Chapter 22
Chapter
Twenty-Two
MERRI
The moment I stepped into the hall, I heard Lucifer humming from somewhere deeper inside the cabin. I’d been hiding since our confrontation, like the coward I was. But how was I supposed to look him in the face after he kissed me like that yesterday?
I wish I could say I hated it. That I’d instantly pushed him away or drawn blood, but the truth was I’d leaned in.
Like the proverbial moth to a flame. I could blame being a succubus all I wanted, but there was a part of me—a teeny, tiny atom-sized piece—that was curious.
No, that wasn’t a strong enough word. That traitorous little slut liked it.
But wasn’t that the dangerous part of all of this?
Just because we liked something, that didn’t mean it was good for us.
Lucifer wasn’t good for me in any capacity. He wasn’t good for anyone.
He was the freaking devil.
That’s the antithesis of good. Well, unless you believed a word he said. Then he was actually the victim. Which felt like Gaslighting 101, or at the very least, some real NPD shit. If you’ve ever dated a narcissist, you’ll know exactly what I mean.
Before I was halfway down the hall, Lucifer himself came around the corner, stopping in his tracks with a sly grin spreading across his lips.
“I was waiting to see how long it would take you to come out this time. Not even a full twenty-four hours. You’re obsessed with me.”
“You want to talk obsession? Who is holding whom captive, Lucifer?”
“Semantics.”
“Details matter. I hear that’s where the devil lives.”
“If we’re being technical, I have a very lovely castle in hell, as well as a condo in LA and a penthouse in Helsinki.
” He lifted a hand and started counting on his fingers.
“All of Manhattan. An adorable little pub in Glasgow. Plus the high rise in Dubai. A couple of islands.” He snapped.
“Oh, and that sheep farm in New Zealand.”
“Not Vegas? That seems right up your alley.”
He sneered. “No, thank you. Too obvious.”
I opened my mouth, but shut it again immediately when he sucked in a sharp breath.
“I almost forgot the best one of all. My koala sanctuary in Australia.”
“I’m sorry, did you just say you have a koala sanctuary?” This had to be a lie. Why would Lucifer Morningstar rescue anything?
“Koalas are going to be extinct in the wild in your lifetime, Merri.”
“The world is literally ending. Everything is going to be extinct in my lifetime.”
He waved a hand. “But not because of chlamydia.”
“And that’s an upside because . . .”
“They deserve better.”
I stared at him. Was the devil actually debating the finer points of koalas with me? It was so reminiscent of the time Cole went off about camel mating facts that I had to blink a couple of times and force myself to focus.
“Don’t look at me like that. All they do is eat, sleep, and fornicate. That’s all. They’re the most innocent of creatures.”
“I guess I’m just . . . confused.”
“About what?”
“About who you really are.”
He grinned and held his arms out wide, as though he were saying I’m here, you’re welcome.
“My darling little crabapple, I contain multitudes.”
I was starting to see that, but saying so out loud felt like surrender, so instead I didn’t say anything.
“I don’t see why you struggle with the reality of me so much. I know everyone makes me out to be the bad guy—”
“You are a bad guy.”
“—the root of all evil,” he continued, as if I hadn’t contradicted him. “But I’m so much more than that. Just like you are so much more than a sex demon. No one, not even the most beautiful of angels, is only one thing.”
My head was spinning as I attempted to process and filter the truth from his well-crafted lies. Was he all bad? Surely he must be if the horsemen were working so hard to keep me from him, to defeat him.
“Stop trying to talk circles around me. I see what you’re doing.” I shoved past him, holding my breath so I couldn’t inhale the scent of him. He had this delicious manly campfire thing going on that I absolutely refused to admit I enjoyed.
“And what is it I’m doing? Besides getting to know the future mother of my child?”
I spun back around and shoved my finger in his chest. “No. I am not your future anything.”
“Of course you are. We’ve been over this.” He lifted his hand and made his fingers dance like he was finger painting in the air. “We’re written in the stars, crabapple. You and I are a done deal. Sealed by destiny before you were even born.”
“That’s creepy.”
He scoffed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t be puritanical about this. Not after everything we’ve shared already.”
“We haven’t shared a single thing.”
“I beg to differ. You’ve listened to me come on more than one occasion. I’ve watched you touch yourself. And then there’s the little matter of our kiss yesterday. That one wasn’t even over a screen. We shared that . . . IRL, as the kids say.”
“You know what else the kids say?”
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“You give me the ick.”
“Liar.”
“That would be you.”
“Now, now, Merri. Let’s be honest with each other, if nothing else. I initiated said kiss, but you, my darling, were the one who leaned in.”
“I also slapped you.”
It’s true. I had. Just about thirty seconds and one damp pair of panties later than I should have. But the point was, I did it.
“I like a feisty woman. Lucifer doesn’t run from a challenge.”
“Ew,” I said, backing away, but there was a small part of me that lit up at his persistence. What the fuck was wrong with her?
“I am not a challenge, Lucifer. I am a dead fucking end. You and me? Never gonna happen. The sooner you realize that, the sooner we can both go home and get on with what’s left of our lives. I don’t fuck with liars.”
His fingers encircled my wrist as I spun away and made to storm into the living room, stopping me with very little effort. Before I could wriggle free, he had my back pulled against his front and his lips were at my ear, voice low and measured.
“You keep harping on that word. Liar. How many times do I have to tell you that I do not need to lie to get you to want me?”
“All you do is lie!” I shouted, spinning back around to glare up at him, suddenly furious with the both of us. Him for being him, and me for forgetting far more often than I should that he was the enemy.
