Chapter 3
THREE
Nina
Isit in the back of the taxi with my legs pulled up under me, my head lolling to the side as it thuds against the window in regret. I’ve never felt so dirty—the need to scrub at every inch of my body is overwhelming.
Is this how she felt?
My eyes grow heavy, and I blink them closed before they can fill with tears. I refuse to feel sorry for my mother. It’s the last thing she deserves.
Rain falls fiercely on the windshield, the pelting so savage and unrelenting it demands my focus, but does nothing to deter my thoughts from the internal storm that’s raging inside me. I stare straight ahead, feeling completely lost.
I’m not angry at Mason (lie). I’m angry at myself. Mad that I put myself in such a degrading situation. I’ve had one-night stands before, most of them while at university, but I have never been left feeling so cheap in my life. Puffing out a breath, I pull out my phone and call Lucy.
“Nina, where the hell are you? You’re missing pancakes,” she whines.
“Luce, I—” My voice cracks and I try to swallow the lump that’s lodged in my throat.
“Where are you? Are you okay?” she asks, her words laced with concern.
A tear rolls down my cheek and I swipe it away quickly, hoping the driver doesn’t notice. “I’m in a taxi on my way home.”
“I’m on my way babe. I will get Dad to drop me home. Give me half an hour, okay?”
The line goes dead, leaving me alone with my thoughts again and shame gutting me from the inside out.
I notice I have two missed calls and a new voicemail from my mum. How ironic. I hit play, my scalp prickling as her voice drifts into my ears.
“Nina! For goodness sake, call me back. I am your mother! You should show me more respect. You move to the big city, get your fancy studio and think you can snub me. Never forget where you came from, little girl.”
Any other day I would fight her words. It’s what she wants. If we had a functional mother-daughter relationship, she’d be forced to acknowledge the guilt that I pray festers inside of her. And she is guilty. Guilty of destroying my childhood.
The taxi rolls to a stop outside my building, and I lean in to pay the driver. I catch my reflection in the mirror, instantly cringing. Dark circles surround my eyes from last night’s makeup. I look pale, like I’ve not had enough sleep, and my hair is a matted mess.
I walk up the stairs of my building unhurried, glad to be home and away from the outside world.
My tiny apartment sits on the fourth floor, and its open-plan living makes it seem bigger than it actually is.
I have a small U-shaped kitchen along the far wall with a wraparound island.
My little kidney-shaped sofa sits against it.
The coffee table is currently littered with paperwork, and yesterday’s coffee—only half finished—sits cold beside it.
My gaze scans the corner to my left. Where most would have a place to dine, I have a place to dance.
A huge free-standing mirror decorates the back wall, with cushioned mats lining the floor beneath it.
Fairy lights drape from the ceiling above, illuminating the small nook.
It’s where I find myself when the world demands more than I’m willing to give.
I throw my bag down on the sofa on the way to my room, digging out a pair of pyjamas from my chest of drawers before heading for the shower.
I stand under the spray for what feels like forever, washing my body repeatedly until I start to feel more like myself again. The devastation I felt only hours ago washed down the drain along with all thoughts of Mason Lowell.
Lucy is lying on my bed by the time I finish showering. She pulls back the duvet for me to slide in, spooning me from behind as she throws an arm around my waist. “We dropped Megan at The Elm. She’s getting you breakfast,” she tells me.
We lie in silence for a while until Megan arrives fifteen minutes later. She drops down onto the bed, lying sprawled out at our feet.
“Fucking hell, girls, I’m never drinking again,” she groans.
I smile into my fist. I can always rely on my girls to be here when I need them, even hungover to shit they show up.
“Nina took me home to my parents. I was sick until four a.m.,” Lucy whines at the back of my head.
“Exactly why I took you to your parents, stupid.” I hesitate before adding, “I got a lift home with Elliot and Charlie’s friend, Mason. I ended up going back to his place.”
Megan sits up in a rush, instantly turning pale from the movement. “You did what?”
“I didn’t sleep with him. He told me he wouldn’t touch me because I’d been drinking.” Megan’s features relax a little. “But we kissed. A lot.” Lucy giggles at my back. “And then this morning, I woke up in his bed, and he was lying there looking all incredible and hot and I… I started to touch him.”
I think I’ve rendered them speechless, neither of them uttering a word.
“He woke up, so I kept going. I ended up giving him head.”
“Nina!” Lucy proclaims, clearly not expecting it.
“That’s not the worst of it.” I close my eyes, memories of the look on his face too much to bear as it plays out in my mind.
“Oh god, you weren’t sick, were you? I’ve totally choked on dick before.”
