Grace
Pretense and reality start to blur together.
The whole world becomes a huge, chaotic kaleidoscope of color.
And now I can’t see the boy who bought me cotton candy at the amusement park anymore.
Chase has changed since the murder—he’s laid himself bare, shedding the mask he offered to put on for me.
It felt good to pretend, to act a little differently, to pretend he hadn’t kidnapped me nine years ago, as if he hadn’t abused me and broken me.
But now the very thing I’ve been yearning for is happening—we’re together without pretending.
Chase has always been able to see to the bottom of my soul, to know what I want.
He’s offering me the world, and I’m feasting, eating until I’m close to bursting—but can I face the truth?
Can I accept myself? He doesn’t feel any guilt, but I do.
Because of Cyrus, because of my family… But fuck it, I fucking love the way his dick is getting even deeper into me, the way his hands touch my ass and my pussy, the way his kisses burn against my skin.
I want everything that is Chase Baker.
People would be right to think I’m not right in the head—I’m not, and I don’t care. As long as he looks at me like this, as long as I’m the only one he wants, nothing else matters.
Chase is sitting on the edge of the bed, staring at me with a blank expression. He pulls me in and runs his tongue over his upper lip. Anticipation flashes in his eyes before he grabs my ass and settles me in his lap. I sweep that dark lock of hair out of his face.
“Wonderful.”
The word sears itself into my heart and soul. The air turns hot. My skin—and the space between my legs—burns.
This fire has never died out, because Chase Baker did something to me nine years ago. The moment we first met, he achieved that my thoughts would revolve around him all day. Those were dark hours—endless dreams that twisted into nightmares, then turned into reality.
I cup his face gently in my palms, then kiss him, sliding my tongue into his mouth—brushing his lightly at first, then deepening the kiss. Our tongues tangle and dance, full of curiosity and hunger.
Chase shoves his pants down. His cock springs free, hard, its hot, bare skin—and the smooth skin of his glans—pressing against the insides of my thighs.
He tucks my hair behind my ear and kisses the sensitive hollow of my neck.
He kneads my breasts softly. My womb clenches and my nipples harden, aching with desire.
“I thought…” My words come out halting, because I’m filled with desire, “…you wanted to get on the road.”
“We’re gonna hit the road,” he whispers against my skin.
His kisses burn into me. “But before we leave, I want you to do it. Voluntarily, without any distractions. Be the one who controls your life, your desires. Set your desires free. Empty your mind and submerge yourself in your feelings, just like you did in the bay. I want to feel you, Grace.”
I shudder softly. Chase slips the thin strap of my dress off my shoulder, then peels it down over my breasts.
His hot breath makes them ache even harder, and I press them into his face, full of yearning.
His lips graze my sensitive skin. I throw my head back and tip my hips up slightly.
I wrap my hand around his cock and guide it to my entrance.
My mind goes completely blank—I’m not thinking about the past or all the horrors I’ve lived through.
I take all the pain, the anger, all the disgusting memories, bottle them up, and throw them away.
I want to feel alive. To enjoy life, to live my desires freely, and bask in the sunlight of this corrupt, sinful love. Bask in the light that pours off him.
I sink down onto him slowly, then rest against his shoulder. His manhood throbs hard, filling me completely. I roll my hips feverishly, chasing pleasure, feeding my body and soul. With him.
“A meadow?” I arch one eyebrow and look at Chase. “Do I want to know what kind of dreams you have besides the dress?”
He flashes me a wide, overwhelming grin that makes my heart race. His gaze drags over me, up and down, and I feel like wounded prey—an animal being hunted by a predator that wants a taste before it sinks its teeth into my throat.
“You said I don’t fit into your dreams because my aura is too dark. But my dreams are dark, and you fit into them perfectly,” he says, stroking my bare arms.
I bite my lip and drop my gaze, then trace a circle in the dirt with the toe of my canvas shoe.
“Will you tell me about them?”
“I’ll show them to you.” He takes my hand.
I let him lead me. Let him introduce me to his immensely dark, sick world.
The silky blades of grass tickle my bare shins.
The meadow is an endless green ocean, alive with a thousand tiny lives—bees buzzing, grasshoppers hopping, butterflies flashing their colors as they flit, spiders spinning webs, quick little lizards darting through it all.
