Chapter 20
TWENTY
CLARA
I’d lost count how many times today I’d cursed myself for deciding to put on a play with a group of five-year-olds with only three days to prepare.
It was like herding cats that were both hungry and tired.
By the time lunch rolled around, I was sweating like a stuck pig and my hair clung to my face.
The only thing that brought me joy was the text from Silas telling me that he’d be by my house to pick me up at seven.
I couldn’t stop the smile that emerged. Silas had actually been a huge help last night.
Not only did he stay late to help me paint the backdrop, but he even helped me set everything up so we’d have something to practice in front of today.
He’d cleaned up the paint, carried it back to my room, and lingered in the doorway while I gathered my things. Then he’d walked me to my car.
Something had changed in our relationship.
And after last night, I was beginning to believe that I wasn’t the only one who felt it.
Why else would Silas want to take me somewhere tonight?
Why else would he cryptically smile when I asked him for more information?
Why else would he say my infamous line, “you’ll just have to wait and see”?
Silas had been standoffish since he first knocked on my door, so there was only one way to interpret his sudden invitation—something had changed for him, too.
And I couldn’t wait to find out if I was right.
When I got home, I jumped in the shower to wash the day off. I blared Christmas music as I dried my hair and did my makeup. I didn’t want to look like I was trying too hard, but I also wanted to look my best.
I wanted him to appreciate what he saw. And when the image of him raking his gaze over my body entered my mind, butterflies began to dive-bomb my stomach.
I picked a baby-blue sweater with a subtle white Christmas pattern across the front and paired it with my dark jeans. I wanted Silas to feel respected when he picked me up. Though I did put on a pair of Christmas ornament earrings—because I wasn’t an animal and this was still December.
I was slipping on my tan boots when there was a knock on my door. I hurriedly slid my heel into the boot and pulled up the zipper before I made my way over. Silas was standing on my porch, wearing a black jacket, his cheeks pink from the cold, and an armful of Christmas decorations in his arms.
Never in my life had I been picked up for…whatever this was…and been given a more fitting gift. It was like a bouquet of flowers for the Christmas crazed.
“For me?” I asked. But on further inspection, I started recognizing the items. “What…?”
“You can stop sneaking them over to my house,” he said as I stepped out of the way so he could come inside.
His words confused me. “I can what?”
He set the decorations down on the couch and then turned to face me. “You’re the one who keeps leaving these all over my yard and porch, right?”
I shook my head. “That does sound like something I would do, but I promise you, I didn’t do anything of the sort.”
Silas frowned as he stared down at the decorations and then shifted his gaze to his house through my front window. Down to the pile…over to his house. Then he smiled.
“Dog,” he whispered.
“Dog?” I asked, wondering how that was the answer to this riddle.
He scrubbed his face with his hand. “Yeah.” He paused. “Dog—who you renamed Blitzen—is a service school dropout.”
I raised my eyebrows. “He’s a what?”
“A service school dropout. I got him back when Isabelle…” His voice drifted off as his skin paled. I wondered what he was trying not to say. Was it wrong that I wanted to know what seemed to be plaguing him?
I wanted him to keep going. I wanted him to open up to me. But I also didn’t want to push him past where he was comfortable. I hoped that, at some point, he would open up to me. And when he did, knowing about his past would be an honor.
Silas cleared his throat. “Anyway, I got Dog for Isabelle. She grew attached to him, so even though he flunked out, I had to take him home.” He smiled. “Problem is, you can’t really unteach certain things. He must have seen this stuff and fetched them for us.”
I couldn’t help the smile that emerged. “That is so cute,” I said.
Silas’s expression softened as he glanced up at me and then back down to the ornament pile. “Yeah. He’s a good dog.”
Silence fell between us. I stood there, watching Silas, waiting for him to speak first. This was his memory, and I didn’t want to interrupt it. Finally, he sighed and glanced over at me. His gaze trailed down my body before he brought it back up.
“You look nice,” he said in a way that made my cheeks flush. His smile made my heart pound as he asked, “You ready?”
I wasn’t crazy, right? He had to be feeling something too. At least, I hoped he was. It had been too long since a man had paid attention to me. Maybe I was misreading everything. Maybe I was so tired of being alone, that after the tiniest bit of attention from a man I jumped in feetfirst.
