Chapter 22
Axel
It’s notuntil we skate back onto the ice for the final period that I see him up in the stands. It’s such an unfamiliar, surprising sight that I freeze momentarily staring up at him trying to process what he’s doing here. I know one thing, it can’t be good that Nolan Rakestraw decided to make an appearance.
“Yo! Ax!” Jefferson’s voice cuts through my haze. His shoulder bumps into me as he skates past. “Wake up. We’ve got one more period to go!”
I shake it off and skate to the goal. He’d reached out a few times over the last week, presumably about the draft of my sermon I’d sent him, but my schedule was already chaotic before adding the police report. I didn’t have the time or patience to deal with him.
Obviously he’s not happy about that.
“Let’s wrap this up!” I shout. It takes everything in me not to look up in the stands for my girl, but I’ve got to stay focused. Get the ‘W’ and move on. I sure as fuck won’t be losing this game now that the Reverend showed up to the first game in four years.
The period moves fast. Erskine U is desperate to even the score. That desperation leads to aggressiveness and sloppy mistakes and more than one fight breaks out. Jefferson gets tossed in sin bin, leaving us without our best defender giving more opportunities than I’d like for them down on my end of the ice. They slap the puck at the goal anytime they get near, praying something gets past. Nothing does.
I guard the fucking goal like my life depends on it.
The clock ticks by, counting down the final seconds, and down by the other goal there’s a scrum down by the net, Reid and two defenders fighting for possession, Reese shouting that he’s open, when suddenly the puck breaks free, ricocheting off the wall. It slides down the ice and the Erskine forward swoops in behind it, chasing down the breakaway. I crouch, filling as much of the mouth of the goal with my body as possible. My knees are bent, hands and stick ready. I clock his position, the way he holds the stick, the direction of his skates and the angle that he rushes toward me. He takes the shot, and I deflect it, the puck zinging behind the net. I break from the crease, chasing after the puck to gain possession. I should clear the puck off to one of my teammates. I should get back in the goal. But instead, I make eye contact with Reese and give him a nod. Taking a few longer glides away from the net, he and I both wait until the other team descends, then he sprints off, and I snapshot the puck down to the far corner, right into the heel of Reese’s blade. It’s bold and Coach is likely to kick my ass later but fuck yeah, I’m going to showboat. The Reverend came here to create a spectacle. I’m more than willing to up the ante.
Reese doesn’t waste the momentum and takes a quick wrist shot at the goal. The lamplight glares, right as the buzzer signals the end of the game.
“Fuck yes!” I shout, raising the stick over my head. My teammates descend, Jefferson rushing out of the penalty box and Reid, crashing into me so hard I almost fall. I look over his sweaty head and catch sight of my girl. She’s grinning wide, eyes shining with pride. This is what it’s about.
This is love.
I used to just want to win, to get wasted with my teammates and find a puck bunny to celebrate with, but now all I want is to be with her.
It’s no real surprise that when I finally look back to where my father had been sitting, that he’s no longer there. The only real question is what he wants and when I’ll have to deal with him. Hopefully after I celebrate.
“Still undefeated!” Jeff roars when we’re back in the locker room, stripped of pads and gear, heading to the shower. “Guess that ‘stache really is magical.”
“That’s what Nadia said,” Ripley jokes. “Bazinga!”
“Don’t.” I give him a hard look and he holds his hands up in surrender. “But yeah,” I grin, “I’m not hearing complaints, on or off, the ice.”
“Is it true,” Murphy asks, “that you got called down to the police station the other day for matching the description of a pervert terrorizing campus?”
It’s a joke, but it hits a little too close, and my gaze flicks to Reese’s, but his jaw just tightens and he gives a curt head shake.
“They mistook me for someone else, but not because of the ‘stache.” I smooth out the fuzz over my lip and then grip my junk. “They thought I resembled a guy named Hugh Cocke.”
“Rakestraw,” Coaches voice carries over the revelry. “A minute.”
I slam my locker door shut and follow him into the hall. “I know I took it too far on that last play, but I saw an opportunity and I went for it.”
“That’s why I have you on the team, because you’re willing to take risks.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “I hate to break up the celebration in there, because you deserve it, but your father is in my office waiting to talk to you.”
“F–” I bite off the word. “Now? In your office?”
“Yep.” The annoyed look on his face tells me he’s not happy about it either. “I’ve got shit to do,” he says, “so make it fast.”
“Yes, sir.”
When I reach the office door, I see him standing, facing Coach Bryant’s shelf of awards and memorabilia. I don’t know if he hears me or smells me first, but he turns, wrinkling his nose. Yeah, I’m still shirtless and probably smell like the inside of a hockey glove, but that’s what the Reverend gets for calling me in before I had a chance to shower.
“Axel.”
“Reverend,” I say, like there’s nothing unusual about the situation. I drop into the seat across from the desk and stretch out my legs. “What’s up?”
