I looked into her glassy, apathetic eyes, my heart clenched. I was worried for her.
“Just come home with me, Nikky,” I said, trying to convince her. She smelled like a bar—beer and the bitter stench of cigarettes. Her breath made my stomach turn.
“The party is just getting started.”
“What?” I asked, startled. “You are completely wasted!”
“I need the money because I want to get better,” she said, grinning, then grabbed her beer and took a long gulp.
“How would it help you get better?”
“Oh, Grace, I can’t decide whether you’re really this dumb or just playing the idiot.”
Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I felt their acid burn into my soul.
“Why?” I asked, putting an edge into the question because I wanted to hide how close I was to crying—my throat and chest were tight.
“I want to buy some speed. They say it clears your head, and then you can drink and smoke weed as much as you want.”
That night, both my siblings had lost their minds. If they stayed on this path, one of them would end up in jail for sleeping with a minor, the other in rehab.
“Take care, Nikky,” I said in a whisper.
I turned my bike around and put my weight on the cold, padded seat. Before I left, I took one last look at her as she stumbled back toward the others. Maybe I was worrying too much. Maybe it was all the movies I’d been watching. But I really hoped she wouldn’t end up on the morning news.
My sister’s humiliating words had an upside: I was no longer afraid. Her ugly remark perched on my shoulder and kept my mind off the long ride home.
I’d only ridden a few yards when Chase stepped out from behind a thick tree. I almost fell—I had to yank the handlebars sideways to avoid hitting him.
“Jesus!” I snapped, swallowing the swear that almost escaped. “You’re insane! I could’ve hit you!”
“What are you doing here?”
“I brought some money for my sister. I think you’ll see them soon,” I added dismissively.
“It’s not safe out here alone at night, Grace.”
He stepped closer. His eyes and voice were clear, his words weren’t slurred like Nikky’s had been, and his breath didn’t smell either.
“I’d already be halfway home if you hadn’t held me up.”
“I’ll walk you home.”
“Thanks, but walking would take much longer,” I said, then thought about how my heart always raced and my stomach twisted into a knot whenever I had to pass a bar. Still, I didn’t need a babysitter.
“You’re afraid,” he said, his fingers tightening around the handlebars.
“I’ll get home quickly,” I said, jutting out my chin.
His lips—always exuding temptation—twisted into a lopsided smirk. No matter how irritating I found his presence, deep down I was glad he was there. Glad that he was worried about me.
For weeks, I’d been thinking about what Chase’s good qualities might be—and that night, it clicked. Protectiveness. He was worried about me.
“You won’t back off, will you?” I asked, irritation creeping into my voice. I wanted him to realize he was making me uncomfortable.
“No,” he said firmly, a broad smile on his face.
“And I thought I could avoid you forever,” I said, then swung my right leg over my bike and stood beside him. His closeness sent warmth through my body. I could feel his eyes on my face.
“Why?” he asked.
“Because you’re trouble, Chase. You sell drugs for a living. I don’t think I need to explain it any further,” I said, looking straight into his eyes defiantly, because I wasn’t ashamed of what I’d said.
He nodded, but there was no shame in his posture—instead, he straightened. He towered over me. He sank his hands into his pockets, and we walked home without speaking a word.
The silence wasn’t uncomfortable at all—he wasn’t a talker, and neither was I.
When our shoulders accidentally bumped, I pulled away from him. Then it happened again. The third time our shoulders touched, I didn’t shy away. It had been a long, exhausting night—my head was filled with my brother, my sister, Daisy… and Chase.
We walked the last few meters with our shoulders touching.
When we reached our house, I turned into the driveway without a word and pushed my bike silently into the garage.
Then I walked to the front door, stepped next to him, started fiddling with my keychain—then stopped.
I wasn't doing it to make him kiss me. I just looked deep into his eyes and thanked him for his kindness.
Chase stepped closer, so I had to tilt my head back. I narrowed my eyes in suspicion—I really didn’t want him to kiss me, because…
“I’m dating someone,” I blurted out nervously.
Chase furrowed his thick brown eyebrows, then pulled his hood back. He traced the silhouette of my round face in the air with his thumb, his eyes following the path his finger mapped, while I was watching him. He didn’t touch me, but my heart still beat faster.
My eyes landed on his lips, which made him lean closer.
“You can’t kiss me,” I said, then backed away until my shoulders hit the rough plaster of our house wall. Chase followed me calmly and respected my wish—he didn’t kiss me. He did something far worse. He made me think about him all day. They were dark hours, filled with endless dreams.
I had no idea how long we stood there, next to our house, in the shade. All I could focus on was his breathing and mine. I didn’t know what he was doing to me, but he was very good at it.
“You’re going too far,” I whispered.
“You’re letting me get too close.”
“I shouldn’t,” I stated the obvious.
“Then don’t,” he whispered in my ear in his deep, resonant voice. My eyelids grew heavy, then closed when his cool face brushed mine.
I put my hands on his chest. My cold fingers soaked up his warmth, but I gently pushed him away.
“I’m sorry, but whatever you have in mind, it wouldn’t work. I won’t sleep with or date an older boy—especially one who has no life.”
I must have hurt him, but it was the right decision at that moment—I wanted to keep him away. He took two steps back and left me in the darkness, but my resolve held.
“Goodbye, Chase,” I said, and disappeared behind the safe walls of the house.
I ran upstairs at once, into my room, and closed the door. The farther he was, the better. The more walls between us, the easier it would be with time.
“Are you okay, Grace?” Daisy asked.
“Yeah,” I lied.
“I just had to take Nikky a sweater and some money. Go back to sleep,” I said with a smile, then sat on my bed.
For a long time, I watched the starry sky and the circle of light beneath the streetlamp in front of our house. Suddenly, I had an irrational urge to look outside. I stood up silently and crept over. I closed my eyes and kept repeating the same thing: He isn’t here, he isn’t here, he isn’t here.
But as soon as I opened my eyes, my breath caught in my throat.
A figure stood on the pavement on the other side of the street, thick gray smoke wafting from his mouth, an orange glow in the night, a dark shadow on the asphalt.
I jumped back carefully, mindful not to wake Daisy.
My ribcage felt tight, my heart raced, and my whole body was cold and shaking.
I took a step toward the window… the dark shape was gone, but all the bad feelings remained.
I sighed, exasperated, and crawled into bed without taking off my clothes.
I pulled the blanket up to my cold nose and looked at the face of my friend, who had just lost her virginity in the room next to mine—with my brother.
I felt terribly ashamed of how prejudiced I’d been about their “relationship.” I had no right to judge anyone when, that very same day, I’d gotten this close to Chase while going on dates with Billy.
I turned onto my back. My heart was racing dangerously, and all the feelings swirling inside me made my throat constrict.
That day, I hadn’t only hurt my brother’s feelings—I’d hurt Chase Baker’s, too.
The difference was that Jamie’s soul was paper-thin and warm, while Chase’s was hardened, pitch-black, and cold. He definitely wasn’t insulted to his core the way Jamie must have been—to whom I promised myself to apologize the next day.