Ilaris
The Frost Giant’s wolves were unlike anything catalogued in any bestiary I’d ever studied.
They were creatures of pure edge, clicking claws and glistening haunches, each joint and ridge catching the pale light as though they’d been hewn from the ice shelf itself, sharp and geometric.
They chased us off the slope and to the very boundaries of the frozen lands.
It was a tense few days. Cold. Miserable.
Always listening for the distant click of claws on ice, for the low resonance before a howl split the dark.
We could only rest in snatches before running again, folding ourselves into the shallow hiding places the terrain offered.
Unfortunately, the tunnels the Guardians dwelled in proved impossible to find, as though the entrances had been deliberately sealed from us.
Again and again I gathered my thoughts in frustration.
Why did they hope for our failure when we sought only to help, to pull the world back from the edge of damnation?
Was saving a life so thankless a cause? Those with the means and the ancient charge to help, the giants and Guardians, refused to lift a single finger.
All except Killian.
What made him different?
As our journey southeast continued, I began to study him in a new light, comparing him to the Stone Giant and the Frost Giant.
Out of the two, the Stone Giant had given me the Heart, although it had been stolen before I could determine its full use, while the Frost Giant actively worked against us.
Even in the heights of his fury, Killian had never been like them.
One night the scent of earth rose around us, rich and loamy, the ground soft underfoot, like freshly tilled dirt, ready for a farmer to plant the year’s crop.
We emerged onto open land, mountains haunting the far distance, the terrain flat and wide in three directions, the horizon a clean unbroken line.
It was odd to see so clearly, to confirm with my own eyes that no one was coming for us.
Jasper circled the perimeter anyway, nose low, searching.
Killian knelt in the dirt and reverently took out a small box.
I recognized it as he opened it, three seeds nestled in the dark interior.
He pressed each into the earth with his thumb, covered them, and watered them with his flask.
Dusting his hands on his trousers, he rose and walked some distance away.
I followed, asking no questions.
I’d heard tales of plants that grew beyond all natural proportion, that climbed rather than spread.
The seeds were a logical answer to a problem I had been quietly turning over since the Verdant Maw.
How were we supposed to reach the Sky Kingdom?
Jasper did not fly while we were mounted on his back.
I concluded his wingspan was not built for that kind of sustained lift with added weight.
The seeds were a logical choice. They’d grow, a ladder to the sky, and we’d climb.
How long it would take, I wasn’t sure, but I had a pit of doom in my stomach.
All the while I wanted to stretch out the days I had with Killian.
To enjoy them, enjoy him, while this lasted.
Because I felt the end, saw it dancing on the edges of my vision, knew it would swoop in too soon and take this, take him away from me.
I sat down near him, so close our knees almost touched as the sun set. Hues of pink stretched across the sky in a way that made me ache to capture nature’s beauty, the uncapturable, with pen and paper.
I stroked one finger along his thigh, slow and deliberate. He flinched, and the sound that came from his throat made me giddy.
He’d touched me more when we were in the icy city, escaping on Jasper’s back, and out here. I’d grown used to his warmth, the way his touch still sent a zing through me, and I had hope that perhaps the restraint within was strengthening.
“How come you’re different?” I asked, now that we weren’t huddled together for warmth, listening for the sound of claws on ice.
His eyes crinkled as he smiled at me. As usual, the way his molten eyes studied me made my stomach dip. I wanted. Oh, how I wanted.
“Different from whom?”
“The other giants, the other princes we met?”
He cocked his head, studying me with that boldness that made me feel shy, as though he knew every thought in my head.
When he spoke, the words were not what I expected. “You. Ilaris. You make me different.”
Excuses rose on my lips, but those were neither here nor there. Part of learning was asking the right questions, not offering up excuses. “How?”
“Once I realized we were bonded together, I expected our relationship to be fraught with arguments, with hatred, with pointed pining for revenge. But the way you accepted it surprised me. Not mere acceptance, but you wanted to work together to change this, to unravel what had happened. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised, you were there in the ruins, reading from the scroll.
Yet I thought that meant you were after treasure, that you were hunting for the gifts of the gods for your personal gain, which is why I didn’t mention them.
But you weren’t. And it was unkind of me to force you to see the Unmaking like that.
There were other ways to prepare you, to show you the seriousness of what we were. . .are. . ..up against.”
“Then I have truths for you too, confessions,” I said softly.
“My mentor told me I should look for the gifts of the gods among the ruins. Even now, we know the stories, but not what they do, just that they are ancient relics. Relics like that are stored away, studied, written about. Perhaps one day the House of Scholars might have discovered the truth about the gifts. Everything I did, I did for academic gain, to secure my position as a scholar, to advance in that world. But now it seems foolish.”