Both me and Lucy lift our heads, grim expressions on both our faces. “What the fuck, Megs?!” I ask as we all fall into silent chuckles.
My face grows solemn as I admit, “He thought Elliot paid me to take him home.” I pause. “He thought I was a prostitute.”
“Oh, Nina, what an ass!” Lucy croons, pulling me tighter to her.
“Oh, as if! He actually thinks he could afford you!” Megan snaps.
“Megan!” Lucy scolds.
“Shit, sorry, Nina. I didn’t think,” she says apologetically.
I give her a small smile, letting her know it’s okay. “I’ve never felt more like my mother in my life,” I mutter.
Lucy sits up, looking down at me as she rests on her arm. “Well, we all know that’s a load of rubbish. You couldn’t be any more the opposite of that woman. Come on, dry your hair. We are going out.”
“Out? Where?” I protest.
“Shopping. And the salon.” She smiles.
“Can you drop me home on the way?” Megan asks, looking moments away from sleep.
Lucy gets up, pulling the towel off my body and whipping Megan with it as she heads in the direction of the kitchen. “Nope! Get up. Both of you! It’s girls’ day.”
“Yay, girls’ day.” Megan quips, lifting her head and observing my state of nakedness, then flopping back to the bed.
It’s gone four when we arrive back at my apartment, our arms full of shopping. We laugh our way up the stairs until we reach my door.
Lucy bends, picking something up from the floor, then spins around, her lips rolling and her eyes popping wide as she stands with a massive bouquet of flowers grasped in her already overfilled hands.
I roll my eyes as I unlock my door, yearning to lean in and smell them.
Inside I stare down at my nails, now a beautiful pale pink—my toes matching. I can tell Lucy is waiting for me to turn around, so I go to the kitchen and flick on the kettle.
“You can chuck those in the bin.” I wave the teaspoon at the flowers.
She dips her head to her shoulder, looking all cute as she holds up the arrangement. “Come on, Nina. Maybe you should see what he has to say.” She waves an envelope at me. “There’s a note.”
“I’m going to put all this shopping away, and when I come back, I want them gone. Keep them for yourself for all I care. I want nothing to do with the man or the way he makes me feel.” I stomp off to my room, slamming the door like a brat as I go.
I lie on my bed, feeling stupid. I shouldn’t be feeling like this over a man I have only known for only a matter of hours. Seeing the flowers only makes me feel weak, and I don’t want to know that he’s sorry.
I don’t want to have to explain myself to him.
A few minutes later, there’s a knock at the door, and Megan’s head pops around the threshold. “Come on, drama queen, Luce is ordering in Chinese.” She winks at me, then disappears again.
We lounge on my sofa, eating takeout from the containers. Grey’s Anatomy reruns playing on the television, reminding me of our uni days.
“I need a McDreamy,” Lucy sighs as she stares longingly at the TV.
“You don’t go from Hugh straight to a McDreamy, Luce.” I shake my head at her, chuckling under my breath.
“I’ll just take a night with McSteamy,” Megan says, making us all laugh out loud.
I look to Megan, wondering what she would share if I asked. “Megs, how was Sam last night?” I pop my brow at her.
“Fine. We went back to his.” She shrugs her shoulders. “Messed around.”
This is all we ever get from her. She doesn’t share the dirty escapades of her sex life with us. Sometimes we may get snippets, but rarely any details. We don’t care, but it’s odd. She’s one of the most open people we know—especially with us. Nothing comes out filtered. It’s why we love her.
I drop it, not wanting to make her uncomfortable.
“So… I ran into Joey again last night,” I say into my food container.
“When?” Lucy looks confused as if trying to work it out.
“When Mason dropped me home—or tried to. I didn’t get out of the car right away, and Joey was waiting for me outside.”
“Fucking creeper,” Megan states.
“He hit Mason, but then Mason pinned him to the car and made him apologise for almost hitting me.”
The girls’ mouths drop open.
“No flipping way,” Lucy says, astonished, a slight smile pulling at the corner of her lip.
“I think he broke his nose.” I wince, remembering the awful sound.
“Who, Mason’s?” Megan asks.
“No, Joey’s. Mason punched him back.” The girls look at one another, smirking in unison. “I need to check that Joey is okay on Monday. It was bad, girls.”
“Nina, screw him! Go check on Mason!” Lucy gets up on her knees excitedly and I frown.
“What? No! Did you forget about the part when he called me a prostitute?” I retort.
“Well, did he actually use the word prostitute?” she argues back.
I glower at her as she checks her phone that’s just pinged with a text.