Chapter 9
NINE
Nina
When I was a child, I told myself that letting people in was dangerous. Trying to protect the people around you is dangerous. Because they will hurt you. They find the things that will hit the hardest and use them to cause you pain.
It’s why I don’t let people in easily.
“If you came here to hurt me, then mission accomplished.” I clench my jaw, hating how my voice cracks.
Anger is etched into every plane of his face, his body vibrating with the same fury. My eyes don’t leave him as he turns and leaves the apartment.
The second the door slams shut, the tears come, and I let them. This has been brewing between us all week and it had to happen. I always knew it wouldn’t be pretty, but I never expected it to end uglier than it already was.
I hoped we could find some closure.
Deep down inside, I know Mason isn’t a bad person, and he wouldn’t have meant the words he just threw at me. But he intended to hurt me. A quick hit to make himself feel better.
I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to the way his words can cut me so easily.
“Nina,” his voice startles me.
I spin, rolling my lips as my throat burns. I try to contain the sob that breaks through but it’s impossible. My knees buckle as I cover my face.
“I’m sorry.” He closes the distance between us, pulling me into his chest.
I fall against him, giving in to the resistance and allowing him to heal the parts of me that only being in his arms can fix. My body shakes as I let it leave me, freeing myself of the emotions I’ve kept bottled up since the night I left.
His lips find my hair and I feel him inhale. I close my eyes and take my own deep breath, trying to commit this moment to memory. Because the moment he lets me go, I know I won’t be pulled back in again.
“We need to find a way to make this work.” My heart thuds hard against his chest, a warmth soaring through me. “Ellis deserves better than this.”
Ellis. Of course he’s talking about Ellis.
“If we can’t be civil for his sake” —he leans back, looking down at me— “then maybe it would be better to go back to the old setup, just for a while.”
He doesn’t want to see me. “Is that what you want?”
He watches me intently, as if I’m a mystery he can’t figure out. “It doesn’t matter what I want.”
It’s too much. He’s too much. Pulling back, I wipe my face then wrap my arms around myself.
“I didn’t mean what I said, Nina, I’m sorry. I know how much it hurts you and I won’t do it again. I mean that.”
I nod my head, wiping my face. “We both said some shitty things,” I whisper, sounding dejected, and nothing like the woman that once promised to never take the type of shit he threw at me moments ago. Lucy is right, I need to find that girl again.
Cut out the waterworks, Nina.
“You think we can try this again? Start over,” he asks.
“I can’t have her around my son, Mason.” My voice wobbles and I turn my head off to the side, angry at myself for having zero control over my emotions.
His hand smooths over my cheek, tilting my head back to him. “I never touched her. I swear to you. There are things I want to tell you but it’s not the right time. Know that when it is, I will tell you.” His eyes hold so much conviction, I can’t help but think he’s telling the truth.
“What does that even mean, Mase?”
“You have to trust me.” His thumb skims across the underside of my lip and I pull away.
“That has to stop! You can’t touch me.”
He pockets his hands, running his tongue along the front of his teeth in annoyance. “Fine.”
“And, no turning up here early. We have the days and times planned out. We need to stick to that.”
He nods his head then stares at me, his brows pulled low and his set face hard and brooding. Goose bumps pebble along my arms and I shake my head. “Don’t look at me like—”
Ellis cries, cutting me off. “Well done. You woke the baby,” I accuse.
“Me?!” Mason blanches, his lip tipping up on one side.
I hurry down the corridor, briefly closing my eyes, as a soft smile pulls at my own lips. This could work. If I know that woman isn’t anywhere near my son, I could deal with this setup. I could see Mason and not want to punch him in the face or jump his bones, right? Switch off my emotions.
I scoop Ellis up into my arms, then grab his overnight bag, walking back out and into the living room.
“That wasn’t a nap.” Mason takes him from my arms and lifts him into the air, rubbing his head on his belly and making him laugh. His hair ends up an unruly mess with strands standing on end.
I watch them, my stomach flipping as I wonder about all the moments we’ve missed over the last eight months. “You can take him early if you want.”
“Is Mummy trying to get rid of us?” he asks Ellis in a weird dad voice that shouldn’t make him hotter but does.
“No, I just—”
“I know.” He smiles over at me. “We’ll get going. You okay?”
His brows dip low as I nod my head, my eyes welling up. “Yeah, I think I needed to let it all out. I’m sorry I’m such a mess.”
“I didn’t mean what I said,” he reiterates.
“I know.”