“What is foolish about it?”
I gathered my thoughts, trying to explain myself concisely.
“When I arrived at the ruins, I was still angry at being sent away, at exposing something wrong and paying the cost for it. It was unfair, and I wanted to find a way to get back at them. I thought if I found a significant discovery, they’d be sorry they treated me in such a way, and elevate my status.
But now that feels very empty, because I’d always be stuck in an endless cycle of proving my worth to those who don’t believe I have any, who only look at what I can give to pad their accomplishments and protect their name.
With you,” I paused, a catch in my throat.
“I don’t have to prove myself. You see my value, my worth without requiring anything.
And you’ve given me everything I wanted, you’ve satisfied my curiosity, you’ve given me powerful knowledge, and the more you share with me, the more secrets we discover together, the more I understand that knowledge is sacred, and my value isn’t found in actions alone, nor should I wish to profit off the sacredness shared with me.
So I don’t know where that leaves me, because being a scholar feels like an empty, hollow promise now.
I love this, gathering knowledge, writing it down, seeing the wonders of the world with my eyes, experiencing everything with you. ”
I held his gaze as I said the last words, lost in an endlessness of realization and desire. Somehow, I felt like I was waking up, understanding the truth that I’d searched for my entire life. Being with Killian felt like arriving, like coming home.
He shifted, opening his bag and pulling out something that shimmered and danced in the light. It was milk-white and moon-bright. A necklace. The very one from his bridal chest.
“Ilaris, ever since awakening, I’ve wondered many things.
I’ve had many questions, and as we travel further and more truths creep up, I have more.
But of you I am certain. Words, gifts, and actions feel inadequate when it comes to you, but I want you to know that I wish you to be my bride, my wife, my own.
I didn’t realize I thought of you that way until the Verdant Maw, until you opened the chest, and I felt that everything in there belonged to you and me alone, as if the world were sundered and broken, and all my mistakes and sins, forgiven, so that I could have you.
That the fire would not burn you, that restraint would be enough, that having you makes me understand what I would have never seen before.
That is what makes me different, so will you have me, Ilaris the Scholar? ”
My heart felt like it would explode, because while I knew the feeling was mutual, I’d never expected the depths of his feelings for me, nor the weight it carried, and my soul felt as though it would fuse with his. “I would have you,” I whispered. “Prince Killian. Fire Giant.”
He placed the necklace around my neck. “There are no witnesses to this, but I would have you all the same. This is my promise to you, to love you, to protect you, to serve you with my life.”
He spoke vows, and I whispered mine back.
And I wondered if, even though there was no one to see, the vows were the truest words I’d spoken, with my whole heart.
And maybe no witnesses were needed, at least not of the mortal kind, for the earth beneath us, the stones in the field, the breeze flowing through, the setting sun, the clouds in the sky, all bore witness to what happened in that field.
When we finished speaking our vows, Killian cupped my cheek with his hand, pausing a beat.
I closed my eyes, my pulse fluttering at the intensity of the skin-on-skin contact.
He was warm, but there was no fiery heat, and when our lips met, I felt the promise of everything we’d just confessed, as though there were magic, sealing, binding us.
I also felt a release, as though something dreadful and impending that had been hanging over me was gone.
But finding answers to questions, discovering what had just happened between us, was the least of my concerns as I sank into the sensations his touch evoked.
Parting my lips, I leaned into his kisses, the dance of give and take as passion built.
My hands roamed, fingers running across the silk of his shirt, fingers pressing against the movement of his muscles, the way his arms curled around me as he drew me closer, the catch in his throat as we touched each other. He tasted of life and energy and hope.
I’d already taken off my armor, but his fingers roamed across my skin, sliding under my clothes, undressing me.
It was only when he removed the last shred, and laid me back, that I peeked an eye open.
We were alone in the middle of nowhere, but I felt awkward about Jasper seeing us like this, but thankfully he was nowhere in sight, and I wondered if Killian had used that trick of his to send him away so we could have this moment.
He kneeled back and undressed, and I did not stop myself from showing my raw admiration for his body, running my hands down his chest, feeling the tight muscles of his stomach and moving further down until he gasped aloud, and covered me with more kisses.
There was no fear, no hesitation, or concern about fire and burning. A riot of colors lit up the sky as we made love, skin against skin, hot kisses, exploring fingers and a multitude of sensations curling and twisting through me. And it felt as though a lifetime of this would never be enough.