Chapter 20
Zoe
I didn’t think I’d ever want to visit Zina’s grave.
As far as I was concerned, her body was here, but her spirit was not.
I didn’t want to be reminded of that fact.
When I wanted to talk to her, I talked to her.
Today, though, I felt the urge to be as near to my sister as possible.
It hadn’t even registered in my brain that I was headed to the cemetery until I pulled up.
For a while, I just sat in my car, unsure if I wanted to go to her grave or not.
I thought I’d burst into a puddle of anger and tears, but that wasn’t the case.
My steps were slow, but eventually, they led me to her tombstone.
I stared at the tombstone so long my eyes dried out.
Kneeling, I wrapped my arm around it, wishing I could give her a hug.
When I stood upright, I confessed, “I’m not mad at you anymore.
Haven’t been for a while. It took some time, but I know why you kept the truth from me.
We made all these plans for our life in this small town.
We thought Memphis was so big, but we had no idea.
” I chuckled as my eyes watered. “I’ve been to bigger cities, Sissy, and I’ve had some fun.
But then I lost you and I buried myself in work.
Now I’m here and . . . I don’t know. The fun I’m having here, it’s different.
The festival, the river, the mountains. The drive-thru movies with a beautiful backdrop of stars.
I love the community. How all the stores have real people, not just robots who don’t care about their customers.
I’ve gotten so much cool stuff I have a room in GG’s house just for my treasures. ”
I covered my mouth as I giggled. “You’re supposed to be here.
You’re supposed to be making bomb coffee and serving the community, and I’m supposed to be baking your recipes.
We’re supposed to be married and raising our kids together.
” Huffing, I wiped my face. “I know you didn’t leave me on purpose.
You’d never cause me pain. That’s why you didn’t want me around when you were sick.
And as much as I hate that choice, I respect you for it, and I appreciate it.
I would’ve died with you if I saw your body turn against you.
“I would’ve been so hurt, so sick. So depressed.
I wasn’t strong enough to handle that then.
And what I have now, I have the good memories.
Not memories of you sick. Said all that to say, .
. . thank you. Thank you for protecting me and putting me first, even with everything you were going through.
And thank you for waiting on me so we could say goodbye.
I love you, Sissy. I thank God you’re finally resting in peace. ”
I sat there for a while longer until my alarm went off, letting me know it was time to head out to meet Jessica.
I reached out to her, unsure if she’d want to link up and reconnect, but she did.
Much too much time had passed since I’d seen my girl, and I was looking forward to an in-person account of how good life and love had been to her.
Laughter erupted from the pits of our bellies as we reminisced.
Our time together flew by like we hadn’t allowed eleven years to pass since the last time we talked.
I was proud and happy of the life Jessica had curated with her husband, Nathan, and their son, Jordan.
Jordan had come after a series of miscarriages, and Jessica wasn’t sure if she’d try again, so she was extra grateful for her rainbow baby.
I had an urge to spoil him like a rich auntie as she showed me pictures and videos of him.
He was a reminder of the fact that life went on for family and friends whether I was here or not.
“You remember when we dared you to get your tongue pierced,” she said, then cackled.
“Hey, y’all said get it pierced. You didn’t say I had to keep it in. As soon as my mama found out, I took that shit out.”
“Chile, I remember her bursting through the door waking us up out of our sleep. She told you to stick your tongue out, and I damn near peed my pants.”
I laughed so hard tears were threatening to pour from my eyes. “I’m just glad I had the mind to take that shit out. Otherwise, we all were going to get a whupping that night.”
“It was so funny. She could tell it was swollen, but since she couldn’t see the piercing or the hole, she just yelled at us for having a dirty room.”
We fell out in laughter before I called Mama to confess to having gotten my tongue pierced, and she was twice as mad because I was too old for her to punish me anymore.
“How long are you staying, bestie?” Jessica asked with a pout. “I’ve missed you. I don’t want you to leave me yet.”
“Aww, I’m sure you’ve replaced me by now,” I suggested, needing to feel like the lack of my presence didn’t matter to her as much as the lack of her presence mattered to me.
“Girl, bye. You know I’m still cool with all of our friends except Corneshia, but none of them were my best girl like you. I missed you so much, Zoe.”
“I missed you too. I know it probably didn’t seem like it because I left and just didn’t come back but—”
“I get it. You took a hard loss. Time and life don’t stop because of that. They keep going, even if we don’t want to.”
My eyes watered as I pulled her close for a hug.
We left the sandwich shop we’d met at for lunch and walked around the square.
Of course, I had to take her inside of Grounds so she could see how well it was flourishing now.
We tried Haji’s new medium roast with Irish cream, cinnamon, and a little bit of brown sugar.
It was the best cup of coffee I’d ever had in my life.
He’d somehow mastered my sugar to cream ratio for coffee, and I was even more addicted.
After giving me a kiss and telling me he’d see me for our date later, he left me and Jessie alone.
We continued to talk until we finished our coffee, then we agreed to do a little shopping.
She was a shopaholic like me, so I was looking forward to being with someone who didn’t mind being at the mall for a few hours.
When I told Haji of our plans, he casually handed me a brown bag full of cash and told me to enjoy myself.
I waited until I was inside the car to look inside, chuckling when I noticed ten five-thousand-dollar stacks of cash resting comfortably on top of one another.
I was about to spoil myself and my new nephew, thanks to my man.