Chapter Thirty-Five
Stephen
There were an abundance of green spaces in New York, with plenty near my apartment.
I’d mostly chosen to run around the roads of my neighbourhood, sometimes using City Hall Park or Columbus Park as I gradually built up the map of the area in my head, but on Wednesday morning I met Patrick down at the Battery, on the southernmost tip of Manhattan Island.
He took me on a circuitous route, winding our way along dirt packed paths lined by trees and allotments, to paved areas where there always seemed to be a memorial or a monument to someone.
When he pointed out a couple of the castles, I had to bite my British tongue so I didn’t end up sounding like that Crocodile Dundee movie my mum had loved.
‘I needed this,’ he panted, once we’d made our way through to the adjoining Robert F Wagner Jr Park and were standing facing the wide estuary from the Atlantic, where the water split to the right into the Hudson and to the left into the East River.
Over an expanse of gunmetal water, its surface sparkling like scattered diamonds, an array of islands faced us; Jersey, Governor and Ellis, and Lady Liberty herself.
It hadn’t been a taxing run because Patrick was, by his own admission, only a beginner but exercise hadn’t really been the whole point of arranging this.
‘Between the office and the worry at home,’ he re-settled his baseball cap as he took another deep breath, ‘it’s good to clear my head and it’s easier to force myself out if someone else is waiting on me. ’
‘How is your wife doing?’ I asked, flipping the lid on my water bottle. I might not have been sweating from exertion, but the sun had been up long enough to begin its slow cook of the city.
‘Honestly, Nadia is terrible at resting, especially because she’s worrying about her blood pressure, early labour, pre-eclampsia, breast-feeding two when they arrive, you name it.
Keeping moving keeps her mind off it, but of course, she’s got two babies squashing all her internal organs, so it exhausts her.
When I’m home I’ve got to try to be the calm one, y’know?
Keep her mind off it, and her feet up.’ He shook his head.
‘Women truly have to cope with some crazy shit.’
‘I cannot argue with that.’ I took a couple of mouthfuls of water, still cold because it had been mostly ice when I left my apartment.
All this talk of pregnancy and babies automatically brought Elle to mind. When I’d been holding her niece, Elle’s arm pressed to mine, her eyes soft with love as she looked at the baby.
That must have been why she’d kissed my cheek to say goodnight to me when I saw her home after baby-sitting. All that affection she had for her family spilling over onto me. That sense of comfort from being around them.
She’d fallen asleep in the back of the Uber I’d called when her sister and Quinn had come home, slumping into my shoulder, her arms folded protectively around her big handbag, the notebook she’d been scribbling into tucked safely inside.
Her hair had smelt of sweet smoke and sunshine and it had been a wrench having to nudge her awake and lose the warmth of her pressed up against me.
When I’d directed her up the stairs to her apartment, she’d still been half asleep, and hesitated after unlocking her door before reaching up to give me that kiss on the cheek, which stayed on my skin like a burn long after she’d gone inside.
I’d walked home feeling more restless than made any sense following a platonic kiss.
To be honest, I rarely received physical contact in platonic or even fond ways from women.
When I was seeing someone, it was all foreplay and sex on repeat.
There was no clasping of hands for any reason except a consensual play of restraint.
No falling asleep next to the other one.
I’d always maintained that I dated, even if I didn’t do relationships, but that growing intimacy was a part of dating and I’d been choosing not to partake in that either.
‘I’ve got a friend who was a midwife,’ I found myself saying, ‘and she’s got twins in her family, too.
I could ask her if she’s got some advice, or if you’ve got any particular questions that you’d like some straight answers about?
She’s extremely capable and very pragmatic.
And she’ll be honest — but not brutally honest. Tough love delivered with kindness, I’d call it.
’ I bit the side of my cheek to stop myself from talking.
Patrick quirked his eyebrows but nodded.
‘Thanks, Stephen. I’ll mention it to Nadia and let you know.
She’s got a group of expectant moms she made friends with at the birthing classes and such, and obviously her own doctors, but more information is always good.
’ He smiled and I ignored the dip of disappointment that I’d have no reason to call Elle immediately and have her tear a strip off me because it was so early.
I hadn’t heard from her since the weekend, and part of me knew she had a book to write, and I hoped she’d finally found her groove with it, but the other part of me was wondering if I wouldn’t hear from her until she’d received an answer from her dad about Trevor’s current address.
If I’d been right that she was taking the opportunity to put distance between us.
‘I’m sorry I’ve been so distracted,’ Patrick continued. ‘It’s just…’ he shrugged.
‘Not the priority,’ I finished for him. I understood.
It didn’t make it any easier for me that he was dropping the ball in some areas, like setting up client meetings, which meant I was potentially going to have to do them with Georgina, but this was the situation and he was clearly doing his best given the circumstances.
I’d handle it. ‘Nothing’s more important than your family. ’
‘Damn. Don’t go saying things like that in the office,’ he half-joked. ‘Is it like that in London? You can just freely admit to having a life and commitments outside of work?’
I snorted, because it truly depended on the people you happened to be working with.
Sometimes, they understood you were human beings and not just money-making machines, and sometimes they expected you to eat, sleep and breathe finance.
Either way though, your job better get done properly.
‘Georgina’s not a fan of work-life balance, I take it? ’
‘I swear the moment I mentioned I’d need paternity leave, she mentally dug my career grave and composed me a eulogy.’ He squinted and pinched his t-shirt to lift it away from his chest. ‘How are you getting along with her?’
‘Not as well as I think she’d like,’ I admitted.
I was avoiding her as much as I possibly could.
