Chapter 8
ADAM
The amount of effort it took for Adam Sage to pretend he didn’t notice Kyra’s strange behavior was exhausting.
Firstly, she was obviously unwell, pale and listless, barely able to remain standing at times, when she used to have so much energy.
No matter how many times he asked her, though, she insisted she was fine.
It was an obvious lie, and Adam didn’t appreciate being lied to.
Secondly, she frequently seemed about to share something with him, and then she would change her mind, turn around, and walk away. It was strange, to say the least. But again, she was unwilling to admit there was anything to it.
Lastly, her positive attitude seemed to have taken a turn for the worse.
Where she used to be a ray of sunshine, she now felt like a dark cloud hovering over his day.
He could chalk it up to the awkwardness he had created with his own inappropriate behavior.
But that didn’t explain everything. He had already apologized, and he didn’t know what else she wanted from him.
He couldn’t have explained it if someone asked, but right now, not knowing what she was thinking was driving him crazy.
After hours of this torture, Adam had finally had enough.
In a stern, unbending voice, he insisted she meet him in his office after their lunch break.
He had some important matters to discuss with her, he had said.
Never mind the panic in her expression when she heard that.
He was going to get to the bottom of her odd behavior before it killed him.
Adam’s office was a small, spare room in his home.
Papers were scattered across his desk. Sticky notes hung from about every surface they could, save the walls themselves.
No doubt about it, he was a fundamentally disorganized man, but it had never stopped or slowed him down, so he didn’t bother to correct it.
All of a sudden, though, he was painfully aware of his own mess.
Why did he tell her to meet him here? Also, why did he care what she thought of his office?
It was all too confusing, so he chose not to think about it.
By the time Kyra arrived, he had only cleared about half of his desk. He hadn’t made a dent in the overall mess, and her eyes subtly darting around the room made his chest tighten with something he refused to admit was shame.
“Kyra,” he said after clearing his throat. “I wanted to discuss your employment with you.” Her eyes went wide when she heard that, and he suddenly felt bad for scaring her. “I’m not firing you or anything. Please, don’t think that.”
She breathed a sigh of relief, and he was glad he’d been able to nip that potential misunderstanding in the bud.
He continued, “I’ve noticed you haven’t quite been yourself lately, and I wanted to ask whether there was anything I could do to make you more comfortable.”
She shook her head. “Nope. I’m good, boss. Just a little tired.”
He couldn’t help but feel she was evading his question altogether. “I can reduce your hours if you like,” he said. “My arm has improved enough that I won’t be needing as much of your help.”
“No, please don’t do that.” She was frantic, and again, he couldn’t understand why. If she was tired, why shouldn’t she want to take it easier?
“Why not?” He nearly snapped at her in frustration but managed to soften his tone in time.
“I like this job,” she said. “I like it a lot. I’ve just been stressed out. But the work helps me keep my mind off things. So, please don’t give me less of it. I promise to do better.”
He sighed and sank into his chair, a hand to his forehead to ease his headache. “Your job performance is fine,” he assured her. “Is it because of what happened between us? We can talk about it if that will make you feel better. I can apologize again.”
“You have nothing to apologize for,” she said. She hesitated and then added, “As long as you don’t blame me.”
Was that what she was worried about? “No, no. Of course, I don’t blame you.
We were… well, it was a unique situation.
” No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t completely get himself to believe that was true, but if he could at least convince her, maybe he could bring the old her back.
“It takes two to tango, right?” He tried to smile. “But we shouldn’t let it happen again.”
She nodded. “I agree.”
“Good. We’re on the same page. So, please, tell me what the problem is.” He almost said, I want the old Kyra back, but stopped himself.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and Adam got the impression he was finally about to get the whole truth from her. Then, she said, “The thing is… I’m pregnant,” and he wanted desperately to believe she was lying again.
He wanted to laugh and tell her that, while he appreciated her attempt at humor, this prank was taking things a bit too far.
He cleared his throat multiple times before he could respond, telling himself not to assume the worst. It wasn’t necessarily his doing.
She could have been seeing a number of men in the meantime.
It would be arrogant for him to assume he was the only person in this small town who a woman like her would be interested in.
“Adam?” she asked when he didn’t respond right away. “Did you hear me?”
Once again, he cleared his throat. “Do you need… paid leave or something?”
She shook her head. “Not yet, anyway. It’s still early. I just wanted you to know because—”
“Don’t say it’s mine,” he blurted out and immediately hated himself for it. “It can’t be mine. I can’t be a father.”
Her expression suddenly went from timid to angry. “I didn’t ask you to.”
Adam felt himself shrink at her words. He knew he was being unreasonable.
He knew his reaction better resembled how a cornered animal might behave than a grown man.
With great difficulty, he pulled himself together.
“I’m sorry,” he managed. “Sorry. This was a… a shock. But I could have reacted better. Can we start over? I mean, after I’ve had a chance to process.
Just so I don’t hyperventilate and pass out right in front of you.
” He forced a chuckle to indicate his intention to lighten the mood with that last sentence.
Kyra only shook her head. “OK, boss. We’ll try this again later. But please know, I won’t ask anything of you. I have this handled. You can… choose not to worry about it.”
He thanked her for letting him know in a purely professional voice that gave nothing away.
Then he told her to meet him for dinner that evening, where they would discuss next steps.
