Chapter 39
“Ithink he’s sweet.”
Wolseley and I had the afternoon to ourselves, and when I suggested a walk-through Stanley Park, I thought she’d say no after our huge breakfast, but here we were, walking along the seawall, and I was trapped into this conversation.
“He also sleeps with his teammates’ wives.”
She looked over at me and frowned. “He made a mistake, and that sucks. Are you going to punish him for it forever?”
“Maybe,” I said in a singsong voice.
“Ugh. You’re so close-minded,” she said as she pulled out her phone and took some pictures. So far, most of her pictures consisted of food, menus, or the three of us, but now she’d moved on to the scenic fare.
“And you’re too open-minded,” I shot back. Wolseley was always the first person to forgive a transgression, whether it was warranted or not. I didn’t have enough brainpower to count the times people had taken advantage of that. And still, she forgave them.
“All right, let me take another approach,” she said, pulling up the collar on her wool coat. “I saw the way he looked at you during breakfast. The guy is head over heels, and because you won’t give him a second chance, you’re going to blow it. What if he is your soul mate? How will you know?”
“I love you, and you’re a sister to me, but you’re so off course with this. I can’t trust Jeremy. I have no idea if he will ever tell me the truth. And while you think he has eyes for only me, he also has eyes for a lot of other women.”
“I’m about to push you over this seawall,” Wolseley said. “I think it’s time you start living a little. And that means taking some chances. I think you don’t think you deserve to be happy, or maybe you’re afraid of getting hurt because of your mom. Well, that’s bullshit. Why can’t you take a chance on Jeremy and see where it goes? And if it doesn’t go anywhere, that’s okay too.”
I huffed, but I hated that she had a point. As different as we were, we always seemed to make sense together. “He let me down.”
Wolseley put her arm around my shoulders. “They all let us down. It’s up to us how far down we’re willing to go, and in the grand scheme of things, this isn’t very far. He screwed up long before he met you. Give him a chance to redeem himself.”
“But his history …”
“You keep making excuses about him, that he cheats, that he slept with a teammate’s wife. Did he cheat on you?”
“No, but?—”
“No buts! The guy is fiercely loyal to you. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen total tools in my restaurant treat their dates like shit. Has Jeremy ever done that to you?”
“No, but?—”
“What did I say about the buts? If you don’t have anything concrete, then you have no argument.”
I hated that she was right. As I was thinking about this, she started rubbing her hands together.
“Are you cold? You just came from subzero temperatures. How could this possibly be cold?”
“I should have brought something wind resistant. Can we get out of here before I freeze to death?”
I looped my arm through hers. “Yup. Now that you mentioned it, I’m freezing too.”
That night we hit an Italian restaurant that was getting rave reviews. Wolseley decided to get her cheese fix and order the eggplant parmigiana. I ordered the lasagna, and Tangi opted for chicken piccata. We started with salads and the house’s secret dressing. We also each got wedges of focaccia bread. They were going to need to roll me out of this place once I was finished eating it all.
The server came around with our glasses of wine, and I listened to Tangi and Wolseley chat about Maddy. We had planned a morning of checking out grocery stores. Vancouver was filled with a variety of different ethnic grocery stores, and Wolseley had made a list before she’d left Minnesota. She had some ingredients in mind, and I didn’t mind shopping for food. I did love to eat.
“Tomorrow night, you’re coming to dinner at our house. I want you to see what I’ve done with it.” Tangi looked at me. “I’m assuming I can’t invite Jeremy? You know Ethan doesn’t like being the only guy, especially when the three of us are together.”
“Wait till Maddy is old enough,” Wolseley said with a snicker. “We’ll be a foursome.”
They rambled on, and I thought about Jeremy and what Wolseley had said to me earlier. My head was a jumble of thoughts, and before I knew what I was doing, those thoughts and musings were coming out.
“I never share my feelings, not like the two of you. It’s not healthy. I need to purge.”
They both looked at me with confusion. I had to get it all off my chest and be honest with my friends. I’d spent way too long keeping it all in.
“I’ve made so many crappy decisions,” I said. “And when I should have come to you guys, I didn’t. So here it goes. I dated a guy named Eli for over a year. He was my boss at Richardson’s. He was a lot older than me, and that’s probably because I have daddy issues, but more on my dad later. He was recently divorced, and I kept him a secret because I assumed you would both disapprove. It may have also been because he was an asshole, and I knew it. I also knew he’d probably be a jerk to both of you, and that’s not right. I should have known he was trouble. I guess when he got tired of me, and that’s when I got the promotion to the Canadian division. I think we all know how that went.”
Tangi sipped her wine, enthralled with what I had to say, while Wolseley hailed the server for a bottle of wine. We were going to need it.
“I should have told you about him, but I think deep down I knew you’d tell me to dump him, and while that’s exactly what I should have done, I was so enamored with him. When I was with him, I hated myself because I became the exact woman I didn’t want to be. I hated that I thought I needed and relied on him.”
“It’s okay,” Wolseley said. “You don’t have to beat yourself up.”
“But I do. I hate that I shut my two best friends out.”
Tangi got up and gave me a hug. Wolseley joined in, but I wasn’t done yet, and thankfully the server came back with the wine.
“I don’t know that I need to get into my mom. I think you know what kind of person she was. But my dad? He recently called me and tried to make things right, and I said no. I told him I never wanted to talk to him again. At first, I thought it was because I was angry, but no. I just don’t want him in my life anymore. But am I right? I don’t know. I need you guys for some guidance.”
“What does your heart say?” Wolseley asked, a warm smile on her face.
“It’s telling me I don’t want anything to do with him.”
“Then that’s your answer,” Tangi said. “It’s not about hating him or being angry. If you don’t want him in your life, then that’s okay.”
“And then there is my mother. I hate calling her, I hate the way she makes me feel. A daughter shouldn’t feel that way.”
“But a mother shouldn’t be that way. She’s let you down over and over again,” Tangi said.
“I don’t want her in my life,” I said, my eyes glistening with tears. “I’ve spent Christmases with your family, and I spent Christmas with Jeremy’s family. That’s what I want.”
“Then you should have it. Every damn year,” Wolseley said.
“But I feel like a bad person for shutting her out.”
Tangi got up and gave me another hug. Wolseley did the same. We were having a big hug fest in the middle of the restaurant.
“I want you to listen to your open-minded friend,” Wolseley said, throwing my words back at me. “As someone who is so open-minded, I’m telling you to do what’s good for you and your mental health. And as someone on the outside looking in, that doesn’t include your mom. I get that family will always be family, but you shouldn’t have to put up with them if they are toxic. And your mom is radioactive.”
“I concur,” Tangi said. “She’s never been there for you, and you don’t owe her a thing.”
“And then there is Jeremy. He’s been so good to me, but I keep waiting for something bad to happen. For his true colors to shine through. Or for him to realize I’m a coldhearted bitch.”
Tangi shook her head. “None of those things are going to happen. But I guess the question is whether you want to shut him out of your life too. Do you, or do you want to give him a chance?”
Yes, and I think I finally had my answer.