35. Chapter Thirty Five
D read fills me as I look down at Scarlett. I knew that this day was coming. I had been trying to psych myself up for it since she came back.
We all know that she needs, and deserves, an explanation. But now that we are here, nothing that I feel like I can say will be enough to justify what we did to her.
The way we broke her heart, ghosted her with no explanation after promising we would never leave and doing just that. Bringing her worst fears alive. Putting her through months of heartache all for nothing in the end.
Little did we know just how entwined our fates were.
Would we have done anything different if we knew that it was our Scarlett all along?
Would we have dragged her back here with us? Would we have kept quiet and protected her from a distance ?
There’s so many what if’s. So many things that we could have done differently.
All we can do now is try and explain ourselves to get Scarlett to see how we were feeling in the moment and why we chose to do what we did.
Pulling up one of the seats surrounding the pole in the corner of the room, I take a seat, facing Scarlett before taking a deep breath.
Each of the guys take a seat around the bed, any earlier banter between us dissipated. There’s a thick tension in the room.
My throat feels tight as I try to clear it. It's obvious the guys have volunteered me to be the sacrificial lamb.
I put my elbows on my knees leaning forward as I hang my head for a moment. Taking in another breath I finally look up to Scarlett.
“Our plans for our relationship didn’t change with you the entire flight back to LA. The entire time we spoke about our plans. We already were looking at flights for you to come over to us."
I chuckle, the boys echoing me as we are thrown back into memories from the past.
My smile drops quickly, “Everything changed the moment the plane hit the tarmac. It was utter chaos.”
Nicky nods, “The last time we saw the club in this much chaos was when you were taken.”
Scarlett frowns as she looks at the expressions on our faces.
“One of the raid teams went out on a mission. They were expecting to intercept a shipment of women bound for one of the trafficking rings. But it wasn’t women they found. ”
The feeling I felt that day when we got home floods over me again. My stomach clenches around nothing and I’m thankful we decided to have this conversation before we ate anything.
I swallow down bile as I look directly at Scarlett, “It was a shipment of children.”
Scarlett straightens, her hands slap over her mouth. Her eyes are filled with horror.
I nod, pushing through the sick feeling in my stomach, “We all knew what these rings were capable of. But this wasn’t one known for trafficking children. It was always women who were fleeing violent home lives or women living off the street.
“We have been searching for years for the rings that were dealing with children. There was always word on the street about them but we could never infiltrate them. We were always blocked.”
Dawson grunts, “It seemed to be a new road block each time we tried but we always attempted to stay on the trail.”
Pike agrees with Dawson, nodding as he adds, “Saving any human life is important but there is something about protecting children from these monsters that hits closer to home.”
Scarlett nods as her hands drop from her mouth, “So what happened with the children? Are they okay? Do they have good families to go back home to?”
I smile at her questions even though the situation is dark. I knew she was meant for this life and her concern for the lives we saved proves that.
I nod, “They are all okay now. We were able to return the majority of the children back to their families who were thoroughly vetted before we did so. ”
“No way were we going to send them back to situations that would see them ending right back where we found them,” Sonny curls his lip.
“What about the other kids?” Scar asks in a low voice.
I give her a sad smile, “Unfortunately we couldn’t return them back to their families. Some of them were sold and some of them came from abusive households.”
She sucks in a breath but I continue, “A couple of the older couples in the club took in the kids that couldn’t go back to their families. They are helping them get back on the right track. They are enrolled in school and are seeing a therapist. They are okay.” I try to reassure her as best as I can.
Scarlett sighs in relief and I along with her; her shoulders dropping as she sinks back into the bed.
“For weeks we were so caught up in sorting out club business and the stress that those situations brought that we completely neglected you and I’m sorry for that.”
I trail off as Pike interrupts, “We are all sorry for that. It's a piss poor excuse and we know that but at the time we were at such a loss,” Pike sighs before looking up at Scarlett, “I don’t feel like anything I say is going to make what we did any better, but you have to know just how badly seeing those kids fucked with us. The first thing I thought when I saw them walk out of the van into the clubhouse was you,” Pike chokes out the last few words and a tear rolls down his cheek.
I turn to Scarlett and see the tears are already rolling down her face.
I take a deep breath threatening my own tears at bay, “It brought back a lot of shit we tried to push down.” My voice is sombre as I push through .
“We knew we couldn’t lose another person we loved. Losing you the first time destroyed me. Destroyed us.” I look around at the guys who all nod in agreement.
“We decided that the best course of action was just to stop all communication with you. We already hadn’t replied to your messages or returned your calls so we thought that it would just be easier.” I deflate.
Hearing the words again, the vow we said all those months ago in order to protect our girl just seems so fucking pointless now. I’m not afraid to admit how ridiculous it was. Ghosting someone that lived on the other side of the world just to protect them?
If I could smack me from nine months ago in the mouth, I would.
Scarlett narrows her eyes at us, “And you all thought that would be the best course of action? Ghost me with no explanation?”
I wince and so do the guys. She’s right.
“I’m sorry, Scarlett. Nothing we can do or say will make any of this better. We fucked up. It's something that we are going to have to make up to you every day for the rest of our lives. If you will have us,” Nicky says as he walks over and kneels in front of Scarlett. He takes her hands in his and holds them tight.
“My feelings for you haven’t changed. You have consumed my every waking thought these past months. From morning to tonight. I am completely at your whim.”
Scarlett remains speechless as she looks at Nicky with her eyes wide. A mixture of emotions run across her face as she looks at him.
Longing, hope, love but I can also see anxiety. The fear that we are going to hurt her again. I don’t blame her for being weary of us. We did it to her once before. But this time it 's different.
“How can I trust you again? How can I give myself to you and trust you with my heart? You all broke me. My heart has been in pieces for months,” she says in a quiet voice and my own heart breaks seeing the raw emotion on her face.
“All we can ask of you is to just give us a chance. If you have to keep your walls up around us that’s okay,” I say as I walk towards her and kneel beside Nicky, trying to reassure her in any way that I can.
“What you say goes, Scar. No matter what we are yours. You want us to walk on hot coals for you, we will. You can us to tattoo your name on us, we fucking will,” I declare.
Her eyes widen at my words. Little does she know though that she is already tatted on me. Not her name exactly but the tattoo that takes up my back is dedicated to her.
My Star.
My girl.
The woman who will one day be my wife. The mother of my children.