Grace
Sometimes something can feel so stupid, but also perfect. That’s how this feels. The stupid part first. My entire family trudged here in a long dummy parade. Now we’re standing out in the snow together and not ringing the doorbell because we aren’t sure if this is even the right house.
“I think it’s this one,” my mom says. She’s standing by the mailbox with my dad, who’s pointing at a house across the street that has so many Christmas lights on it that it looks like it’s on fire.
“Our book club has never actually met here,” she says.
“We usually go to restaurants. It’s a fun little group. ”
The perfect part is less obvious than the stupid part.
But yeah, it’s perfect. There was a time in my life when I’d be standing out here alone, a singular figure as free as the wind up in the trees.
Tonight, though, I come with a group. Ian and Bella, Harry Styles on his leash, a nosy mom, a partially deaf dad, a weirdly large family, and one dead husband.
This is who I am now. This is who we are.
“What should we do?” Ian asks.
“Let’s give it a sec,” I say. “Be patient, buddy.”
“Henry, are you in there?” shouts Bella.
“Or, yeah,” I say, “I guess we could just yell.”
“Henry!” shouts Ian.
“Henry!” I yell.
Bella yells his name again. So do a few of my relatives. Then the door opens, and I hold my breath.
“Whoa,” says Ruth. She’s beside me, shivering in the cold with Nick. “Is that Henry?”
A handsome man steps onto the porch with a baby on his chest.
“No,” I say. “I think that’s his brother.”
“Oh. Drag.”
A woman comes out next and stands beside the guy and the baby. An older man and woman come out after that, smiling. “Hi, Maryellen,” the woman says to my mom.
“Hi, Doris,” my mom says. “Merry Christmas. Your house is lovely.”
“Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too.”
Then, finally, Henry.
“Hi, Henry!” Bella shouts. Ian says hi, too. Harry Styles barks then sticks his head in the snow. I wave, which is embarrassing.
“Hey, guys,” he says.
“Okay,” says Ruth. “I can see it. Yeah, he is cute.”
“You saved our mice, didn’t you, Henry?” Bella asks.
“Oh,” he says. “Yeah. It’s been so cold out. They’re safe, though. Don’t worry.”
Rolling up with a posse may have been perfect, but I’m suddenly shy now because there are so many of us. Ruth gives me a shove. “You gonna go over there, you think, or do you wanna wave at him again?”
Henry walks toward me as I walk toward him, and we meet in his parents’ front yard.
“Hi,” he says.
“Hey,” I say.
He asks if I’m cold. I laugh and tell him that I am. It’s full-on snowing again, like earlier.
There are so many things I want to tell him.
I want to tell him that I’m not happy yet either, but I’m getting there, and that he was right, the fact that I can even imagine happiness again does have something to do with him.
I want to tell him that I’m sorry for biting his head off when he came to my house the other day.
I want to tell him that his hair looks nice with snow in it.
I want to tell him that I hope his invitation to dinner still stands and that he shouldn’t go to L.A.
because we’re here: Bella, Ian, and me, and how are we supposed to see about loving each other if we’re on different sides of the country?
Instead, I say, “We got you a pair of Costco sweatpants for Christmas.”
He laughs and looks at my hands, which, of course, are empty.
“They’re at home,” I say. “I wrapped them and everything. I think you’ll like them.”
“Thanks,” he says. “Is that what you came over here to tell me?”
“No,” I say. “I came over here to kiss you.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. I was just gonna march right up and do it. But then we didn’t know which house was yours. And then I realized that my whole family is here. Your family, too. And…and there’s a baby over there.”
“That’s my niece, Kelsey,” Henry says. “Say hi, Kelsey.”
Henry’s hot brother uses Kelsey’s hand to wave at me.
“So, yeah,” I say. “I was gonna kiss you, but I chickened out, and now I’m afraid the moment’s pa—”
Henry’s hands on my face are warmer than they have any right to be in December, and his lips on mine are even warmer still as I close my eyes.
I should’ve kissed him a month ago by my parents’ firepit before I even knew that I wanted to kiss him.
I should’ve kissed him by our cars when I absolutely knew I wanted to kiss him.
I should’ve kissed him when he asked me out even though I thought I never wanted to see him again.
I’m glad I didn’t, though, because this is better: Henry kissing me in the snow.
“Oh, jeez, Mom,” says Ian.
“Ew,” says Bella.
But then Ruth shouts, “Woohoo!” and now our families are cheering, and Harry Styles is barking because he doesn’t understand why everyone is cheering. My brother-in-law says, “Yo, maybe get a room, you guys.”
When we stop kissing, Henry’s arms move around my waist and we look into each other’s eyes. “It’s almost over, but do you wanna come in and watch Love Actually?” he asks.
“Yeah, okay,” I say. “The end always kinda bugs me, though.”
“What are you talking about? The ending is perfect.”
I roll my eyes. “Henry, the cops would’ve tasered the hell out of that kid running through Heathrow like that. Also, the very end, at the airport? Come on. The prime minister of England doesn’t just fly into a commercial gate and stroll out to baggage claim. That’s ridiculous.”
Henry looks up into the snowstorm and sighs. “Crap. You’re right.”
“Um, can we go inside?” says Bella.
“Yeah,” says Ian. “It’s freezing out here.”
“Of course!” shouts Henry’s mom. “I’m so sorry. I’m terribly rude. Everyone—all of you—inside this instant. You’re all welcome.”
“Oh dammit!” my mom says. “Jack, I should’ve brought those crab cakes.”
Henry takes my hand, and we lag behind, watching our families slowly file into the house. For Harry Styles it’s a dream come true—the chance to finally herd a whole group.
“Why are there so many of them?” Henry asks.
“I don’t know,” I say. “It’s too many, right? I should send half of them back.”
Then, finally, we’re alone.
He takes my other hand, too, and now we’re face-to-face with the snow falling all around us. “Can I kiss you again?” he asks. “That last one wasn’t my best. The crowd kinda got in my head.”
“Okay, yeah.”
And this time it’s even better. I want to keep kissing him and kissing him, but I can’t because everyone we know is inside waiting for us.
“This is gonna be complicated, isn’t it?” I say.
He brushes some snow out of my hair. “Probably,” he says. “But I’m ready.”
“Yeah,” I say. “Me, too.”