Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
Nina
The next morning I wake early like I always do on the days I don’t have Ellis.
I don’t know if Joey is going to be home this morning, but I call and text him before I leave my apartment to let him know I’m on my way over.
He doesn’t answer or reply, and I get to his apartment and find it empty.
For an hour I linger around his flat, clearing the draining board and setting the living area straight.
When seven thirty rolls around and I haven’t heard back from him, I decide to go home. Just as I pull open his front door to leave, my phone rings, Joey’s name lighting up my screen, and I walk back into the apartment and quickly answer the phone.
“Joey! Where are you?”
He doesn’t say a word.
Silence.
I swallow the lump in my throat. “Joe?”
“Yeah, I’m here. I’m in New York.” His voice is cold and detached.
“New York?” I check the time on my phone. “To see Jasper?”
“Yeah… he… he died.”
It feels like someone has poured ice through my veins, my body running cold. “W-what?” I utter.
“He’s dead.”
“Joey, I’m… I’m so sorry.” What do I say? What do I do? “I missed your calls last night. God, Joe. I’m so, so, sorry!”
“It doesn’t matter now,” he says, lacking all emotion in his voice.
He sounds lost.
“Are you coming home again?” I ask.
“I’ll be back in a couple days. It’s early, you go, Nina.”
“No, it’s okay I can—”
The line goes dead and I start to shake. He has no one else. It’s just him now.
Nina
What can I do?
Please reply! Please reply!
Joey
I need a couple days
I blow out a breath, understanding he needs space but needing to see him, hug him and know that he’s going to be okay.
Call me! Whenever you need me.
My hands run through my hair as I fall back on his sofa, my heart breaking for him. He has lost his brother. All his living relatives are gone. How does anyone deal with that?
Sometimes I wonder if life would be easier if we didn’t allow people into our hearts. It would keep it safe from the heartbreak that quakes us when they eventually leave, because they do. One way or another, they always leave.
The truth is, we only hurt when we truly care about something. It’s a bittersweet thing. It’s brave. Loving something so much you let it consume you, knowing one day it might break you, leaving you a little less whole, but full of memories that will last a lifetime.
God, I hope he’s okay.
Lowerwick Estate on any day is the vision of breathtaking tranquillity. But today as I look out over the grounds from my spot on the bedroom balcony, I wonder to myself if I have ever seen such beauty.
“Scar, you really outdid yourself. It’s perfect,” I tell her, smoothing my hand over the railing before sipping my champagne.
Scarlet slips up next to me, grinning wide as she looks over the grounds which are lit up with the lanterns and candles. “You really think so?”
I dip my head, smiling at her.
“I did good, didn’t I,” she confirms.
The sun decided to shine down on the estate for the entirety of the day, the marquee was able to dry out along with the grass, and with the team that Scarlet hired to set everything up, we were done just before two o’clock.
Ellis should be arriving with Maggie and John any time now.
They offered to have him so Mason could get himself ready and over to the Montgomery’s with the rest of the boys.
I haven’t seen Mason since Wednesday. Elliot dropped Ellis home on Thursday, because Mason had to go into the office, and when he didn’t call or text, I took it that he needed the space.
Having not heard from him means I have no idea how he’s feeling, or if he’s even going to show up. I contemplated texting him earlier, but am I really the one he would want to hear from when he is probably already in his own head about coming out here?
“Have you heard from Mason?” I ask Scarlet, hoping she can shed some light on the situation.
“No.” She purses her lips, grasping the railing and letting her perfectly curled lavender hair flow down her back. She tips her head to the sky. “Not even a text.”
Scarlet has worked tirelessly on this night, but I know despite her tone, that she holds a level of understanding for her brother. Scarlet is forgiving. I don’t know if that’s a good thing, but I know it makes her the person she is, and she is the best kind to have in your life.
“There’s Mummy!” Lucy sings, carrying Ellis out onto the balcony. “And Auntie Scar.” She passes off Ellis to me and I place him on my hip. “There’s a guy downstairs, says he has a fifty-kilo block of cheese?”
Scarlet’s face instantly drops.
“What?” I laugh. “Why so much? The pantry is full of everything we need.”
“Oh my god,” Scarlet deadpans, scurrying out of the room and leaving us none the wiser on the balcony.
“You need to get changed,” Lucy tells me, standing in her robe just like me.
“We have time. Tell me about Miller. What happened?”
Her frown is defensive, and I’m not certain I’m going to get the truth. “What do you mean, what happened?”