Was that what I was doing? Reading into things that weren’t there?
On paper, Silas and I didn’t make sense.
We were exact opposites. I was spontaneous and weird, while he was serious and reserved.
I was a fool to think that any kind of relationship could happen between us.
I wasn’t sure I could make him happy, and if he was still hell-bent on canceling Christmas, I was certain he couldn’t make me happy.
So, why did I feel so happy?
Realizing that he was waiting for me to speak, I glanced up and smiled. Whatever that freak-out had been, I was going to keep it buried deep down inside my chest. I wasn’t going to let it surface tonight.
My feelings were just that, mine. Silas was just starting to open up to me, and the last thing I wanted to do was make him slam the lid closed on our friendship for good. Silas and I weren’t some cosmic couple finally finding each other. We were just two stubborn people life had thrown together.
I was determined to change his mind about the best time of the year, while he was determined to keep the status quo. That was all.
“I’m ready,” I said as I reached forward to grasp the door handle.
Silas nodded and just as he turned to follow me out the door, he paused, his gaze falling on Isabelle’s tree.
He knit his eyebrows together. “You decorated it,” he said.
“Yeah.” I pointed at him. “I used the popcorn chain we made.”
He studied it before he slowly began to nod. “It looks nice.” Then his gaze drifted over to the opposite wall, where I’d stacked up the decorations I’d removed from around the tree. “What’s going on here?”
I waved my hand as I reached out to grab his arm.
“That’s nothing. We should really get going.
” My fingers wrapped around his forearm and I pulled slightly.
I didn’t need to go the rounds with him like I had with Abbie.
I didn’t need people to start thinking that something was wrong with me when I was perfectly fine. In fact, I’d never felt better.
I could already see Silas latching onto Abbie’s idea of creating a holiday rehab center here in Grinchland, and that would have the exact opposite result of what I was trying to accomplish during our seven-day deal.
I didn’t want Silas to think that Grinchland was having a positive effect on me.
Silas glanced down at my hand and then back up to me. I could see he wanted to press me about it, but I just motioned toward the front door with my head, hoping that would get him to move.
Thankfully, he didn’t push me further. Instead, he just glanced over at the wall and then back to me and then back to the wall. Finally, he turned and followed me out the door.
We were quiet as we walked out to his car that was still running in my driveway. I went to open the door, but he beat me to it, his fingers brushing mine in the process. Jolts of electricity rushed up my arm from the sensation of his skin against mine.
He cleared his throat as he held open the door, and I slipped onto the passenger seat. He did a once-over as if to make sure I was fully inside before he gently shut the door. Once he got in the car, he asked me if the temperature was okay and pulled out of my driveway.
I nodded before I peeked over at him, appreciating his profile. Silas was a handsome man. Even more so now that he wasn’t constantly glowering at me. He must have felt me staring because he glanced over at me before he frowned.
“What?” he asked.
I shrugged as I moved my attention out the window. “Nothing,” I said.
He paused. “Okay.”
“It’s just that you’re much better looking when you’re not glaring at everyone.” The words tumbled from my lips before I could stop them. My cheeks heated as I peeked over at him, wondering if I’d said too much.
“You think I’m good-looking?”
I cleared my throat and shifted in my seat. “I do believe that my exact words were better looking. Not good-looking.”
He glanced over at me and then back to the road. His left wrist was resting on the steering wheel, and his right arm was propped up on the console between us. His body was slightly tipped toward me. He seemed relaxed and unbothered by what I said.
“I heard good-looking,” he said before turning toward me and flashing me a smile.
I rolled my eyes. “We hear what we want to.”
I watched as his expression softened as if a painful memory had suddenly washed over him. He swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down before his jaw muscles flinched.
“It’s been hard to be happy since Nicole…” His voice drifted off.
I wanted him to keep going. I wanted to know more about him. I was beginning to care about this man. I wanted to help even if there wasn’t much I could do other than listen.
“Was Nicole your wife?” I asked, my voice hushed with reverence for her memory.
He glanced over at me before he slowly began to nod. “She passed away three years ago.” He swallowed. “On Christmas Eve.”