“I’ll make this quick,” he says, eyes roving over the ink on my torso and arms. “I’m aware that you’ve been interviewed at the police station involving an incident with a young woman on campus.”
How the fuck? I swallow the question. My father has eyes and ears everywhere. I should know that by now. “No good game? No, well played on being undefeated? No congrats on blocking that last goal and getting an assist?”
“Not when I’m trying to handle a PR crisis.”
“There is no PR crisis. I made a statement and handed over some relevant evidence to help a friend.” Nope, that’s not right. I amend, “To help my girlfriend.”
“You mean the girl, Nadia Beckwith, listed in the report.”
“That’s exactly who I mean.”
“I was afraid it was something like that.” He sighs and props himself on the edge of the desk. His dark gray slacks have a perfect crease down the front. “This girl… Axel, she’s not acceptable.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Anger licks up my spine. “Acceptable?”
“From the report, I know that she’s had some kind of run-in with men on campus. I’ve reviewed her social media, the clothing and behavior she exhibits.” He looks down at me. “She’s got a reputation for pursuing athletes, so the motives behind her interest in you is questionable at best, but what she really is, for you, is a distraction.”
I don’t even know where to begin with the absolute nonsense that just came out of his mouth. So I call it for what it is. “Bullshit.”
“See? You get defensive when I call you out on truths and it leads to vulgar language.”
“You’re right,” I tell him, happy to double down. “I am fucking defensive, but it’s because you’re talking shit about my girlfriend.”
“I knew you were up here carousing and testing the bounds of my patience. First it was the drugs and probation, now it’s this police report and an association with someone who has a questionable past and motives.” He exhales slowly. “I gave you four years and more freedom and indulgence than I ever should have allowed. You’ve got five months before you come back into leadership at Kingdom, where your entire life will be set; financially, professionally, and personally. Now isn’t the time to pursue any kind of public relationship, especially with a girl like that.”
“Tell me, Rev, what kind of girl do you think she is?”
It’s a dare he’s more than willing to take. “Loose morals. Sexually promiscuous. Attention seeking, and from what it looks like, gold digging. She’s not the kind of woman that you can have standing by your side as you take on your future. She’s a liability.”
If we weren’t in Coach Bryant’s office, I’d be in a rage of destruction. But that would only prove my father’s point. That I’m not in control. That I’m not thinking clearly. That I don’t know what I want. Because for the first time in my life it’s perfectly, crystal, clear.
“I know you’re used to being surrounded by people that kiss your ass all day long, but that’s not happening here.” My conviction gets stronger with every word. “I’m not breaking up with her. I love her, and I plan on being with her for a long time.”
“Love,” he mutters. “I never expected this would be one of your rebellions.”
“Getting together with Nadia is the least rebellious thing I’ve ever done in my life. She’s helped me get sober. She’s the reason I stopped chasing every female on campus looking to get my dick wet. She’s good for me and believe it or not, I’m good for her.” The more I talk the more calm I feel. “She’s the victim in that police report–we both were–but you can’t see that because you’re too busy judging and controlling everyone.”
“When you minister over a congregation the size of mine, it’s important to have a hand in everything.” He clears his throat. “Like the draft I received of your sermon. It’s sloppy and uninspired.”
“That’s because I’m not inspired. I can’t get up there on that stage and fake it like you do. Pretending to be pious while you’re flying around on private planes and living in a multi-million dollar home.”
His irritation flares, flipping like a switch. “I give everything to that church and congregation. Everything. Don’t you dare question my integrity.”
“Look, it’s working for you–and them. They treat you like a god and you provide them with some kind of guidance and peace. But I think that it makes you crazy that I’m the only one that doesn’t fall on my knees.” I stand, circling the chair to get some distance. My adrenaline is already running high from the game and I don’t want to do something I’ll regret. “You’re not a god to me. You’re my father. I’m not breaking up with Nadia. She’s mine and I’m not letting her go.”
“I suspected you’d say as much,” he says stiffly. “But remember, you’re not just walking away from your future, but the family. I know you don’t care about me, but this includes your mother and sister. I’ll forbid them to see you.”
“They’re adults.” I pinch the bridge of my nose. “You don’t control them. See? This is what I’m talking about!”
“Don’t I? They’re as used to the life I’ve created as anyone else. The big house, the trips, the celebrity. The mistakes I made with you,” his voice is heavy with regret, “are ones I made sure not to repeat with your sister. She’ll be married to David soon and he’s more than eager to step into the position if you choose to abandon it.”
I blink, trying to process what he’s saying. “So you already had a back up plan.”
“It’s been clear to me before the girl came into the picture that you’re not dedicated to this path. Having a back up plan is the only way to run a business.”
A business. Not a church.
“Fine. Train David to take my place, but Shelby is just a kid. She doesn’t need to get married yet. Give her time to grow up.”
“And turn out like you?” His head tilts. “Your sister is loyal and ready to devote her life to the Kingdom. She’ll be content to be a wife and mother.”