“No!” he shouted back, getting down in my face.
His eyes searched mine for several heartbeats before he shook his head and said much more softly.
“No. I’ve been more myself with you than anyone I’ve ever known.
Anyone, Merri. Do you know how long I’ve lived?
How fucking rare it is that I can drop the mask and just exist?
That’s the real privilege of being human, you know.
That ability to simply be whatever it is you are.
Unapologetically. Authentically. And so many of you take it for granted, trying to squeeze yourselves into boxes that don’t fit just to please other people.
Wearing a mask is exhausting. Taking it off is the real gift. ”
That brought me up short. As much as I didn’t want to, I could relate.
I understood exactly what he was saying because I had lived my life with the same mask.
But while I’d only lived a quarter of a century, he’d lived millennia.
A reality I couldn’t comprehend. I’d struggled with my mask after a couple decades; I couldn’t imagine the burden of wearing it as long as he’s had to.
But again, admitting any of that felt like a loss I could not afford. So I did what I accused him of. I lied.
“I don’t believe you.”
His gaze seared into mine, but his expression was gentle as he reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair behind my ear. “I think the thing you’re struggling with, crabapple, is that you do.”
As I looked into his eyes, I released a flare of my power, intentionally using it on him for the first time. I needed to know if he was being truthful. If he noticed, he didn’t give any indication, but sincerity coated his aura. I didn’t think even he could fake that.
It wasn’t a perfect test, but it certainly seemed to back up his assertions.
I had a sudden flash of Andi whispering in my ear: You in danger, girl.
“Merri, you say I lied, but you need to accept that we’ve shared countless intimate moments together already.
Conversations I may have had using a different accent, but not a different truth.
I sounded like Cole,” he said, the last sentence coming out in Cole’s voice.
“But I was always me. Everything I told you came from here.” The man took my hand and rested it over his heart.
“Don’t you see how manipulative that is? You pretended to be someone to further your psycho plot, which, for the record, is. a. lie. And speaking of that, let’s address the real elephant in the room, shall we?”
His lips twitched with amusement. For someone being called out, he looked like he was enjoying himself. “By all means, let’s.”
“What happens to me after you get what you want?”
“You’ll need to be more specific.”
“If you knock me up—”
“When I knock you up.”
“Whatever. What happens after?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes as he took a long breath. “Well . . . I ascend to the throne as ruler of all and—”
“No. Not what happens for you, asshole. What happens to me? What happens to the child we have?”
He floundered. I’d actually stumped him.
I snorted a laugh. It was so completely in character for him to be so self-absorbed that he’d never considered what would happen to us.
“I suppose you’ll rule at my side, or do whatever it is you want to do.”
“Because I’ll have served my purpose and you’ll have no need for either of us? Typical.”
“No. Why must you always insist on seeing the absolute worst side of things?”
“Is there an upside here?”
He huffed. “Did you ever consider that maybe I wasn’t going to force a role on you because you’d have earned the right to choose for yourself what part you wanted to play?
Just because I’m orchestrating a brilliant takeover does not mean I want to control every aspect of our lives.
I do still believe in free will, you know.
That might be one of the only things Daddy dearest got right. ”
I wasn’t expecting that. I figured he’d throw me away like yesterday’s takeout and be done with me once I gave him what he wanted. And he still might. His energy gave off sincerity, but Lucifer could be sincere in the moment and change his tune later. Both things could be true.
“And what happens if I never give you my body, or I do, but you can’t get me pregnant?”
His grin was absolutely sinful. “I never miss.”
“I hate to break it to you, but I’m not particularly fertile. I don’t think your skill matters much against genetics.”
He snickered. “Darling, your fertility is a non-issue. I’m more virile than any man you’ve ever been with. You’re probably ovulating right now, simply being in my proximity. All it will take is one time, and my little astronauts will walk on the moon, as they say.”
“No one says that.”
“They’ll discover Atlantis.”
“Still not a thing.”
“You will get pregnant with my child, Merri. There is no doubt in the matter. You could only have a .001 percent chance, and the second I fill you with my seed, it’ll be well over a hundred. You could be on every birth control known in this universe and every other, and it would still happen.”
Well, that settled it. He was never getting the chance to slip one past the goalie. Even if the determination in his voice made things tighten low in my belly.
“Does it matter what I want?”
“Of course it does. We’ve been over this.”
“What if I don’t want to have your child, Lucifer? What then?”
Confusion furrowed his brow. “Why wouldn’t you? Look at me.”
“Because you’re evil.”
A flash of hurt radiated from him, so quickly I would’ve missed it if I hadn’t still been locked in on his emotions. Then he huffed out a light laugh and brought my knuckles to his lips. “Don’t be silly, darling. Everyone loves a bad boy.”
Without another word, he left me there in the hallway staring at the swinging screen door as he bounded outside.
If my brain weren’t so scrambled from the twists and turns of that conversation, I might have taken a second to enjoy my win.
It was the first time I’d gotten Lucifer to run away from me.
Too bad the victory would be short-lived. Because if nothing else, one thing was abundantly clear.
He wasn’t going to give up. And unless I figured out where he was keeping me, I wasn’t going anywhere. Which meant we’d keep facing off like this, over and over again. And if that was the case, I didn’t feel good about my odds.
I didn’t want to admit it, but I might be starting to like him, and that was exactly what he wanted.
At the very least, I understood him, and that was dangerous because it left room for empathy. And once there was empathy, it was impossible for hate. And if I couldn’t hate the devil, the world’s biggest enemy, then how could I possibly hope to keep myself from the inevitable fall?