Epilogue
COLLINS - BACK TO THE BEGINNING.
Rest In Peace.
I feel a large sense of nothingness as I sit and stare at the words engraved into the headstone in front of me. The sun shines down, warming my skin, but I feel none of its heat.
“You left me when I needed you most.” I mouth the words, more to myself than anything else because I know my thoughts will not be reciprocated.
I thought I would feel something by coming here, but I was wrong. I feel nothing. Actually, that’s a lie. I feel stupid. Visiting graves are for those who wish to pay their respects, to sit for a while in hopes of feeling closer to whoever is buried six feet under.
I don’t want to do or feel either of those things.
I thought coming here would bring me some closure, but all I’m able to feel is anger and resentment. The emotions begin to boil and fester beneath the surface as I sit and glare at the polished piece of granite that’s etched with the name of the person that was supposed to love me forever.
“I hate you.”
I know, but I’ll love you enough for the both of us.
Riley’s words echo through my mind at the same time a whisper of a touch caresses my back.
I bow my head and pick at the grass beneath my folded legs just as a second set settles on either side of me, followed by the warmth of a body pressed against my back.
His clean scent washes over me, and some of that anger dissipates.
Beautiful, scarred, freckled hands snake around me, hugging my body tighter. A single tear escapes as I cover his hands with my own, reveling in his soft, warm skin.
Before I can even form a thought, a third set of legs appear around us, accompanied by two more hands wedging between me and my big spoon, followed by a long, drawn out, contented yet overexaggerated sigh.
I cast my face to the sky with my eyes closed and just soak up their affections. I allow my head to rest on his shoulder, my body feeding off of the strength he offers with his hold.
My sweet Riley Benjamin.
He runs his nose up the column of my neck before placing a soft, delicate kiss to the skin just beneath my ear, and my body breaks out in goosebumps.
We all sit in silence as they wait patiently for me, but I’ve had enough of sitting here. I push to stand, turning away from the headstone, coming to an abrupt halt when I see that Riley is gone.
Creed stands alone behind me, his back turned to a large concrete angel statue that looks over the cemetery.
My brows furrow as I look at Creed, mouthing, where’s Riley?
His features bunch in confusion. “What do you mean, Stardust?” he asks, taking a step toward me and pulling my body flush with his.
“He was just here.” Uncertainty laces my barely whispered words as I look around, frantically searching for the man I know was just here next to me.
Creed slowly shakes his head and it has me utterly confused. My brows knit together as a sense of dread blankets my body. I feel as if I’m not in control of myself, like I’m about to start spiraling.
I spin out of Creed’s hold but he takes my hand instead as I desperately seek out my Riley.
Where is he?
I try to call his name, but all that comes out is an inaudible huffing sound. My free hand flies to my hair, my fist tangling in the roots, and I pull hard, yanking Creed around by his grip on my other hand while I look for Riley.
He was just here…wasn’t he?
“Stardust,” Creed says, but his words sound like they’re underwater. He jerks me hard, and I stumble back into his chest, my eyes now welling with unshed tears. My back is sealed to Creed’s front as he envelopes me in a vise-like hug.
His citrus scent invades my senses, but Riley’s clean scent is there, too.
Creed doesn’t let me go despite my struggles. Instead, he just holds me tighter. “Baby, please.” His voice is strained, choking off at the plea that falls from his lips.
I blink away the tears as something catches my eye that has my whole body locking up. The blood drains from my face as the words beneath the angel come into clarity:
In loving memory, always our angel
Riley Benjamin Graves
September 7, 1999 - June 20, 2024
No.
No.
No, no, no, no.
My knees give out, and I collapse. Creed follows my descent, keeping me from hitting the ground.
Part of me is angry that he protected me because I’d welcome the physical hurt over the eternal pain ripping through my heart.
The agonizing cry that claws its way from my throat sounds like a sob derived from all-encompassing grief and despair.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head. I’m in full denial of what I’m seeing. “He’s not gone. He’s not gone. He—“
My words are nonexistent as my voice fails me time and time again, calling out for Riley as I clutch my stomach, my body doubling over in indescribable pain at the loss of half of my soul.
