Chapter Thirty-Seven – Taran
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Taran
As I closed my eyes, Thea’s face flashed before me. It was as if I caught a glimpse of her from the corner of my eye, and that made me open my eyes again and look. Of course she wasn’t there. My leaves rustled with pain. I missed her. It was more than that. Knowing I would never see her again was as if I’d lost a part of my being.
My roots were almost completely buried. Slumber awaited, and I could taste it – the peace and quiet of unawareness. When leshy slumbered, they didn’t dream. That was what I wanted – the blessing of an empty mind. But every time I closed my eyes, I either got a flash of Thea’s face, with her deep green eyes and smiling mouth, or I smelled her in the air. It made it impossible to let go.
My vines swayed in the wind. It had been days, and I couldn’t fall asleep. I lingered here, in my oasis, doing everything I could to fall into oblivion, and I kept failing. How could I fail at something that was in my nature?
Frustrated, I pulled my roots out of the ground and started moving around – pacing, as humans would say. I shook my crown and stretched with a groan. I suddenly felt the need to talk to someone. To ask for advice. I looked at Rune’s altar before me. It felt weird to stand here, in the presence of her remains, and think about Thea. I turned around and went to the stream. The nest I’d built for Thea stood on the other side, and as I knew it would happen, the sight of it brought the memory of her to the surface.
Thea’s glistening skin, her disheveled hair spread onto the bed of leaves, her long, beautiful legs inviting my vines to wrap tightly around them. The way she breathed when she was close to release, how her eyes widened, and how her mouth formed a cute “o” when I rubbed that perfect spot inside her.
I couldn’t get her out of my head. I couldn’t sleep because of her. I couldn’t find peace without her. She’d turned my life upside down, and now there was no way I could exist in a world where she existed too but couldn’t be mine.
“What do I do?”
I had half a mind to call Harrison and tell him everything. He was married, maybe he could tell me what to do. But he was human, and his wife was human. He wouldn’t understand my situation.
“Damn it, what do I do?”
I was desperate and in pain. Pain like I’d never felt before. After Rune, I hadn’t thought it was possible to reach a higher level of pain, yet here I was. The only one who could soothe it was Thea.
I wanted to go to her. The urge to just get over myself, forget about our incompatibilities, and go find her, beg her to have me, was strong. Too strong to fight.
All I could see were obstacles, but were there any solutions? What was I willing to do? What was I willing to sacrifice so I could be with her?
It was clear to me that she couldn’t live in my world. Then the question was... could I live in hers?
I found the city suffocating, and I knew I could never live in an apartment building. But maybe a nice house with a generous garden? That didn’t sound too bad. And as much as I loathed cars, it didn’t mean I couldn’t learn to drive one. I would have to take on my human shape in most settings, but at home, in my garden, I could be myself. At work, I’d go back to taking jobs for monster clients.
It would be a compromise. Could I make it? Harrison was right. These past five years, I’d worked hard and built a solid savings account. With nothing to spend money on, I just let it accumulate. Maybe it was time to use it.
The difference between Thea and me was that she had a lot to live for in her world. Family, friends, hobbies and activities that she loved. I had nothing in my world, only painful memories. She couldn’t become a tree, but I could shape myself into a decent-looking human for her.
What did I have to lose? Nothing that I hadn’t lost already. I had to try.
And if she said no, surely slumber would take me then.