Every time she cornered me in the office, I could feel dozens of pairs of eyes trained on us, ready to pick up any little detail they could gossip about and it didn’t help that she never failed to take an opportunity to touch me.
‘Yeah. I noticed that. Must be tough to have a powerful, attractive woman pursuing you not so subtly.’ He winked and I gave an exaggerated roll of my eyes. ‘Shall we head back up to the sea glass carousel?’
And just like that Elle and fairgrounds and kisses that I wished I could have done right were back in my head.
‘Sure. Let me just be a tourist a second.’ I pulled my phone out and took a panoramic shot, that I’d send to Nick when I figured out what time-zone he was in.
As I captured the photos, my stomach squeezed at the intrusive thoughts about my father, possibly heading back the way he’d come.
What if after his last break up he’d high-tailed it back across the pond to England? Or somewhere else.
It’s possible, but it’s also possible he’s still in Brooklyn, and we won’t know until Ken’s done his check, a voice in my head that sounded suspiciously like Elle’s pointed out.
‘In all seriousness,’ Patrick said when I put my phone away and we started jogging again, ‘Georgina can be unpredictable. Tread carefully there if you can. You might only be here for a couple months but she can make those weeks hell if she has a mind to.’
Little did Patrick know that Georgina was just one more awkward ingredient thrown in the pressure cooker that was my summer in this city.
Still, I was glad that the long weekend to celebrate Independence Day had gifted me with an extra day out of the office.
I’d worked through most of it, and then on the Saturday — which was actually the Fourth of July — had nothing to do but stay at home, do more work and catch up with everyone back home.
After ringing my nan, I braved calling Nick. I’d been giving him small updates about the search, to reassure him things were in hand, but not getting into in-depth discussions about it, so I arranged to talk to him while we played GTA across the network on our Play Stations.
‘Wow, so this could be it? Will you go straight to see him, or would you like to wait until I’m over, so I can come with you?’ Nick asked.
‘I don’t know,’ I hedged; a flat-out ‘no’ would just open myself up to an argument. ‘I have no idea how long it will take Ken to find an opportunity to do the search. Obviously he has more important things to focus on.’
‘Of course.’
His easy acceptance reassured me somewhat that he hadn’t been thinking of it as an opportunity to do something for Mum, like my conversation with Elle had made me worry.
Nick was trouncing me in the game, constantly blowing my head off the second I’d respawned, but since his job relied on him being able to hit the right buttons at the right time, with superior hand-eye coordination, I had to take it on the chin.
When I caught him off guard, blasting his avatar into a building and crowed in triumph, he groaned.
‘Beth just came in. I was distracted.’
‘Excuses, excuses.’
‘Oh, hang on a second…’ I could hear Beth in the background and Nick answering her, his voice muffled against the mouthpiece. ‘Yeah, sure.’ He came back on the phone. ‘Beth wants to speak to you.’
I paused the game as there was more shuffling around and she came on the phone. ‘Hey, Stephen.’
‘Hey, how are things? I’m three episodes behind on Above Board so if this is about something that has happened, no spoilers!’
‘No, I was just wondering if you’ve been in touch with Elle, recently? She sent me a message last weekend saying she wanted to talk to me, but I haven’t been able to get hold of her since?’
‘I haven’t spoken to her recently but I assumed that was because of her deadline…
’ I chewed my lip, my throat tightening.
That didn’t sound like her. She tended to keep her phone on vibrate but even if she was busy, she always either answered or sent a message to say she’d be in touch soon.
I’d seen her do it often enough when her family were inundating her with messages.
Some people left you on read and that was OK, it was just their style - but it wasn’t Elle’s.
Especially if she was the one that reached out in the first place.
‘Yeah, I know she’s probably just locked in, but it seems weird because the message she sent me sounded so urgent. It’s like her phone is permanently switched off.’
‘It’s going straight to voicemail?’
‘Uh-huh. For a few days now.’
‘D’you want me to go over and check that she’s OK?’ I was already standing up.
‘Oh, would you?’
‘It’s no problem. She doesn’t live far from me.’
‘You’re a star, thank you. And then you get caught up on those episodes because I need to tell you what Beau’s done now.’
‘I’ll message you about both things as soon as I’ve done them,’ I reassured her with a smile, so glad she’d been open to letting me repair the damage I’d done at Christmas. I could definitely have a worse potential sister-in-law.
My mind stalled on the thought. I’d told Elle that Nick was planning on proposing at the barbecue.
Was that what she had wanted to speak to Beth about so urgently?
The last time I’d given her some personal information about Nick, she’d hightailed it straight over to Beth.
That time he’d been glad, this time…he might decide to never confide in me again.
‘Thanks,’ she said again. ‘I’ll pass you back to Nick.’
‘No, that’s OK. I’m sure he’d prefer to spend some time with you now you’re home rather than playing video games with me.’
Clearly able to hear in the background he yelled something about whooping my ass again soon and I laughed as we all said goodbye.
I’d thought I could trust Elle with Nick’s plans, but why?
Of course her loyalty to Beth was going to outweigh any obligation she felt to me.
She probably thought that by telling Beth about Nick’s potential proposal she would scupper any ideas I had about convincing him otherwise.
I’d thought we’d stopped being at war, but maybe she’d just hoodwinked me again?
When I got there I’d have to ask her…or maybe just jump straight to begging her not to tell Beth and ruin Nick’s proposal? Once I knew she wasn’t sick. There had been a stomach bug going around the office.
Damn, I wished I’d given in and messaged her in the week — I could have checked up on her sooner. What if she’d been languishing alone in her apartment all week, so ill she couldn’t even answer her phone? Or what if something had happened to her parents or one of her siblings?
Grabbing my keys, I headed straight out the door.