“You mean she’s ready to devote her life and marriage to you.”
“That’s your problem, Axel.” He shakes his head. “I release you from your obligations and you don’t like it. I tell you to get focused and you rebel. Nothing makes you happy.”
If anything, leadership, but I’m still worried about Shelby. She’s too young for this kind of commitment. She needs to grow up, experience the world, get an education outside of our father’s teachings. That will never happen if I walk away. I’m the only thing standing between her and a suffocating life.
“I know this conversation has been heated. You’re coming off a big game. Due to that, I’ll give you until tomorrow to fully make your decision.” He walks to the door. “You know my terms and what I can offer you, but in return I require your full commitment. To your father, both heavenly and on this earth.”
He walks out, leaving me feeling like I’m being torn in two. I’d always known my future wasn’t with the Kingdom, but being separated from my family? From Shelby?
It’s the one thing he knows I won’t agree to.
Unable to facemy teammates or the fans waiting outside, Coach Bryant gives me permission to wait them out. When the locker room is finally empty, I hit the shower, ducking under the scalding spray finally allowing my emotions to unleash. I scrub away hot angry tears along with the sweat and grime. My father actually drew a line. My girl or my family. The future he wants for me or the future I want.
But the worst of all, is the way he spoke about Nadia. If I’d ever entertained ideas of bringing her back to Texas with me, those thoughts are gone. She’s not safe there. And that’s what I promised her with me; a safe space. This is why I never tried to have a real relationship with anyone before. Everything here has always been temporary. My real life is back in Texas–back in the Kingdom.
I was foolish to think I could have both.
Turning off the water, I grab a towel and dry off before wrapping it around my waist. I head into the locker room and stop short. I shouldn’t be surprised Reese is still here, dressed in his post game suit and tie, waiting on me.
“Don’t you have programs to sign? Fans to suck up to?”
“Eh, the other guys deserve a chance every once in a while.” I open my locker and drop my towel, giving him a view of my bare ass. “Jesus. I probably should have waited until you were dressed.”
I yank up a pair of boxers and turn to face him. “Better?”
“Infinitely.” He leans against the bank of lockers across from mine. “So, your father was here.”
I slide into my pants, one leg after the other. “Yep.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Not really.”
He doesn’t move, just watches as I pull on my undershirt.
“Fine,” I mutter, knowing it’s futile. Reese is a nosy bitch. “My father has spies everywhere that keep tabs on me. I knew he was aware of my probation. He managed to get that shut down, which is why it never leaked into the media. But he also knows about Nadia’s police report, as well as my statements.”
“Okay, well, keeping it out of the media isn’t the worst thing.”
“No, the worst thing is him telling me to stay away from Nadia because she’s not an appropriate girl for a man going into church leadership.”
“Oh fuck.”
“Yeah.” I button my shirt, getting riled up again. “He said some really shitty things about her. Untrue, shitty things about her reputation and morals. And he gave me an ultimatum. Her or the Kingdom.”
“Easy,” Reese says. “You pick her.”
“I do pick her,” I tell him. “Every fucking time, but because I’m dealing with Nolan Rakestraw there’s more.”
“What else does he want?”
“If I choose Nadia and walk away from the Kingdom, I’m walking away from my entire family. For good.”
“Shelby.”
“Yep.” I throw my tie over my neck. “He had it all planned. He already knew I wasn’t sure about going back to work for him, so he had a back up plan.” I tell him about David and how my nineteen year old sister is promised to this guy. “She’ll be stuck popping out babies and supporting him for the rest of her life. I can’t let that happen.”
I grab my jacket and my bag and slam the locker door.
“Ax,” Reese says, taking a moment to choose his words, “you can’t save everyone.”
“What? What does that mean?”
“Protecting shit? That’s what you do. It’s in your nature. The net. Your teammates. Your girl. I know you love your sister, but she’s got her own life to live.” He frowns. “Does she even want your help?”
“She doesn’t know what she wants,” I argue. “She thinks she wants what my father wants.”
“Dude, listen to yourself. How the hell is that any different from your dad making decisions for her?”
“It just is,” I say, refusing to back down. “I just want her to have options.”
“I know it’s hard to accept, but technically she is an adult. These are her own decisions to make and I know you don’t agree with them, but Nadia… she’s here. And for some insane reason she wants a tattooed, pierced, reformed fuck-boy as her partner, and fuck man, you have options. Incredible ones and they may give you the chance to help out Shelby later–if she wants it.”
The NHL.
“I told coach I don’t want in the draft.”
“With an undefeated season and a game like tonight, I promise you it’s not too late.”
The truth is that I’ve spent my lifetime running toward a cage, and anything out of it never truly seemed like an option. Maybe I’ve been as trapped as Shelby. Or maybe I’ve just been scared.
But regardless, it’s time for me to decide what life I want to live, and who I want to live it with.