Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Allora
My dad didn’t really have news. It was more of a sad, frustrating update.
Another woman was taken. A teenager, living at one of the shelters. Her friend reported her missing, but as usual, it took two days before the police took it seriously. Now it’s probably too late.
I feel bad but I’m even more determined to find these guys and end their operation. No matter how much it upsets Landon.
After the argument with my dad and Tex, I stayed out of sight for the rest of the afternoon.
I hung out with Courtney and Luna, talking about nothing in particular, until it was time for Landon and me to go back to Rage’s place.
My father and I didn’t talk again before he left, and I’m feeling a weird combination of frustration and guilt.
If my mom were still alive, she’d know how to smooth things over.
But she isn’t and I don’t.
“You okay, babe?” Landon has been quiet all afternoon. Not avoiding me but definitely avoiding any kind of serious conversation.
“I’m frustrated,” I admit quietly. “All the men in my life seem to have opinions but no one is really listening to me.”
“I’m listening.”
We’re in the kitchen. We picked up Thai food on the way home and I’m pulling out plates and silverware while he sets out the food. He pauses what he’s doing to put his arms around me.
“You’re not. You want to listen but at the end of the day you think I need to be protected from myself. Different from what my dad thinks but it boils down to a lot of the same.”
“Not true. Yes, I want to protect you under the current circumstances, but I’m not interested in controlling you. Or telling you whether or not you can go out with your friends. Or anything like that.”
He’s behind me, hands resting on my stomach, and I put mine over his.
“You know why I’m scared?” he asks after a moment.
“Why?”
“Because if something goes wrong, there won’t be any way for me to find you.
They’ll put you on a boat or a plane or a damn hot air balloon and get you out of the country.
You’ll disappear, Allora. It’s not like they’re looking for ransom.
They want you. Specifically. And whoever is behind this has deep pockets.
If I lose you, baby, I don’t know what I’ll do. ”
Dammit.
Everything he said makes sense.
It terrifies me but so does the thought of hiding forever. Spending the rest of my life with a bodyguard. Looking over my shoulder. Worried that the boogey man lurks around every corner.
And I don’t know what to do about it.
“I don’t want that either,” I whisper. “But both options for me suck. Being in hiding feels like prison. As much as I love being with you, at some point these four walls are going to start closing in. I miss my friends. The beach. My work. We’ve talked about me going back but I postponed two shoots this week while we try to sort through the possibilities. When does it end, Landon?”
“I don’t know.” He rests his chin on my head. “All I ask is that you trust me until this is over. Once we take them down, I swear to you, I will never tell you what to do or where to go or stop you from living your life. I swear it on my nephew’s life.”
Oh, hell.
How do I argue with that?
He’s sincere. I know he means what he says.
And it would be stubborn and ridiculous of me to argue with him about it.
“Can you be patient just a little longer?”
“Yes. Not forever, but I can put up with this for a little longer. Please note I’m emphasizing a little longer.”
He chuckles. “Understood. Now let’s eat.”
We sit at the small counter that separates that kitchen from the living room and dig into chicken and broccoli and crab Rangoon.
“I was thinking about where you want to live when this is over,” Landon says as we’re eating.
I cock my head. “We’re moving right into the living together portion of the relationship?”
He shrugs. “We’re living together now. What sense does it make to live apart once the threat is over? You know damn well one of us is going to be sleeping over at the other’s place every night.”
He has a point.
“It would make sense to move into my place,” I say after a moment. “It’s paid for. On the beach. And we’d have a lot more room than at your place since it’s got two bedrooms and two bathrooms.”
He nods. “That’s what I was thinking, but I didn’t want to be presumptuous. Frankly, I wasn’t sure you’d want to go back there.”
“There’s a part of me that’s frustrated about it, but like I said, it’s paid for. I like not having a mortgage, even though I pay maintenance and taxes.”
“We also need to discuss money.”
“Okay.” I glance at him curiously. “I was under the impression you make a good salary.”