She left looking less than pleased, but Adam didn’t know what else to do.
The truth was, he had no next steps planned.
Rather than something he just wasn’t ready for, becoming a father was something he had long promised himself he would never do.
It made up a big part of his life plan, in fact. Not having children.
It wasn’t that he disliked children. It was that he knew he would be a terrible father and wanted to spare them from having the kind of upbringing he’d been forced to live through.
Both nature and nurture were working against him, as far as he was concerned.
He was genetically tied to his terrible father.
There was no evil-stepfather scenario in this case.
And he’d been taught everything he knew about fatherhood from that same terrible father.
One thing Adam excelled at was knowing his own limitations.
And for the sake of his own potential future children, he had long ago decided not to have them.
But he had to take responsibility. Not doing so was out of the question.
That evening, Adam cooked dinner for two, doubting himself the entire time.
Was there any amount of good food that could make up for what he knew he was going to have to say to her?
Was there any way to soften the blow? He had made a massive, massive mistake in a moment of passion, and now he was going to have to admit it to someone other than himself.
He wanted to punch himself, but he flipped the well-seasoned steaks instead.
This meal would be his attempt at a peace offering, so he set the scene carefully.
The dining room was spotless. The table was set beautifully with sides of potatoes, green beans, and dinner rolls.
He was a simple man with simple tastes. He did his best to keep it unromantic, but he couldn’t resist lowering the lights to a more comfortable level.
When Kyra showed up, he noticed she was freshly showered with her hair tied in a bun. He also noticed, much to his chagrin, that she smelled fantastic, and he narrowly avoided telling her so. Keep it professional, he reminded himself.
“Thanks for coming,” he said, pulling her seat out for her.
Maybe he didn’t intend to be romantic, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t at least be a gentleman about things.
He was determined to make up for what he considered his earlier childishness.
“I made them medium because I forgot to ask what you preferred, and you weren’t answering your door.
” He set her plate with a nicely carved steak in front of her.
“I was probably in the shower,” she said. Her smile was formal rather than warm, but he knew it was his fault, so he didn’t comment. “But medium is perfect.”
“Good.” He sat across from her and gestured for her to help herself to the side dishes first. “Please, enjoy. And to put your mind at ease before we start, I want you to know I don’t intend to leave you in the lurch. I recognize my own role in this mess, and I intend to make it right.”
She shook her head. “That’s the thing, though.
I don’t consider it a mess. I understand you don’t want to be a father, and you don’t have to be.
But I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and I don’t want to give up this chance.
You don’t have to be involved. My mom has already offered to help, and I think…
” She paused and seemed to consider the truth behind what she was about to say.
“I think it’s going to be good. We’ll be fine.
You don’t have to worry about us.” A small smile crept across her face, and that, at least, seemed genuine.
“So, you plan to keep the baby?” he asked, genuinely surprised.
She nodded. “Yeah, I think so. I’ve always wanted to be a mother, and even though I didn’t plan this at all, I’m OK with it.” She shrugged. “I keep thinking that maybe it was meant to be. Maybe I would never have found the right guy anyway, so the universe gave me this chance.”
Adam grumbled, “You’ll find someone. A person like you? Of course you’ll find someone.” He tried not to let the jealousy he felt creep into his voice.
She blushed and bowed her head. “Thanks, I guess.”
He got the impression she was as unhappy about it as he was. They both allowed silence to permeate the dining room as they dug into their dinner. “Do you like it?” Adam asked after Kyra had taken several bites of his cooking.
“It’s delicious,” she said. Her mood seemed to be lifting. “Perfect even. I didn’t know you could cook.” Maybe good food was more help than he’d given it credit for. “I haven’t been able to eat much lately, but this is so good. I think I’ll even have seconds.”
“Good,” he said. And without thinking, he added, “Eating well is good for the baby.” He leaned across the table to tip the decanter he’d filled into her cup.
“No thanks, I…” she began.
But he reassured her. “It’s cranberry juice. Don’t worry. I’m not a complete idiot, despite how things might look from where you’re sitting.”
“I wouldn’t think that about you.” She sipped the juice gratefully. “And thank you for the meal. Honestly, this is probably the best steak I’ve had in years. You really are an excellent cook.”
He let her finish her meal before he carried her plate into the kitchen and sat back down across from her. He watched her contentedly sip her juice for a minute or two before breaking the silence again. “I want you to know that I mean to help you out financially.”
“Oh, no, that’s not what I—”
“I want to,” he interrupted. “I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to raise a child, but I won’t let my own kid want for anything.
I have a little saved up, and I’ll help out where I can.
Don’t tell me not to because you’re worried I’m being pressured into it.
I want to help for my own peace of mind.
And I’ll stay out of everything else, which is the best thing for everyone, I think. Is that acceptable?”
She chewed her lip for a moment and finally nodded. “But… can I still work here? Please. This is the best job I’ve ever had. I don’t want to give it up because of one stupid mistake.”
“Stop, stop.” He held up a hand to silence her.
“Of course you can keep working here. I would never let you go for something like that.” He stopped when she frowned, and he thought better of what he was saying.
“You’re far too valuable an employee, is what I mean.
I’d have a hell of a time replacing you. ”
She smiled, and he felt worlds better. Under everything, though, there was still the hum of a dread he couldn’t seem to shake. No matter what she said, he knew his life was never going to be the same again.