My heart tunes itself to the meadow’s humming pulse—beautiful, peaceful, untouched by civilization.
Wildflowers and the thick scent of summer blend into something singular.
Singular, just like the mind of Chase Baker.
How can something be this appealing and this horrible at the same time?
A swallowtail lifts off in front of me. I stop short—because all I can think about is how I’ll never be able to look at them the way I used to. Now I see these small insects through his eyes.
I look back over my shoulder. Chase is several steps behind me, watching me with narrowed eyes. His fantasy has turned into reality. We’re here in a meadow, butterflies fluttering around me.
No, I won’t dance, but maybe… maybe I can show him the same thing he showed me. I’ll let him into the dark, empty caverns of my mind. He wants to know how I masturbated to his face and body, to the memories of us having sex.
This place inspires me. I’m curious and brave. I leave my lies behind and shout every secret desire of my dirty heart into the world.
I slip out of the dress, and with it I’m shedding all the pretending and lies in this very moment—showing the world the naked truth, in all senses of the word.
I turn to him and slide off my dress. The warm sunlight gently caresses my skin. A sly smile tugs at the corner of my mouth. Chase closes the distance between us in a few long strides.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m living my life,” I whisper against his lips, “and I’m going to show you.”
“Show me what?”
“Every dirty little detail. You wanted to hear all about how I masturbated to our memories… I’ll show you. Then we’re going to make your fantasy real, too.”
“Grace…”
“Hmm?”
“You’re crazy.”
Loud, carefree laughter bubbles up from my chest.
“I didn’t use to be crazy—nor was I an exhibitionist. I was raised conservative, and I meant to keep those values, but you changed me.
If there were a map that showed your life’s journey…
” I inhale sharply, then say it without a shred of shame, “mine would show a road rerouted by the fingerprints of your dirty desires. You changed me, Baker.”
“No,” he replies, his voice cold—hard, unyielding.
“No?” I ask, blinking in surprise.
“It was you who changed me.”
“Don’t blame me for your sins.”
“And you shouldn’t do the same,” he counters, then steps in close, pressing two fingers into me. I nearly collapse. Chase wraps an arm around me and pulls me against his body, moving inside me in a steady rhythm. “This girl has always been with you, but you hid her away.”
Colorful spots dance in front of my eyes.
“I gave her what she’d always wanted. Freedom.”
“You set her free,” I pant, digging my nails into his shoulder. An icy ache spreads through my chest as joy and pleasure are replaced by sadness. My eyes fill with tears, blurring the picturesque landscape.
“I don’t want it,” I moan, my heart and soul trembling. His body goes rigid, and he slips his fingers out.
“Don’t want what?” he asks quietly, almost in a whisper. My heart pounds. My sadness is like a river that’s burst its banks, flooding everything. His eyes trap mine as he searches my soul with curiosity and hope.
“For this to be over. I can’t… I couldn’t go back to that life.
I’d suffocate. I can’t keep living a life where I’m only a shadow of myself.
I want to stay with you because… only this love can ease the pain and grief, can give me back the moments I lost. Only with you can I see the world as something other than the darkest nightmare. ”
“Whatever happens, always remember this week—and these words.”
“Why?” I ask, forcing a smile. “What could happen?”
Instead of answering, Chase hands me the dress, then pulls me into a tight embrace.
We sit in the tall grass and watch the sun sink slowly, taking all my bravery and curiosity with it.
I feel horrible—not only because of my coquettish behavior, but also because I couldn’t fulfill his fantasy.
But Chase knows me. He’s used to the girl who’s happy and generous one moment, then hostile, angry, and disappointed the next.
He’s very good at handling me in these moods—it’s outrageous that he knows what I need so much better than I do.
All it takes is one look into his eyes, and he can reach deep into my heart and soul, then give me what makes me feel better.
Stronger. Being in his arms is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
If there is a heaven and my parents are watching, I hope that one day they’ll forgive me for choosing him.
Chase is a part of me—the worse half. And only he can patch up my torn soul. I’m horrible and selfish—just like him. We can’t let go of the past, can’t let go of each other, or of the feeling that’s bound us together from the very first moment.