Chapter 22 Gracie #2
I’ve heard about witch-in-bonding, but feeling it is another matter. One of the main benefits of the polyamorous style of families witches prefer is the ability to link, ground, and source magics. Arranged marriages have more of a synching stage than a bonding one.
Now that I recognize it, I’ve probably been in bonding since Vyslan’s arrival. First with Ezra, then Vyslan. Now the others. The goal is for the entire family unit to become synchronized. This way, our energies support one another.
But that brings us back to Luciu.
“I really do not want to think about how they got the blood for the binding.” I wrinkle my nose and hold my breath to keep from gagging.
“Can you imagine them digging through our trash?” Poppy blurts out.
“Goddess, Pops!” Briella slaps the table.
Poppy stares at us. “What? We’re all thinking it!”
I clutch at my throat and gag a little. “Yeah, but the idea of some old fart from the council digging through our trash for used sanitary products is not something I want to think about.”
Briella shudders. “You know it was Sam.”
Poppy and I both do full-body shudders. There are some men in this world that put the eek in creep.
“Sorry I said anything.” Poppy sticks out her tongue and shakes her head so violently her braids lash back and forth. Once she’s settled, she plucks another stem of rosemary and starts stripping that one, too. “Back to Luc. What do you think you’ll do, Gracie?”
“What else is there to do?” I shrug. “We’ll have to alter the binding. The most obvious solution is a Carnalis Nuptiae. Bring it full circle. It’s the only way we’ll have a remotely normal life. After what Luc did for Ezra, I feel like I owe it to him. Plus… Have you seen the way he looks at me?”
“He is so into you.”
Briella lays her hand over her heart. “Like a man in love. I hope he deserves you. You know, Poppy and I are going to put the fear of the goddess into him. He should know that if he fucks up and hurts you, he’ll have to deal with us.”
“He is cute, and you two do look really good together.” Poppy sighs and eyes me. “But how do you feel about him? A full binding is a big deal.”
She’s right, but the way I see it, there’s really no other option.
The blood binding that the coven did is unbalanced.
A lot of things can be done with blood, but there are limitations.
Consent is a big factor. Luciu’s binding is a one-way sort of thing because the coven elder would have gotten his consent for it, but not mine. Which puts me in a position of power.
While we can’t break the blood binding, we can change it.
Carnalis Nuptiae is one of the old rites.
It’s one of the more formal wedding ceremonies typically reserved for love matches.
There has to be feeling behind it. Meaning, Luciu and I have to at least like each other, which I think we do.
I’m actually banking on his affection for me making this work.
I think I like him. But I’ve been a cold, closed-off person for most of my life.
It’s not until lately that I’ve truly begun to feel.
There are few ways the gods still bless us witches, seeing as we’re still doing our so-called penance.
But the Carnalis Nuptiae is one of those things that even the major gods still acknowledge.
Their blessing is why the binding is so powerful that it could overwrite the blood binding.
So, it will have to be done correctly. Under the moon.
Witnessed by our coven. And then consummated.
At least the last bit can be done privately.
That should change the binding enough that we can function normally without the need to be near each other.
It’s unbreakable. Luciu’s magic and my own will forever be intertwined. We’ll be married for eternity. Which is a heck of a commitment to make.
The good news is that coven in the older sense is less of a formal entity and more of a feeling. Briella and Poppy can easily stand in as my coven. If we also invite Luciu’s mother and her circle, we will have both covens represented, making the Carnalis Nuptia more powerful.
“Are you serious?” a deep, imperious voice says from above.
My chin jerks up. Poppy glances to her left. And Briella spins around in her seat. All three of us stare up at Puck standing on the second floor. There’s a bit of railing at the top, and he’s standing there, clutching at the wood.
I can practically feel the heat of his emotions. A myriad of my own feelings wash over me. Except, I have nothing to be ashamed of. This is exactly what Puck, and I talked about.
I arch a brow at him and glare right back. “Eavesdropping?”
Our gazes remain locked as he descends the stairs like a rain cloud.
“You’re going to take him as a husband?” Puck demands.
I stare up at him as a fire ignites in my belly. The nerve of this man. I know he’s probably reacting emotionally right now. Given the conversation we just had, this should not be an issue.
“Can I take this to mean you lied when you said you didn’t see Luc as an issue?” I fire back.
Puck reaches the bottom of the stairs. He’s barefoot, which would explain why I never heard him on the landing. He moves around like a ghost. Sometimes I think even Hausé loses track of him.
“Are you seriously going to perform the Carnalis Nuptia with him?” Puck demands again.
Briella shoves her chair back and stands. She really is something when she gets all witchy-indignant. “You’re seriously out of line, Puck.”
“Guys? I think Puck and I need to have a chat.” I slide out of the chair and open the door behind me. “Puck?”
“You’re out of fucking line,” Briella shouts after Puck.
Given how Team Puck she’s been, her outrage is startling. And it tells me my feelings aren’t wrong.
He follows me out into the garden. The paint tent has been packed away, but the wide lounge is still there and in heavy use. I think Poppy loves it the most. I’m glad we didn’t ruin the upholstery with the paint. Leaving the plastic on was a good idea.
Too bad a little moonlit fucking isn’t why we’re out here. No, once more Puck wants to pick a fight.
