Chapter 21
ROLAND
—I Found
by Amber Run
By some miracle, the medics let me ride with him all the way to the hospital.
I sit on the narrow bench beside the stretcher, my hands clasped together so tightly that my knuckles ache.
Austin is lying on the stretcher beside me, the oxygen mask fogging with his breath and the beep of the monitor loud enough to drown out everything else.
I keep staring at the rise and fall of his chest, counting each breath just to have something to do.
My hand twitches towards him more than once, itching to take his hand.
I want to smooth his hair back, cradle his face, and tell him he’s okay even if I have no idea if that’s true.
But I resist, curling my fingers into my palm and trying to stay still.
I’m not prepared for the crowd waiting outside when we reach the hospital.
Reporters line the entrance, their cameras flashing relentlessly the moment the ambulance doors open, their voices overlapping as they shout, their questions blending together into one loud noise.
The lights burst before my eyes, and it’s disorienting.
I know I should care about what this will look like, the stories and narratives that will inevitably be written, and the circus that this is going to turn into—but right now, I can’t bring myself to care.
In the back of my mind, the fear that I’ve nuked Austin’s career is clamouring for attention, but I push it away.
My only fault here is that I cared too much about him.
I’ll figure out how to deal with the consequences later.
For now, I don’t even want to think about what my phone must look like.
I follow as far as I’m allowed to while they wheel Austin towards the emergency room, walking beside the stretcher until a nurse blocks my path and tells me to wait in the reception room.
My head spins as I drop onto one of the chairs along the wall, resting my elbows on my knees, my thoughts moving too quickly to settle on any single one.
What am I doing? Why did I run out of a game like that?
What does this mean for me? Is he going to be okay?
That last question keeps repeating louder than the others, and it comes with a fear that makes my chest ache. I try to breathe through it, to convince myself that he’ll be fine, but the thought of losing him feels so unbearable in a way that goes far beyond concern.
Fuck.
I love him.
I love him so much, I don’t think I can survive it if something happens to him.
I am in love with Austin Coker.
I’m not able to dwell on that realisation for long because Sandra suddenly appears in front of me, her expression dark and stormy in a way that immediately tells me I’m in trouble.
“What the fuck, Roland?” she yells.
Her voice is loud enough that several people in the reception area turns to stare at us, curiosity lighting up the faces who recognise me. The last thing I need right now is an audience, so I stand up quickly and reach for her hand, careful with my grip, and I steer us towards the nearest exit.
“Something happened between you two, don’t even think about lying to me right now,” she says as we walk.
“Sandra, please calm down.” I scan the hallway until I see the door to the staircase. I push it open, guiding us inside.
“Don’t tell me to calm down,” she says tersely, jerking her hand free from mine. She folds her arm across her chest and glares at me. “What? Are you gay now?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose, already feeling the beginnings of a headache forming. “If you could just let me explain.”
She lets out a harsh laugh and shakes her head, disbelief written all over her face. “He’s always had his sights set on you, you know? I didn’t just expect him to actually go through with it.”
That makes me pause. “What do you mean?”
She barks out another laugh. “I told you he’s a flirt who sleeps around,” she says, reaching for the door. “And he told me he would seduce you just for the thrill of it.”
The door shuts behind her with a loud bang that echoes off the walls, leaving me alone in the stairwell with the sound of it ringing in my ears. For a long while, I just stand there staring at the closed door, trying to make sense of what she had just said.
What kind of mess have I gotten myself in?