5. Chapter Five
Chapter Five
Pasha
I wasn’t a jealous man. With Zoya, I hadn’t had even one jealous incident. In fact, I’d been sure I didn’t have that green-eyed monster lurking in me. My trust in women ran deep.
Men, on the other hand, were a different story.
Watching Mia testify in court, hearing the stories of other women in her group therapy sessions, either firsthand through a partially closed door or in passing, eroded my trust in other men.
The way Alyssa was twirling and spinning around her dance partner, their bodies brushing, this guy’s hands skimming her bare skin made me want to rip him off her.
Not a normal reaction.
I had no idea what was happening on the dance floor.
Each move was fast, a flash of footwork and flesh, and I couldn’t keep my eyes off the other man’s hands.
When I wasn’t watching his hands, I was drawn to Alyssa’s sun-kissed bare face, her long dark blond hair secured in a tight bun on top of her head, instead of loose around her shoulders.
She glowed with a thin sheen of sweat, which appeared on her brow.
“This is fast,” Mia murmured, barely above the music blaring from Alyssa’s phone. “This is pretty fucking fast. ”
Mia was right. I forgot I was supposed to be the man in this performance.
Instead, I’d spent most of the routine brooding because this guy got to touch Alyssa when she was so off-limits to me.
If I’d known our night together would lead to less contact, I wasn’t sure I would have followed her behind the curtain.
She’d featured in my dreams and my waking thoughts for two weeks now, but the memory wasn’t enough. I wanted that night to be the start of something. Instead, it was a full stop.
“Pasha’s doing that?” Tyler jiggled Victoria in his arms. Her giant noise-canceling headphones were perched on her head. “Pasha, you’re doing that?” Skepticism coated his words.
“Yes,” I agreed.
Truthfully, I’d rather jump in a cage filled with hungry brown bears than do this routine with Mia while it was live streamed to the world. Was there an easy way to tell her that? Didn’t appear so.
“You’re braver than me,” Tyler said with a chuckle.
Or stupider. I was taking bets on stupid. The odds were in my favor. The stupidest. “Not brave.”
“Well.” Alyssa was breathless as the routine came to a close. “What do you think?”
Mia spun on her heel in my direction. “Pasha? What did you think?”
“I’ll be fine.” I’d been using the phrase since Zoya died, and the words had been a guide, steering me through any difficulty.
Nothing could ever be as bad as rushing to the hospital, hearing she’d died, and later, seeing her shoe lying in the field, alone.
In comparison, I could wade through anything else.
Her funeral, applying for jobs I didn’t feel qualified for, getting those jobs, sitting with Mia while she contemplated an abortion, helping her hide a pregnancy, listening to her testify about things that scarred her, missing my family—all of it had led me here.
What were a few dance steps? No worse than bears in a cage.
“Are you sure, Pasha?” Mia asked with a frown. “Now’s the time to speak up. Once we pull the trigger, the bullet’s out of the gun.”
“I’ll be fine.” I nodded as though my gesture would solidify my statement. The dance was definitely over my head. I could learn, right? A cold sweat broke out.
“Okay.” Mia glanced at Tyler. “We’re going to talk to Alyssa’s partner for a minute. I liked what he did there, so I’m going to see what else he’s been doing.”
I nodded, and they wandered over to the other dancer, who was gathering his things. To my right, Alyssa yanked her hair out of her bun and then massaged her temples.
Did I dare to speak to her? I was full of stupid decisions lately. Why stop now?
“You okay?” I sidled up to her and handed her the pink water bottle she took out of her bag earlier.
“Headache.” She grimaced and glanced over her shoulder at the other dancer. “Jace and I went out last night. He plied me with shots.” A hint of a smile touched her lips. “I wasn’t as good at betting last night.”
I stiffened, my mind going to the curtained area, to her pressed beneath me, to the smell of her warm vanilla-and-flowers perfume wafting toward me.
“Oh.” Her cheeks turned pink. “Not like—it wasn’t like—Jace has a boyfriend.” She shook her head and then pressed her fingers to her temples again. “I think he was trying to make sure I’d be shit today. ”
“What? Why?” They danced together so well I’d wondered how she knew him, whether she’d known him the way we knew each other.
“He wants my job. But he doesn’t even know what my job is. I lied to him about what this performance was for.” She rolled her eyes and sighed before making eye contact. “It was fine, right? The routine?”
Her pleading gaze tugged at my heartstrings.
Was there anything I wouldn’t give her when she looked at me like that?
“Very good. Very, very good.” The dance had been, but there was no way I’d be able to do any of it without spending all my spare time practicing in front of a mirror with a floppy mannequin.
“Do you think you’ll be able to do it?” she asked.
I shook my head, but the words I lived by fell out. “I’ll be fine.” With a sigh, I met her gaze. “He tried to make you look bad?”
She shrugged and broke eye contact. “It’s not just women who can be backstabbing bitches. He helped me. I survived. It’s fine. Mia would never hire him to replace me for this, whatever he might have thought.”
Mia, Tyler, Victoria, and Jace were huddled off to the side, and Jace was telling some sort of animated story, clearly enjoying the attention of the Sullivan-Malone family.
I frowned. Did her friend still think he had a chance to get her job?
Across the room, Mia’s watch beeped, and she rose onto her toes to kiss Tyler’s cheek and then Victoria’s temple.
“We gotta go, Pasha.” On her way past Alyssa, she smiled at her.
“Tomorrow we start, okay? Taryn or Rebecca will send you the schedule for the next couple of weeks. If there are any conflicts with whatever you’ve got going on, just let them know.
There’s a bit of wiggle room in my schedule. Not much. But a bit. ”
“Okay.” Alyssa took her water bottle from my outstretched hand and dropped it into a side pocket.
I held the door for Mia, and I looked in Alyssa’s direction one last time before I left. She was staring at me, and when our gazes locked, the embers caught and flared. I shouldn’t have slept with her.
God, did I ever want to sleep with her again.
“That whole time,” Mia said, as though we’d been in the middle of a conversation instead of starting one, “I kept wondering how I could incorporate some of those moves into my show.”
“You liked it?” The swirling patterns were eye-catching. Had Tyler also been thinking about costumes while he’d watched? Everyone had their thing. All I’d been able to think about was Alyssa.
“I loved it. She’s so talented, don’t you think? So fast, so smooth. Gorgeous.” Her enthusiasm spilled out. This reaction was why I said yes to the dance. I liked seeing Mia so happy. “I was talking to Jace about maybe doing something for the show at some point. A bit of swing. Mix it up.”
My gut twisted. “Don’t hire him.”
Mia frowned and gave me a sideways glance. “Why not? Alyssa must like him well enough.”
I shook my head, not sure I wanted to say more than I had. In silence, I walked beside her. Should I interfere?
“He got Alyssa drunk last night. Tried to make her look bad today.”
Her frown deepened. “Are you sure?”
“It’s what Alyssa said.” We turned the corner toward the car waiting in the distance. She had an interview in an hour. “No reason to lie. ”
“Hmm…” Mia kept pace with me, and she braided the ends of her hair trailing down her arm. “I won’t pursue that, then.” She looked up at me. “Tyler recorded the dance, and he’s sending it to you later.”
“Good.” I opened the car door for her to climb in. Tonight, I’d watch the video and try not to focus on the way Alyssa’s hips moved, or how Jace’s hands trailed over her body, the memory of her skin under my hands. Or the way she glowed from happiness, as though she’d been born to dance.
Their feet. I needed to watch their feet.
“I know the dance seems like a lot,” Mia admitted, peeking out from inside the car. “But this is going to be fun, I swear.”