He’s gone. He can’t be gone.
I hear a voice trying to get my attention, but my world is slowly fading in and out of reality. I can’t tell where the voice is coming from as my universe spins out of control.
The loss of Riley is too much to bear; I refuse to accept a world where he doesn’t exist in it.
Creed’s hands are in my hair, his forehead presses against mine as he tries to calm me, but his words are inaudible to me.
I can’t hear a thing through the ringing in my ears.
A dizzying sensation rushes through me, and I realize that I’m now on my back.
I can’t see anything around me as darkness pulses in my vision.
I barely comprehend that Creed is hovering over me, his icy blue eyes trying to pierce through me, but I feel as if I’m losing the battle of consciousness. The sky behind him begins to shift and change, the sun disappearing and darkening the world around us.
“Focus on me, baby, come on,” he urges, but I can’t. I can’t when it looks like his head is splitting into two, another face starting to take shape next to his.
I’m sobbing uncontrollably as tears run in a steady stream down my face, saturating the hair at my temples.
Nothing is right in this world if he’s not a part of it.
“Riley.” His name comes out as a sob, and I swear, I can feel that second set of hands wiping my never ending tears.
“I know,” Creed says, almost reassuringly. “I know, baby, he’s here. We’re here.”
I want to tell him to shut the fuck up with his placating bullshit, but my lips are numb. I’m forced to roll to my side as my small frame is swallowed up, enveloped by a warm, hard body. The clean scent penetrates the sorrow and I relax fractionally.
“Come back, Snow.” His voice is a shock to my system, and my world tilts on its axis again. How fast can one lose their sanity in the face of grief and despair? “I’m here, baby, come on. Open your eyes and see me.”
“See you?” I whisper, my jaw chattering with the shivers and tremors uncontrollably wracking my body. More warmth sidles up to my back while arms band around my belly.
“Yes, Stardust.” Creed’s voice is clear and confident, forcing a portion of the anguish that is still present to slowly drain from my body.
A calloused hand grips my own and is brought in contact with skin. The touch remains featherlight but urges me to explore. The tips of my fingers trail along the soft curve of a cheekbone before I feel two familiar scars.
My breath hitches when the person cocooning my front shifts, and I feel soft lips press to my forehead, then the tip of my nose, before finally sealing against my mouth. “See me.” Kiss. “Feel me.” Kiss. “I. Am. Real.” Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Another kiss lands on my shoulder from behind at the same time I’m met with more kisses all over my face, and I release a shaky breath, the tension held tight in my shoulders finally ebbing.
“That’s it, Stardust. Come back, baby,” Creed’s gentle voice coos from behind me.
Behind me.
If Creed is behind me, then—
The last of my episode dissipates, the cemetery disappears as our room comes into clarity. When the face in front of me becomes clear, I sob again, but this time, I’ve never felt more relief than I do at this very moment.
Riley’s beautiful face is illuminated before me by the early morning sun, his freckled skin and auburn hair basking in a warm glow that makes him look absolutely ethereal. The deep brown of his mocha eyes captivates me, and a sweet air of unfettered gratitude envelopes me.
He’s alive. He’s here.
My fingers move to his hair of their own accord and grip the longer locks in a firm hold as I beam up at him with a watery smile.
If this is a dream, please don’t let me wake.
As if sensing my thoughts, he leans in and kisses my lips once more before pushing me to my back and maneuvering himself to lay between my legs, his arms now folded beneath his chin that rests on my belly.
With his weight grounding me, I feel a bit more at ease, and a little more of that fear and anxiety melts away. My hands automatically find his hair again, playing with the loose curls at his crown.
It takes me a moment, but I finally remember what it was that had triggered me.
It was the memory of those fucking confetti cannons that went off at the first concert three months ago.
They hadn’t scared me, but the way they petrified Riley had.
They sounded so much like a gunshot to him that he froze up.
