CHAPTER 42
Phoebe
Evander shakes his head and leans in to give me a tender kiss. All the while, he’s still moving, grinding up into me. Evander pulls back and his eyes lock with mine.
“There’s something you need to know.”
My brain snaps to attention. “Tell me.”
“I…” He drops his gaze and looks into the fire.
“Evander?”
He looks at me again and smiles sadly. “You’re so beautiful, Phoebe. Too beautiful for someone like me.”
“What?” I’m not sure I heard him right. “That’s nuts.”
“You are too beautiful, and too kind, and too loving. You’re too good for me, across the board.”
“Come on—”
“Let me say this, please.”
I feel my breath coming fast. Whatever this gorgeous man needs to say to me, it isn’t necessary. I’ve already told him that he doesn’t owe me anything. That I won’t make any claims on him. And if that’s a tragedy, well, I brought it on myself.
I don’t know where all this is coming from.
“I…” He shakes his head and starts again. “Uh…”
I’ve never seen him like this. I’m used to the large-and-in-charge Evander. The man I see right now looks tortured. He raises his gaze to me.
“You’re younger than me, yet you've managed to be a part of something that lasts,” he says. “Over the last nine years, you said you’ve had three long-term relationships, right?”
“Yeah. Back to back. Serial monogamist all the way.”
He shrugs. “I don't even know what that would entail, Phoebe. I’ve never had it, never wanted it. Not three years, two years, or even one year. It’s not the way I've operated.”
“I told you that I have no expectations, and I really meant it.”
“I want you to have expectations. That’s the problem.” He closes his eyes for a second. “I don’t want to fuck this up. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then you’ll find a way not to. But for right now, you're here with me, and it’s better than I could have possibly imagined.”
When he tips his head, a curl of raven-black hair falls against his temple. I reach up and brush it from his face.
“I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you. That’s what you have to understand. I adore you, and I’ve never adored anyone. And you pop my collar in a way no woman ever has. Notice how I’m still hard for you? I’m always hard for you.”
I feel my eyes widen. “Oh, boy.”
“I’m walking into unknown territory, here. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“Does anybody?”
That gets a hint of a smile out of him, but his expression turns solemn almost immediately.
“I hate not knowing what I’m doing, okay? I can’t handle that shit.”
I listen.
“Phoebe, I’ve spent my whole life making sure I’m never in this position. By paying close attention to the details. By being overly prepared. By focusing on the next deliberate and/or strategic step that will move me closer to my objective.”
“Okay.” Is he trying to equate being a Navy SEAL with matters of the heart? That seems odd, but I’m no expert in either of those areas, so how would I know?
But that’s what he’s talking in circles about right now—love.
Evander doesn’t know what to do with my love for him. I understand that. But now I see the same goes for the love he might be feeling for me.
Is Evander admitting he loves me?
“We’ll figure it out together, then,” I say. “There’s no cutoff date or deadline or final exam for this sort of thing. We’ll just do our best as we go.”
Evander nods, pulling me tight to him, his arms wrapped all the way around me. I reach up and cling to his broad shoulders.
He moves in me with steady, rhythmic strokes. He puts his lips to the side of my neck, my shoulder, my upper arm. His breath is hot on my skin, and I shudder with delight when I hear my own name against my ear.
In Evander’s deep, rumbly whisper.
His heart beats against my breasts. I’m tucked into him, sheltered, and adored. He just told me so.
I have no idea how long we stay this way, embracing one another, our bodies as linked as two people can be. I’ve never felt closer to anyone in my life, and I’m lucky enough that it’s happened with Evander.
Recognizing this breaks something open in me. Hot tears sting my eyes.
Evander pulls back and grabs my face with both hands.
“You’re mine, Phoebe. I’m yours. So that’s where we’ll start.”
He kisses me. Hard.
It feels like a promise.
And with his mouth on mine and his cock buried in me, hard and insistent again now, another orgasm builds in me. I don’t know how that’s even possible.
It’s a slow and steady climb to the top. I feel it, like that instant at the peak of a rollercoaster, when eternity gets compressed into a sliver of time and you simply hang there.
Waiting for it.
We wait together, and then we soar, shattering in each other’s arms with a fierceness that seems to come out of nowhere.
In fact, it feels as if the world itself is a ball of rolling thunder. I’m feeling the earth move.
Without warning, Evander pulls away, twists, and throws himself on top of me, covering me with his body as he crawls low to the floor. For a moment, I have no idea what’s going on. And then I understand.
The earth is moving. Because the cabin is collapsing. And he’s just dragged me under the table.