I stalk to the other side of the lounge then pivot to face Puck. The setting sun casts long shadows, making his face harder to read. He doesn’t use the glamor at home, no. He’s all fae right now with his nose in the air and ears practically quivering with rage.
I cross my arms over my chest and glare at him. “So you were fine with the unbalanced binding, but not leveling things?”
Puck is quiet for a moment.
He worries his thumb over his index finger then shifts his weight from one foot to the other.
“You’re talking about marrying him first. So yes, I’m pissed.”
“You haven’t given me a single fucking reason to trust you, Puck. Why would I marry you? Why would I give you more ammunition against the others? Why would I want to tie myself to you right now after you have consistently abused my trust?”
“I’ve been with you the longest.”
“And you’ve hurt me the most.” Moon above. I want to rip my hair out right now. “Puck, you left me. I needed you, and you left me. I get why it all happened. I can even forgive you. But I don’t know you anymore, and you can’t just wipe away the bruises you left behind.”
“I know everything about you.”
“Except that you were hurting me!” I’m practically panting for breath now. “I’m not trying to slight you or offend you, Puck. But each relationship is going to move at its own pace. Let’s say Luc and I are fated mates.”
“It’s improbable.”
“Humor me!”
He crosses his arms over his chest, and I watch the muscle at the corner of his jaw twitch.
I cross my arms over my chest, mimicking his stubborn posture. “What would happen to me if Luc and I were physically separated, and he died, hm? What would happen, Puck? Tell me.”
“You would die.”
“Is that what you want?”
We stare at each other for a moment.
“No,” he finally says.
“Okay.” I let my arms flop at my sides. “What would you have me do?”
We stare at each other for so long I realize he doesn’t intend to speak.
“I’m not going to choose, Puck. I will make the decision I believe is best. I’m sorry if this hurts you. That is not my intention. But you and I are not in a good place. We talked about this yesterday, and I thought you understood that.”
He shifts his weight then yanks his arms down, hands fisted at his side. I’m angry with him. Disappointed even. But not afraid. Puck has a lot of stuff to work through, and this won’t be quick or easy. He just needs time.
“This wasn’t how I wanted to introduce the idea to you. You have to know that, right?” I say.
“Obviously,” he mutters.
“If you’re angry and hurt, you only have yourself to blame. If you would have said something when you realized what we were talking about, I would have told you to join us.”
“And what?”
“Talked in circles until you came to the realization that the Carnalis Nuptia is in my best interest, too.”
He snorts. “What? You’d talk me in circles until I thought it was my idea?”
“No, until you came to the realization yourself that this is the best way forward. You’re only upset because you didn’t think of it first, and you don’t like that. You are not in control of the situation, and that is a problem for you.”
Neither of us speak.
The evening breeze gusts through the trees. There are a few bees buzzing around the flowers. I can smell the herb garden. It’s so lush and ready for harvest even I’m aware of it.
The light continues to fade. With Puck’s dark, in-human coloring, it’s like the shadows are enfolding him in a comforting embrace.
“I need to think,” he blurts out at last and whirls, stalking off through the grass.
I stand there for several moments, letting my heart and breathing settle.
That man. He really knows how to push a girl’s buttons. We’re going to have to really work on our conflict-resolution skills. I’m no longer simply going to do what Puck thinks is best. That’s not how things work any longer.
This has to be hard on him. Before now, I gave in to him.
It was easier. If I were only balancing our two wants and needs, I rarely saw the reason to push back or rock the boat.
Being with him made me happy. It’s not so simple now.
But I have many reasons now to push for what I want.
And not least among them is fixing this unbalanced relationship I have with Puck.
I’m not blameless here. I should have stopped being afraid of being alone and stood up to him a long time ago.
That’s why this isn’t just his fault. It’s both of ours.
The doors swing open, and both Poppy and Briella stick their heads out.
“That was intense,” Poppy whisper-yells.
I shuffle toward them, feeling drained. “Did you hear all of that?”
“Kind of hard not to,” Briella says and elbows the door. “I think someone was helping us.”
The shutters clap, and I get the feeling Hausé is shrugging.
Poppy loops her arms around me in a loose embrace. “Are you okay?”
I lean into her and let her squeeze me, but it doesn’t feel quite right. “Yeah, actually, I am. Puck doesn’t handle change well. That’s what I’m realizing.”
“What do you need?” Briella asks.
I focus on my heart and these new, squishy, inner feelings. “I think… I want to go talk to Darius for a bit.”
Briella rubs my back. “Okay. Anything we can do?”
“I think Luc had some questions and ideas for… I don’t know, but he might want to talk to you.”
“You know, I went digging, and people really rave about his work,” she says. “I’m pretty jealous you got him.”
I smile and silently cheer for Luciu. He just got Briella’s stamp of approval. “I like him, too.”
Poppy lets go of me and steps back. “So, when are you going to tell him about the Carnalis Nuptia?”
“Hm, not sure yet. I think Puck needs to come around first.”
And to better understand Puck, I need Darius. But more than that, I want Darius’ comfort. He isn’t keeping his twin’s spot warm. He isn’t even a replacement. He’s just... Different. A soft place to land.
There’s something safe and comforting about him. Something that I need right now.