“You’ll be okay here? I know you hate it and…”
I wait for him to finish but he doesn’t, awkwardly scratching at his neck with his free hand. “You go, I’ll be fine.” I don’t tell him I planned to meet Joey tonight. Maybe we will both have to keep that part of our lives separate from each other.
“See you tomorrow, Mummy.”
“Bye.” I lean in and kiss Ellis, then stand at the door watching as they leave.
L&M fitness suite is nothing like what I imagined it to be.
Logan is… well, a bit of a meathead. He lives to lift weights and drink his protein shakes.
So when he told me he had a new gym, I thought he meant something inconspicuous on a side street.
Not a multi-levelled, glass-fronted building in the centre of London’s financial district.
I stand on the opposite side of the street and check the address one more time, just to be sure.
“Wowzers!” With a renewed spring in my step, I take off across the road and push into the building, my eyes greedily eating up every inch of the sprawling reception area. It could be a hotel. It’s not like anything I’ve ever seen before.
“Hi, can I help?”
I recognise the voice immediately, spinning around, I smile wide at Gemma just as realisation hits her. “Nina!” She stands, moving around the desk to pull me into a hug. “You’re a sight for sore eyes.”
“So are you, it’s been so long.” Gemma was always a regular at the gym—mostly because Henry wouldn’t allow her to work out anywhere else. He liked to keep her close.
“Are you joining? I’m sure Logan would cut you a deal.” She gives me a wink as she squeezes my hand in hers.
“Logan really owns this place? Logan Morgan, the one I used to employ?”
“Boy did good, huh!”
“Damn right he did.” I look around in awe, wondering how it’s possible. “How’s Henry?” I ask absentmindedly.
“Good, he works here too.”
“He does?” I snap my attention back to Gemma.
“Yep! It’s more like a family around here.”
“Anderson!” Logan calls, appearing from the stairs that wrap around the back wall. “Ready to meet your boss?”
“What is this place!” I smile as he steps up to me and throws his arm over my shoulder.
“You like it?”
“Logan, it’s incredible, truly. You’re doing well?”
“Business is booming.”
I shake my head, hardly believing it. I should’ve reached out sooner. I always loved working with the boys. Men naturally come with less drama—most of the time.
“Want a tour?” he asks me, clearly buzzing and proud.
“Yes! Show me.”
We take the stairs to the first floor, which is a colossal open space.
It has everything from weight training equipment and a rig, to all the cardio equipment you can think of.
I’m blown away that he could have accomplished so much in a year.
Everything is top of the line and organised in a neat layout.
“It’s so busy!” I check my watch and notice it’s ten-thirty. “Where were all these people when we had the studio?”
Logan chuckles and takes off towards the office at the back of the gym. I follow him inside and sit down on one of the sofas. He takes a seat at the desk, watching me.
“How?”
He smiles as if he knew that question was coming. “I saw a gap in the market, had some help from Mum and Dad, got a business loan and made it happen.”
“I’m a little jealous, Logan. This place is… it’s incredible.”
“Thank you.” He nods his head once in agreement. “You wanna come help me run it?”
I laugh, tucking my legs up under myself on the chair. “You saw how terrible I was at running the studio, you seem to have things figured out here.”
He shrugs, resting his elbows on his knees. “I’m serious, Anderson. One of my PT’s just quit on me and he was my go-to guy after Henry. There aren’t many people I trust to leave in charge here.”
“You want me to personal train?”
“It’s what I need right now. It will be just like old times.” He grins.
“I can’t PT!”
“Of course, you can! You used to.”
“No, I didn’t! I stood and read out the fitness plans you’d printed out for me.”
“Then we will do that,” he pops back at me. He’s really hell-bent on this.
“Is that the only job you have for me?” I cringe, feeling ungrateful.
He hesitates, then rubs his hands together. “For right now, but we can make anything work. Gemma could probably use some help downstairs on recep—”
“No!” I snap, sitting up a little straighter. “No, thank you, I’ll take the gym job.”
“Yeah?” He smiles.
“If you’ll have me.” I cringe, hunching my shoulders.
“Of course! You’ll love it here.”
“I hope so.”
I leave Logan’s office with a spring in my step, feeling like I might’ve just found something that will bring me that little bit closer to me again. I’ve missed the buzz that comes from being in this environment.
Logan told me to stick around and to get familiar with the place, which I’ve happily obliged. I go to the changing rooms and internally scream at the over-the-top décor.
It’s more of a boutique hotel than a gym.