Graduation No Face (Longwood U)

Chapter 1

CONNER “LANG” LANGLEY

“Conner. Langley.”

I climb the stairs, wondering why there’s always a pause between first and last names when we’re called to the stage to receive our degrees. It was like that in high school, too. As if all the Conners in the room need to be ready in case they’re called on.

We’re standing in alphabetical order. Of course, I’m next. That’s why I’m standing at the bottom of the stairs.

There’s polite applause in the auditorium. Nothing exciting. Nothing noteworthy. I don’t even look out. There might be hundreds of people here, but I’m all alone.

I try not to let my stomach roll at the thought. It’s not a big deal. I don’t want what they’re selling anyway.

My feet are programmed to follow the path of those before me, so I keep my head held high as I make my way toward the empty chair beside Victor Landry, standing in front of his folding chair facing the stage.

The rest of the ceremony goes by in a blur, and before I realize, it’s over and everyone is cheering. Throwing caps. A sea of gowns being swallowed by business-casual suits from the audience. I weave my way through before it closes in completely and head for the doors.

The campus is quiet. It’s a Saturday at the end of the school year. Graduation day. There’s almost no one around. I wouldn’t go so far as to say the place looks abandoned, but the few people meandering about remind me of ghosts. Shadows of a routine that is no more.

I head to the only place I can think to go—DIK.

The fraternity house has been my home for four years.

More than my family writing me off and not coming to my graduation, I’m going to miss this home.

Porn in the basement. A hall lined with phallus worship.

The laughter and friendship. This is family.

The halls are silent as I walk inside. I know that in a few weeks, the underclassmen prospects will be taking rounds to deep clean and report any wear of the house.

That’s what happens over summer break. There’s always a handful of brothers here, too, taking summer classes or otherwise overseeing the underclassmen.

But right now? Nope. Silence.

I make my way up to my bedroom, where my two large suitcases, backpack, and gear bag wait. I have them tucked into a corner so no one sees them as they walk by. My room looks empty. Just like everyone else’s.

With a heavy sigh, I drop onto the bed and stare at the ceiling. The silence is heavy. Absolute. I swear, I can feel the ghosts gathering around my door, peeking in at me, wondering why I’m the only one here. Do they think I’m pathetic?

The sound of car engines carries to me from the window.

Car doors. Laughter. I have half a mind to get up and shut my door so no one walks by and sees me lying on the bed.

Eyes trained on the ceiling, I listen to the noise outside.

Not a party, but certainly a bunch of people. A gathering on the lawn out front.

I’m so focused on the sounds outside that I miss the footsteps down the hall. I might have forced myself to get up and pretend that I’m gathering my shit or something. When I glance at the door, Nolan is there.

“What’re you doing?” Nolan asks.

Nolan is one of the few people I’ve so much as mentioned my home life to. He knows a little. I recall the brief conversation on my way into my first Hush Anonymous hookup a year ago. In a way, he knows far more than anyone else, and still, he knows very little.

“Not a thing,” I tell him. “Just gonna nap before I leave.”

Nolan doesn’t leave. He remains at my door watching me, and I think he sees through what I’m not saying. In my peripheral vision, I see him glance down the hall before stepping into my room and shutting my door.

Great. Time for an awkward conversation.

“They didn’t come,” he says.

There doesn’t need to be any elaboration on that. In those three words, we both know what he’s referring to. I shake my head.

“I didn’t expect them to,” I admit. I hoped their love for their child would override their bullshit beliefs.

That wasn’t the case. “I’ve known since I was nine that I didn’t subscribe to their beliefs.

The very first time I watched the congregation choose hate directed at someone who was born differently or believes differently.

I kept thinking—but that’s not what you’ve been preaching for the past nine years about love and acceptance.

That was the beginning of my eyes being fully opened. ”

Nolan sits on the edge of my bed. “I’m guessing it got worse from there.”

“Yep. I chose hockey, and that’s too wild and dangerous, but they pray for my soul every day and decided that I could be forgiven for this profession as long as I pray vigilantly, give a certain percentage of my earnings to the church, and join the church when I retire.

That’s what it’ll take to assure my soul goes to heaven. ”

“Wow.”

“Needless to say, liking fucking guys hasn’t come up. There’s no coming back from that unless I’m willing to go to therapy and, yeah, fuck that.”

“So… where are you headed?” Nolan asks.

Good question. I don’t mean to answer, but before I can stop myself, he has the truth.

“I wasn’t drafted. I was banking on the NHL.

Then I’d have somewhere to go. I’d have money.

I’d have a damn purpose. My fault. I shouldn’t have convinced myself that hockey was my future and not have a backup plan. ”

“So why didn’t they come today? Why aren’t you going home?”

My stomach turns sour. “My parents want me to join the church. Become a deacon or some shit. The idea of being stuck in that place for my entire life makes me want to burn in hell, so when I refused, they said my choice was to do this, or I no longer had a home to go home to.”

Silence. Awkward. I feel like a fool.

Nolan’s hand grips my arm. “Come home with me.”

I look up at him.

“I have a big family, and they’re filled with love. Fuck your family. Mine’s better.”

I chuckle. “Yeah.”

“Yes.” He gets to his feet and yanks me up.