The locking of his body constricted blood flow and he nearly fainted on stage.
Luckily, Creed was able to walk him off like it was nothing more than overexcitement from being back on stage.
Fletcher was just as pissed off as Creed. I have to admit, it was nice to see that they had a manager that fought for them just as much as we fought for ourselves. Crew members were fired, and we haven’t had confetti cannons ever since.
Creed rolls, shifting down and sideways so that his head rests on Riley’s back. Both of their eyes are on me, and even though they each carry their own level of concern, love mixes with relief in the way they look at me. I have to say, the feeling is mutual.
Though I’m slowly coming back to reality, I still feel adrift. Knowing what we all need, Creed starts the mantra that has kept each of us grounded since that day.
“See us,” he says, strength oozing from the two words while covering my hands that are in Riley’s hair with his.
“Feel us,” Riley whispers, his dark eyes sparkling in the morning light. He smiles so sweetly, those fae prince canines barely peeking through his grin.
“We. Are. Real,” I finish, my voice rasping out each word.
I look at the men who crowd me, and my belly erupts in a kaleidoscope of butterflies.
A single tear full of nothing but stark relief falls down my cheek, but Riley catches it before it falls from my face.
Before he can do anything about it, Creed snatches his wrist, lifts Riley’s hand to his mouth, and pops the digit between his lips, effectively licking the tear from Riley’s finger.
They’re here. And they’re mine.
I return their easy smiles with one of my own as I push to sit up, each of them following to mirror my seated position. I palm the backs of their necks and look from Riley to Creed, reveling in the fact that this touch—this moment—is real.
I pull Creed in first and press my lips to his. I try for soft and chaste, but of course he doesn’t comply. He tries to attack my mouth with a lusty savagery that threatens to consume me. I laugh against his lips and manage to pull back and turn my attention to Riley.
Ever my good boy, waiting patiently, he sits and quietly observes the interaction between me and Creed. Though, I don’t miss the yearning in his eyes when they drop to my lips. It’s a silent request. He wants his turn but would never ask for it—as if I could ever deny him or keep him waiting.
I pull him closer and press my forehead to his for the length of a heartbeat.
“Show me,” I whisper against his lips. He knows exactly what I mean and what I need before he closes the minuscule gap between us and kisses me.
His hands tangle in my hair, and he claims my mouth as if it’s the last kiss he’ll ever give.
An impossibility.
I’m breathless when he breaks the kiss, but I don’t get a chance to catch my breath before Creed’s hands join Riley’s in my hair, and he pulls us in for a group kiss.
The kind of kiss we first shared in the hotel room from what seems like a lifetime ago.
The throuple kiss we share is something that’s become not only routine for us, but a life necessity.
We need that unified contact as a reminder that we’re all here.
That we all survived the worst. That we all fell in love.
I pull back and watch as Creed takes over and peppers Riley’s face with the sweetest, messiest kisses, making Riley’s cheeks bloom with a fierce blush. My face hurts from smiling while I watch as Riley kisses him back just as eagerly. And with that, something in my heart settles.
They belong to me. They belong to each other. I belong to them. Creed St. James and Riley Benjamin Graves own every piece of my heart and soul. My love for them knows no bounds and only grows with each passing day. After everything we’ve been through, I am never letting these two go.
“You hungry, Snow?” Riley asks as they settle back against me. I drag my fingers through both his and Creed’s hair. “I could make some chocolate chip pancakes.”
“Starving,” I mutter under my breath, my heart rate kicking up. Creed looks at me as he probably heard its shift in rhythm. I let a slow smile creep across my lips. “But not for pancakes.”
“Fuck yeah,” Creed whisper-shouts, flipping himself over as Riley does the same.
They look like two predators eyeing me up, and I am their willing prey.
“C’mere, baby.” Riley hums as Creed leans over to place open mouthed kisses to his neck. “Let us show you just how real we are.”
And they do.
God, they do.
Because that’s exactly what we are.
What we always will be.
Real.
THE END