Chapter 11
Jamie couldn’t settle his mind. Aiden had barely said two words to him since his outburst that afternoon in front of Iris. He’d driven the two of them home without a word, then headed out to the back porch to quote-unquote think about some stuff. Later, Aiden made dinner for the two of them. The filet had smelled delicious, but it tasted like ash in Jamie’s mouth. He hated it when Aiden was upset, especially when it was about something he’d done. But Aiden had still cooked for him. That had to count for something, right?
His hopeful thoughts were dashed when Aiden retreated back to the porch after dinner, leaving Jamie alone inside with his worries. Jamie stayed inside and cleaned up the dishes, letting his mind wander.
When Aiden came back inside for a shower, Jamie decided the entire kitchen needed to be scrubbed. Cleaning helped clear his mind. At least it usually did, he thought as he scoured the kitchen sink.
No one would ever accuse Aiden of being talkative, but he’d never given Jamie the silent treatment. Jamie hated being shut out; it reminded him of his childhood. His parents had ignored him for most of it, and he’d been raised by a rotating cast of nannies and babysitters until he was old enough to be sent off to high school as a boarder. He didn’t mind since Aiden, his friend since elementary school, had been there as well. While the two had been friendly before that, they really bonded in high school. The two found they had a lot in common as only sons — Jamie an only child and Aiden with a younger half-sister from his father’s second marriage— from wealthy but corrupt shifter families. While Aiden’s family money came from real estate, Jamie’s had come through banking.
His parents’ silent treatment lasted until they discovered his preference for men while on a rare visit to their home during a college break. His mother heard him on the phone with the one boyfriend he’d had in college. When she confronted him, he refused to deny the relationship. He’d been with Luke for almost a year at that point; he was a dominant-type grizzly shifter who he’d met at school orientation. Luke was a nice guy who got along well with Aiden. Jamie and Luke weren’t really in love, but they were compatible in ways that mattered at that time.
Once Jamie confirmed their fears, their silence ended. His mother screamed and cried. She raged over what her high society friends would think. This was years ago before having a gay son was considered “in” in his mother’s social group. His mother’s abuse was not only verbal, but physical. She slapped him, which stunned him speechless. For a woman who’d never even hugged him, her strong wolf shifter hand against his cheek was truly a shock.
His father was far less violent, but no less destructive. In a voice dripping with disgust, the wolf shifter instructed his only child to get out of his house and to never return. He was cast out of the wolf pack where his father served as beta to an even bigger, richer asshole. Jamie wasn’t even allowed to get his clothes; he was escorted off the family property by his father’s security. His father told him not to even bother returning to college since he wouldn’t pay for schooling for a son he no longer recognized.
With nowhere else to go, he immediately thought of Aiden. Now that he thought of it, it was funny how he hadn’t thought of his boyfriend, but his best friend. It was like he subconsciously had known that Aiden would never turn him away. His best friend took him in and somehow had convinced his father and stepmother to allow Jamie to stay with them until school resumed. When he called Luke to let him know what happened, he found that both his cellphone and home phone numbers had been disconnected.
Jamie was also able to return to college thanks to an anonymous benefactor paying his tuition. He’d spent years thinking it had been Aiden’s father who paid his tuition, but later learned Aiden had done it himself using money he’d inherited from his dead mother’s estate. He spent nearly all of the money on Jamie’s tuition in secret. Jamie only found out years later when Alden blurted out something about Aiden wasting his money on charity cases. When Jamie confronted Aiden, he reluctantly told him the truth. He’d never planned to tell Jamie about the money. Aiden explained he didn’t want their friendship to change. If anything, though, their friendship became stronger. Jamie knew he had someone in his corner no matter what.
When Jamie had returned to school, he was disappointed but not surprised to find out that Luke was no longer enrolled. His roommate said he’d had a family emergency and had to leave school. Jamie had always assumed his own father had something to do with it. He later learned from Aiden that Jamie’s parents had paid Luke off after discussing the situation with their friend Alden. Jamie didn’t even know how much they paid. It didn’t matter. He was thankful that a pissed off and protective Aiden was there to help get him through his grief.
“See, mate takes care of you,” his wolf reminded him.
“Cause I’m his best friend.”
“Human, I’m getting tired of this nonsense. You know you’re more than that,” the wolf argued.
“Enough, we need to help him now,” Jamie insisted.
He let out a sigh. How could he help him connect with his phoenix?
Aiden interrupted his thoughts. “Why’re you scrubbing the sink at this time of night?”
Startled, Jamie spun around. Aiden stood there in flannel pajama bottoms and a well-worn white T-shirt. His wet hair had been pushed back out of his eyes. How had Jamie not sensed him?
“Because you’re stuck in your head,” his wolf chided.
“The sink needed cleaning,” Jamie answered Aiden.
Aiden stalked closer and peered over his shoulder with sleepy eyes. “It looks brand new. We have an early morning. Enough of that. Go to bed,” he said. He turned and left the kitchen without another word.
Jamie’s shoulders slumped. Great, more nightmares to look forward to. He put away the cleaning supplies and shuffled off to the bathroom. After a hot shower, he dried himself off quickly. Jamie’s fatigue hit him all at once. He needed a good night’s sleep. He pulled on a pair of comfy boxers and a soft T-shirt. He ran the damp towel over his hair and then used it to wipe the foggy mirror above the sink. He yawned, shut off the light, and strode from the bathroom into his darkened bedroom. He hadn’t taken two steps before he jumped, his jaw dropping.
