Chapter Sixteen #3
‘I want you in my life. I need you. I was terrified of losing you. Of not being enough to deserve you. And you’re right…
I convinced myself I had to do it this way.
So that damned independent spirit of yours wouldn’t get in the way…
’ His gaze swept over her, the approval and yearning in his eyes so transparent now it made her heart feel heavy.
‘Even though your independent spirit is one of the things I adore about you… Ironic, huh?’
‘You’re still not making any sense,’ she said, determined not to back down, not to let him get away with half an explanation.
He cradled her chin, his hand shaking. ‘Don’t you get it, Freya?
I planned to trick you into marriage, because that’s what I do.
I steal what I don’t deserve. I always have.
How could I ask you to marry me, truthfully, honestly, when I couldn’t even tell you I loved you back, because I don’t know how to love anyone, Freya. I never have.’
She frowned, taking his hand, pulling it away from her face. ‘You’ll have to do better than that… What about your brother? You love him, don’t you?’
‘Yeah, I guess, but—’
‘For goodness’ sake, Theo, that’s the most pathetic excuse I’ve ever heard in my entire life. For starters, telling me you love me isn’t even important…’
‘It isn’t?’ He sounded confused now.
‘Of course it isn’t. What matters is that you show me.
If you think the man who helped to save my brothers, who got me over this wall, not once but twice, who went nuts when he thought I’d ventured out into the snow alone doesn’t know how to love me…
That’s just ridiculous. Of course, you do.
You just have to be willing to trust me, the way I trusted you.
To tell me the truth. If you need me, tell me that.
If you want me, well, good, because I want you, too.
But I refuse to marry you until we’re both ready. ’
A huge shiver went through his body, and it occurred to her that they were sitting on top of a freezing wall in the snow and he was wearing only a tuxedo.
She grabbed the rope, and tugged it up. Then slung it off the top of the wall and dropped it down the other side. ‘There’s a ferry in twenty-five minutes. If I hurry, I can make it.’
‘I’ve got a better idea,’ he said, his cold hands cupping her cheeks, his eyes glowing with a naked hope she had never believed possible. ‘My brother’s superyacht is in the bay. We can take it wherever we want.’
‘But what about the land deal?’ she said, unwilling to believe he truly meant it. That she was enough—her own insecurities rearing their ugly head again.
‘I don’t care about the land deal. It was never about that.
It was always about you, Freya. You’re what I wanted before I even realised it.
It’s why I came back, why I kidnapped you.
If you don’t want to be with me after…’ he swallowed heavily ‘…after the shitty way I’ve behaved, I get that.
But I want to be with you any damn way you’ll have me.
So I can prove to you I can do better, that I can be worthy of you, one day… ’
The rush of love was so intense it hurt. He was still insecure about his ability to love her, to love anyone, but she knew, in her heart of hearts, he was worth the risk. As long as they set their own terms.
‘My father will be furious,’ she said.
He laughed, the sound gruff with relief. ‘Which just makes it all the sweeter…’ He leaned into her, pressed a cold kiss to her lips, which instantly warmed her insides. ‘Come with me, Freya. Let’s give this a chance.’
Her heart swelled against her ribcage and thundered in her eardrums.
It was a risk. A chance. Another wild leap of faith. But somehow, this time, it felt right. He’d been honest with her, about his fears, his feelings. So they would be in it together. With nothing to lose, and everything to gain.
She grabbed the lapels of his jacket, dragged him back for another kiss. ‘Just be warned, I may never want to marry you. I’m not sure I’m cut out to be anyone’s wife.’
He only laughed more. ‘Do I look like someone who’s cut out to be anyone’s husband?
’ he said. But then he pressed his hand to his heart.
‘We’ll do this our way, Freya, the way that works for us.
And if that means living in sin for the rest of our lives, I’m in.
Because you’re the only woman I will ever need. ’
Her heart bounced in her chest. He didn’t realise that what he had declared was already love. It would take him time to realise, but they had time now.
Time to make their own rules.
And to hell with duty, with convention, with royal protocols and acceptable behaviour. Which had to be the hottest, coolest, sexiest, most exciting thing she’d ever heard of in her life. And it wasn’t even scary any more, because she would be doing it with him.
She swung her leg over, ready to climb down, but he grabbed her around the waist.
‘Just let me go down first, so I can break your fall?’
He was trying to make it sound like a question, not an order, despite the strain on his face.
A part of her wanted to climb down alone, to prove she could, but the flicker of fear in his eyes told her there was one commitment she’d have to accept from now on. That Theo Caras was going to protect her from harm, always.
She shrugged. ‘I guess I can live with that,’ she said.
He climbed down ahead of her, cocooning her in his strength before jumping the final few feet onto the snow. And when she slipped on the rope and tumbled on top of him, he caught her as she knew he would.