“Oh, I do. And I’m pretty frugal. The thing is, Daniil wants us all to buy into the company.
It’s four hundred grand. I have about seven fifty in retirement accounts and investments.
So, if I pull four hundred, that’s half of my net worth.
And the rest would all be in my retirement account, meaning I’d have nothing to contribute if we decide to buy a house or have a baby or whatever. ”
“But you’d still be making a salary, right?”
“Oh, yeah. A good one. Two fifty plus bonuses depending on how the company does for the year.”
“I make about the same. Mine is different because I work for myself so I pay my own taxes and health insurance, but I do well. I don’t think money is something we need to worry about.”
“I just don’t want to be in a position where we have a couple of kids, realize we need more room, and I don’t have anything to contribute to the down payment on a bigger house.”
I pause and playfully bat my eyelashes at him. “Are you asking me to make a baby with you, Mr. Grimshaw?”
He chuckles. “No. I’m just thinking ahead.”
I sober. “Do you want kids? Someday?”
“Honestly, I didn’t think it was in the cards for me. I’m thirty-eight. Thirty-nine later this year. I thought my time had come and gone.”
“I’m only twenty-eight, and I’ll be twenty-nine later this year as well. But I think I have a few years before I have to worry about my age. As long as you’re open to the idea.”
“I am.”
“And you realize that being with me means you’ll always have to deal with my dad and the Demons.”
“They don’t scare me.”
“They should.”
“I have no plans to harm or abuse you in any way. If we’re together, my goal in life would be to make you as happy as you make me. What is there to be afraid of?”
“You’re making it really hard not to fall in love with you,” I say after a bit.
“Why are you resisting? That seems like a foregone conclusion.”
I slowly put my fork down and gaze at him in confusion.
“Are you saying…you’re in love with me?”
His eyes meet mine. “I can’t think of anything else to call it. What else would these feelings be? I’ve never felt like this about anyone else. You called me yours, Allora—and I am.”
My mouth is open and I probably look ridiculous, but I’m momentarily flabbergasted.
I love hearing him say that but I can already imagine what people will say.
It’s too soon.
We’re dealing with a crisis—our feelings will change once the danger is over.
If any of my friends were in my situation, those are the things I would say.
Except this is Landon.
This is my life.
My relationship.
The man I’ve already fallen in love with.
“What?” he asks as he watches my face. “Tell me everything you just thought.
I shake my head. “I’m just running through all the things I would say if one of my friends came to me with the story of us meeting and…falling in love.”
“You would tell her to be careful. That it’s trauma-driven. Once you’re safe you won’t feel the same. Am I in the ballpark?”
“Yup. Right on home plate, actually.”
He smiles. “You a baseball fan?”
“Not really. More of a hockey fan. What about you?”
“Same.”
We smile at each other.
“Now what?” I ask slowly.
“Is there something specific we’re supposed to do once we admit to having feelings for each other?”
“I don’t know,” I whisper. “I’ve never done this as an adult.”
“You’ve never been in love?”
“Not like this. Nothing has ever felt the way it feels with you.”
His expression is somber. “Same.”
“It’s a little scary, right?”
“Very.” He reaches out to drag his knuckles across my cheek. “But worth it.”
“Agreed.”
“My sister will be happy. She likes you.”
“I like her too.”
“What will your dad say?”
I frown. “You know, I honestly have no idea. I’ve never introduced him to a guy I was dating, much less in love with.”
“Other than Pete.”
“That was high school. Seriously, it didn’t mean that much.”
“He was your first everything, though.”
“Yes, but that mostly taught me what I didn’t want in a relationship. Or with sex. Don’t get me wrong—I’ve dated plenty. I just never felt like, oh, he’s the one. Not until now.”
“I’ve had a lot of casual relationships but never anything with depth.”
“Right but you were in the military for, what? Eight, ten years? That’s a hard life and women either really want it or don’t want it at all. When you’re on the front lines like that, risking your life every day, I imagine it’s hard to think about falling in love.”
“I never thought about it,” he admits. “Not until you.”