Aiden was lying with his eyes closed in Jamie’s bed. What was he doing?
“Mate sleeping,” his wolf snapped. “Get in bed, human!”
Aiden had positioned himself on the side closest to the door. Perhaps sensing Jamie’s surprise, Aiden’s eyes opened just the tiniest bit. “What’s wrong?” he mumbled.
“What’re you doing?” Jamie croaked.
“Trying to sleep,” Aiden murmured. He closed his eyes. “Get into bed.”
“But why?” Jamie squeaked. He cleared his throat and then spoke. “Why aren’t you in your own bed?”
Aiden rubbed a hand down his face, then opened his eyes and sat up. “Look, I sleep better with you in the same room. I also can help you with your nightmares if I’m close.”
“But I thought you were mad at me,” Jamie said in a quiet voice.
“I need to keep a closer eye on you,” Aiden said. His eyes blazed a brilliant orange. “From now on, where you go, I go. You have no sense of self-preservation.”
“Aiden, I knew I’d be fine. Tessa said—”
“I don’t care what Tessa said. You put yourself at risk as if you were nothing. You are everything . I can’t lose you again!” Aiden yelled. “I’m going to go to Piper tomorrow after work and help her look for a spell that’ll help me shift. I’m tired of waiting for this to happen organically. We don’t have time. I need to shift to be able to protect you and everybody else.”
“Aiden, it’s—”
“No, no, please. Let’s just go to sleep. I don’t want to talk about this anymore right now, OK?” Aiden asked. He lay back down, facing the door.
Jamie frowned, but walked around to his usual side of the bed and climbed in. He lay with his back to Aiden and closed his eyes.
*
“Wake up, little wolf.”
Jamie jolted to a sitting position. He blinked the sleep from his eyes. Aiden was sleeping soundly, his back to Jamie. He glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table – 12:45. I must’ve had a nightmare. He fluffed up his pillow, lay back down, and closed his eyes.
“Not a nightmare. I’m trying to speak to my mate,” spoke a deep, resonant voice within his mind.
Jamie sat up once more. He looked around the darkened room, using his enhanced shifter vision. Aiden was still breathing evenly in slumber. “Who are you?” Jamie silently asked.
“I am your mate. I haven’t been able to speak with you before because my human side has been intractably stubborn,” the voice answered.
“The phoenix? You’re Aiden’s phoenix?”
A throaty chuckle sounded in Jamie’s head. “You could say I am Aiden’s phoenix or he is my human.”
“What’s wrong? Is Aiden alright?” Jamie’s heart skipped a beat. He shuffled over in the bed and peered over to get a look closer at Aiden’s face.
“Other than the fact that he is incredibly obstinate and acting like a martyr, he is well,” the phoenix answered, sounding irritated.
“Why can’t I speak telepathically with him?” Jamie asked. He pushed back to lean against the headboard of the bed.
The phoenix groaned. “Because he is expending so much energy preventing his shift.”
“He’s preventing this?”
“Not consciously, but yes. It is out of misplaced guilt and a fear of becoming a monster. But while I am a mythical beast, I assure you I am no monster.”
“You seem rational, but it could be a trick. That’s probably what Aiden’s afraid of,” Jamie replied.
“You’ve known Aiden for years. I’ve been within him the entire time, just like you and your wolf.”
“I just don’t understand why he’s afraid of shifting. It’s not like he’s all of a sudden going to become evil. He’s the best person I know,” Jamie offered.
“Well, we’re not evil, but at our full strength, we can do an immense amount of destruction,” the phoenix said. “We actually came very close once.”
“Close to what?” Jamie asked.
“When we learned you were kidnapped and tortured, he nearly went mad with grief. I raged – I tried so hard to wrest control of him and shift. I wanted to kill our father. I still do, but I’ve had time to calm down.”
“How did he stay as a human with a phoenix shifter trying to take over?”
“He thought of you and Iris, and he knew you’d be disappointed in him. You two are the tethers that kept us both from madness. But, if anything were to happen to either of you, I’ve become strong enough that I’m confident I could force a shift.”
“Well, we’ll try to avoid that, won’t we?”
“Stubborn human is tormented by fears and guilt, but it’s time for him to come into his own powers. He needs to embrace his shifter side instead of hiding it.”
“I know, I know. I’m not sure what to do, though,” Jamie said. “How can I help him?”
“Continue to support him, but also challenge him. He doesn’t need Piper’s magic to shift. He can do it on his own. He just needs to focus. Our father is so dangerous. I need to be able to train in my natural form before I face him in battle. Time is short.”
Jamie frowned. “Is he even aware that you can speak with me?”
“No, I’ve only recently been able to even converse with him. I’m trying to convince him to shift, but it is slow going. I need your help, too,” the phoenix responded.
“I don’t know whether I should tell him about this conversation or not. He might feel like I’m going behind his back.”
“You can’t be going behind his back. He and I are the same being. I’m allowed to speak with my soulmate, too,” the phoenix huffed.
“I’m not sure that’s true,” Jamie murmured. “Soulmates, I mean. You’re one of the rarest shifters in existence. And I’m just a common wolf shifter. I’m just me.”
A sonorous growl rumbled within Jamie’s mind.
Jamie startled. “What?”
“Never argue with a phoenix shifter about his soulmate. You are wonderful. ‘Just you’ is perfect, and don’t you ever forget it. You’ve been mine for years, little wolf. Years. Now go to sleep.”