“Luce, you said you were done.”
“I know.” She palms her forehead but pulls her hand away when she remembers her makeup. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, Nina.”
When she doesn’t elaborate, I say, “It’s not about what you’re supposed to do, Luce, you do what you want, what feels right.”
“Nothing feels right. Nothing! Not my job, not my relationship.” She throws her hands out to her sides at a loss. “I was always the one with a plan. I wanted kids young.” She picks up Ellis’s hand. “And that’s not going to happen now. What if I don’t meet someone before I’m thirty?”
“So, your plan is to what… force a relationship with someone you don’t love?”
“I don’t love Miller,” she says in agreement. She lifts her eyes to mine and shrugs. “But I could.”
“You aren’t ready to make the decisions you’re making right now, Luce. Trust that when the time comes you will.”
“It’s just hard. Seeing you with your shit so together.” She smiles at me, her eyes glassy. “I’m proud of you—don’t think I’m not, but I feel a million miles away from your level of contentment right now.”
“What? Luce, you have no idea, or you do, and you refuse to see it. I haven’t danced in over a year. I have a son with a man I can’t go five minutes without arguing with. My shit is well and truly not together.”
“I’d still love to have half the life you do. Your independence and confidence to be alone is inspiring.”
“We’re all made differently, Luce, I don’t like being alone.” I run my lips along Ellis’s head. “It’s what you get used to.” I shrug.
She nods. “Sorry for the rant.”
“I’ve been the most dramatic best friend in history this past year!” We both laugh and I take her hand. “Promise me you won’t settle. You deserve more, so much more, Luce.”
“I promise.” Her face lights up, that angelic, alluring smile that she wears so well taking over her face. “I need to get Ellis to Vinny, then we need to get dressed and you still need your hair doing!” she tells me.
“I will go find Vinny. You take a minute,” I tell her, leaving her on the balcony and wandering down to the kitchen where I find Vinny, and Scarlet stood around the biggest block of cheese I’ve ever seen.
Mase
Every summer from the time my mother became sick to the day I left Lowerwick for college, was spent on the Montgomery’s estate. It wasn’t something that was discussed; it was just the place we went when our fathers had to work.
It took years of my own ignorance, or maybe my immaturity, before I realised that my father wasn’t the man he once was. He was an alcoholic, one who managed to hide it from everyone he loved—until he didn’t.
The Montgomery Estate holds better, maybe even longer-lasting memories than Lowerwick ever will. It’s a home, with love and laughter and life.
Lowerwick Estate is nothing more than bricks and mortar, filled with half arse promises that were made by two people who lie six feet beneath it. Lifting the glass of amber liquid to my lips I empty the tumbler in one mouthful, welcoming the burn as it runs down my throat.
Elliot watches me over the brim of his glass, giving me a nod before lowering his eyes to check his cards.
We are lounging around a table in one of the many sitting rooms. Lance, Charlie, Elliot and George—because apparently George gets invited to family parties now too.
I give Elliot a nod, tossing an ace down.
“I’m out,” Lance huffs, throwing down his cards.
“Me too.”
“George, you were out three hands ago. You don’t have to call it every round,” Lance tells him.
“This is taking forever. What time is the ball? Those girls will have you strung up if you’re late, you know. That lilac haired woman who was here earlier, she told me to make sure we were on time. I don’t want to be the one she comes for.”
“You won’t be.” Lance rolls his eyes. “Charlie, call it.”
Charlie is just as quiet as me this evening and I know he’s stuck in his own head. I just don’t know why. Reaching forward, he slides in three-quarters of his chips—around twenty grand—into the middle of the table.
Elliot matches him, and I follow.
Elliot sits forward, rubbing his hands together. “I’m feeling lucky tonight, assholes!”
“That’s what I said,” George remarks, shaking his head at me with a smile that I don’t return. “Is everything okay, Mason?” he calls me out.
The boys all look at me, none of them having bothered to ask the question. They know better than to ask.
Was everything okay? No. No, it fucking wasn’t.
“Everything is dandy, George.” I pat him on the shoulder, knowing he only cares. “All in.” I push my chips into the middle of the table, not looking at anyone else.
“Shut up you, dick. You haven’t even looked at your cards.” Elliot finishes dealing then grins as he checks his. “You know what, all fucking in.”
“Fuck’s sake,” Charlie mutters, throwing down his cards.
Elliot looks like the cat that got the cream while Charlie glares at me.
I couldn’t give a shit.
I can’t focus on a fucking game right now.