Chapter 15 Gracie #3
I flinch and hold up my hand. “If I have the timeline right, Puck first approached me openly while Darius was sharing his body. They both insist that Darius and I only talked. I kissed him once. But all the other intimate stuff was Puck driving. The first time Puck was gone, he was gone that long because there were some problems separating them.”
“That is so wild,” Poppy mutters.
“I’m surprised they were able to separate at all,” Briella blurts out.
“I’d do terrible things for the chance to study them.
The way they talked about how their parents divided them?
They must have literally split their soul into two.
It’s astonishing that they’re still alive.
Being in the same body? I really can’t believe that the two halves didn’t snap back together. ”
“Back to what you were saying before she goes full-nerd,” Poppy prompts.
“Right.” I sigh and collect my thoughts again.
“I feel like I’m a little upset with him for keeping the truth from me.
But I also get the feeling that Darius wasn’t given a choice.
Puck was the one in control of the situation.
With Darius… He’s so… There’s this child-like wonder in the way he approaches everything around him.
It’s hard to not… Let it happen, I guess?
Being around him is natural. It feels right. ”
“Would that be such a bad thing? To be with him, I mean?”
I look from Poppy to Briella and back. “Darius and Puck… They’re a packaged deal.”
“If you can’t forgive Puck, or if Puck isn’t willing to share, why should you punish Darius?” Briella asks.
I grimace and sigh. “What am I going to do about Puck?”
“It’s no secret I’ve been Team Puck from the beginning,” Briella says. “He firmly believes you’re his fate. That you are the person whose soul matches his.”
“I love Ezra more than I…” love Puck…
I bite my lip and stare into the shadows.
Puck abandoning me, even for good reasons, hurt.
“I don’t like how he wants to control me or the situation,” I say to them. “At the same time, I understand why he did it. The fae culture is so cut-throat…”
And they wanted Puck to be their leader.
At least a faction did. His parents could want him to unify the Unseelie Court all they like, but Puck couldn’t have done it without support.
Which means there are fae out there willing to pledge themselves to him.
For a culture that practically requires blackmail for any productive relationship, that’s a big fucking deal.
And instead of following that path, becoming a king, and everything that goes along with that—he chose me.
“Does it make me a pushover if I tell Puck we can get past everything else if he can accept the others?” I ask. It’s the question that’s been weighing on me.
“No,” Poppy says quickly.
“Not if that’s what your heart tells you is right,” Briella says in a slow and measured tone.
“Choosing to carry that hurt and resentment will weigh you down. Embracing love lightens the load.” Poppy reaches over and clinks her mug with mine.
“Puck loves you. He loves you with a fierceness that’s kind of scary.
It’s all-consuming. I think he has to understand he’s not the only one who feels that way.
He’s not the only one entitled to those feelings.
It’s hypocritical to be okay sharing you with Darius but not Ezra. ”
Briella leans forward, finger in the air. “But Puck’s concern about Ezra isn’t about his depth of feeling; it’s that he’s a vampire.”
“Ezra wouldn’t hurt me,” I scoff.
“Perhaps, but think about this in terms of fae culture. There are practically no love matches for fae. Even those who like each other maintain some sort of dirt on their partner.” Briella grabs a book on the nightstand. “I was reading this historical account of various fae leaders. Look.”
I flip the book open. The pages are soaked with ink.
Where there aren’t words, there are pictures.
Beautiful fae with skin the color of raspberries or snow or pale pastel shades or earthy dark hues are posed alongside entries of their historical value.
There are no small number that look like they could be in Puck’s family tree with varying shades of brown to true black hues.
And they likely are his ancestors. These are probably the stories from his family history he never wants to talk about.
And I can’t blame him. Even skimming the entries leaves me feeling queasy.
Like me, he’s breaking away from the path handed to him to forge his own. The world only sees his magic in one light. As something dangerous. But I believe he can use his gifts to do real good in this world.
There’s so much cruelty out there. So many stereotypes.
Witches are insular, believing they have the only way forward.
It’s so very cult-like. The fae are brutal and cannot be trusted.
Vampires are bloodthirsty and waiting to kill everyone.
Demons are tricksters that devour their own.
I think we’re paying Puck’s culture too much attention.
Especially when our own is just as disgusting and predatory.
There are too many ideals being carried over from a bygone era.
And I understand it’s different for Puck, Darius, and Vyslan, who have lived through those eras.
But I’d prefer to believe that their lived experience has given them the reason to change.
To shift from what their respective cultures tell them they should be to instead pick their own path.
I’d like to make this journey together. All of us.
But especially Puck. I’d like to think I’m becoming someone that could be his partner.
Someone that deserves the three hundred years of work he’s done to himself to become the man he wants to be.
The one thing I didn’t like about our relationship was how it felt like his sole purpose was taking care of me.
It was smothering at times. That can’t continue.
I already have a Dad. What I want is a partner.
Briella’s voice penetrates my thoughts, and I realize she’s been talking this whole time.
“Even Veloncia the Virtuous kept a hidden library where she had each of her partner’s daily actions documented.
She was notorious for monitoring their every movement.
And she is largely considered the kindest, gentlest fae ruler of all time. ”
I pass the book back to her. “If Puck can co-exist, then I want to give this a real shot. With all of them.”
Poppy claps her hands. “Yay! Coven-in-laws!”
Briella beams at me. “I was hoping you’d say that. You deserve to be surrounded by those who love you.”
“Does that make me greedy? To just… I don’t know, flip a switch and be with them all?”
“What?” Poppy wrinkles her nose. That would be an absurd comment to her. Her mother has something like seven husbands right now. “Hell no. If nothing else, it’s what you deserve.”
I don’t know that I agree on the point of deserving, but I appreciate the sentiment.
I reach out to both of them, grasping their hands while balancing the mug on my knee. “We all deserve to find love and be loved.”
Briella looks up at the ceiling. “Goddess? I receive that.”
Poppy and I throw our heads back and laugh.
Now all I have to do is figure out how to make a fae and vampire get along. Never mind thousands of years of conflict between them or anything.