“You have two choices. You can come downstairs with me willingly, or I’m going to send my dads up.

Plural. I have five. I’ll also send the Whitaker twins up, and I’m sorry, but if you’re willing to make yourself an opponent to Kole, I’ll pray for your soul. ”

Bowing my head, I laugh.

“You have two minutes to decide which option. I have to piss.” He leaves the room, leaving my door ajar.

A peal of laughter drifts up to me from outside, and I wander to the window.

There’s a whole line of cars out front and a large group of people milling about.

I recognize the Whitaker twins. Actually, I recognize Kole.

I swear to hell she has horns from this angle.

It’s just her hair, but still. Little devil. That’s what I see.

There are maybe thirty people out there in a gaggle of smaller groups. Smiles. Laughter. Kids running around.

“So?” Nolan asks as he comes back into the room.

“That’s your family?”

He joins me at the window. “That’s some of it. I could only secure so many tickets to graduation. Only half of them were let in, but the others are here anyway. There are more at home, preparing for a week-long celebration.”

“Celebration?” I glance at him.

Nolan smirks. “I graduated.”

My chest tightens. Not that I’m downplaying that accomplishment, but… wow. Week-long celebration for an undergraduate degree? That’s… wow.

“You coming willingly?”

I nod. “Yeah.” What do I have to lose?

“Good.” He claps my shoulder. “This what you have?”

“Yep, sold the rest. Gave it away. Whatever.”

“Cool. Let’s go.” Nolan grabs one of my suitcases and the backpack. I take the other and my hockey gear.

As we head down the stairs, my heart races. What’s he going to tell everyone? Should we talk about it first? Is he just going to blurt that my parents don’t love me as much as their hate-filled doctrine?

Kole spots us first and skips her way over. “Lang,” she greets and grabs my gear bag. “Where we headed?”

“Tavis’ truck still has room, I think,” Nolan says.

Kole stares at me for a minute before nodding.

Kylen is there a minute later, grabbing the suitcase from Nolan without comment.

Coach Tavis follows when he realizes the twins are heading for the truck.

He takes the remaining suitcase, leaving just my backpack on Nolan’s back and the hockey stick in my hand. Kole comes back for them.

Nolan grabs my wrist and brings me along. We stop in front of a group of older men, one holding a small child, and two others who I’m guessing might be siblings. Silence settles when they see me. It’s a good thing I’m used to people staring.

“This is Papa Zvi, Daddy Wren, Princess Daddy V, Daddy Luca, and Papa Orson. My sisters, Coraline and Jasmine. The baby Daddy Wren is holding is little queen Tizzy, Coraline’s first baby. This is Conner. I’ve adopted him as my new brother,” Nolan says.

“Only,” Coraline corrects. “Only baby. I’m not doing that again.”

I’m surprised when the one I think might be Papa Orson steps through the group and wraps me in his arms. “Welcome to the family, hun,” he says and kisses my cheek.

Not going to lie. I’m almost brought to tears with that simple hug. It’s been a while since I’ve been hugged. Especially by one of my parents.

Nolan’s two sisters hug me, too. And then the giant of a man, whom Nolan called Princess Daddy V, is standing in front of me.

His hair is long, graying, tied back like he’s a damn Viking.

But that’s where the similarities stop. He’s wearing a pink sundress and is covered in pretty pastel tattoos. He’s… beautiful.

“We’re happy to have you,” Princess Daddy V says in a deliciously deep voice. He rests his hand on my shoulder and, not gonna lie, I totally want to be hugged by a big man like that.

Maybe Nolan understands because he gently pushes me forward, and his father wraps me in a hug.

My heart stutters, and I have to catch my breath.

I think I hug him a little tighter than necessary and probably long enough that it’s awkward.

But Princess Daddy V doesn’t let me go until I take a step back.

“Thanks,” I say and try to cover the teary sounds in my voice with a little laughter.

“I’m bringing him home,” Nolan says and grabs my wrist. “Meet you there.”

His fathers and sisters watch me as we head for Coach Tavis. “Thank you,” I murmur.

Nolan looks at me with a smile. “I told you. Unconditional, endless parental love. It’s yours now.”

I almost forgot that he’s dating my hockey coach, so when we stop in front of Coach Tavis, I’m confused for a split second. “I’ve adopted a new brother. He’s coming home with us,” Nolan repeats.

Coach nods, giving me a smile.

“You know Coach. These are his sons, Orion and Skye,” Nolan introduces. “This is Conner Langley. He’s been playing for Tavis for four years.”

“I’ve seen you on the ice,” Orion says. “You’re really good.”

Not good enough, but yeah. “Thanks.”

“Ry, take the front?” Nolan says.

Orion flashes me another smile and turns for the truck. Nolan kisses Tavis before opening the back door and winking at Skye as he pushes Skye toward the door. Then he drags me around to the other side and climbs in, sliding into the middle.

I hesitate. Nolan pokes his head out again. “What?” he asks.

“Are you sure?”

He slides back out and wraps his arms around me. “First thing you should know, my family is big huggers, so get used to telling people to back off if you’re not. Second, I’m sure, Lang. I can’t actually erase the bullshit you’ve grown up with, but I can sure as fuck try.”

“Thanks, Nolan.”

He grins and climbs back in. This time, I follow.