Chapter 32
But he was. Ryan picked up her hand and linked their fingers. “I would’ve kissed you back.”
“You’re ridiculous.” She leaned back, her eyes sparkling with amusement. “But thank you, I guess.”
He raised an eyebrow, a smirk playing on his lips. “You guess? You wound me. Here I am, ready to step in and save you from embarrassment, and you’re not even sure you appreciate it.”
She rolled her eyes, but her smile widened. “Okay, fine. I appreciate it. Happy now?”
“Much better.”
“Your turn. Never have you ever…?”
He had a quick debate with himself, then decided to go for it. “Never have I…been in love.”
“That’s too easy. False because you were engaged once, so you must have been in love.”
He’d thought so, but maybe not. He’d never felt for Cassie the way he felt for Matti. He wanted to tell her that he was in love with her, but she wasn’t ready to hear it. The words were on the tip of his tongue, though, and he’d even whispered them to her while she slept.
“Looking back, I think I was in love with the idea of being in love. It hurt when Cassie ended the engagement, but I wasn’t truly heartbroken.”
“I’ve never been in love.”
She sounded wistful, as if she wanted to be in love. “Do you want to be?”
“Someday.”
“Think you could ever love me?” As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he wanted to take them back. The question was too revealing, sounded too needy.
“I know I could if…” She glanced down at their joined hands. “If you weren’t a doctor.”
That wasn’t an answer he was expecting or would have even guessed. Her father was a doctor, a damn good one, and she had to be proud of him. Was this the wall she’d erected that he was going to have to tear down?
“Why is being a doctor a bad thing?”
“This is a silly conversation. I don’t want to play this game anymore.”
“Can you explain it to me, please? I really want to know.” If he was going to blast that wall to smithereens, he had to know the reason for her aversion to falling in love with a doctor.
Doctors made decent money… Well, once all the student loans were paid off.
They were the good guys, although many of his colleagues had some pretty big egos.
It kind of came with the territory when you played God.
He didn’t think he had an inflated ego, and he wasn’t bad looking.
If she were truly his, he’d treat her like a queen.
“Matti?” he said when she didn’t answer. “What do you have against doctors?”
Wyatt walked into the room, giving her an excuse not to answer, and Ryan wanted to yell at him to go away. The moment was lost, however, but now he knew that for some reason, doctors were a no for her. It was a start.
“Anything new?” Ryan asked.
Wyatt took a seat in the chair across from them. “No. Still waiting to hear if those leads panned out.”
Matti jumped up and strode to the window and looked out. “I never thought I could kill someone, but I think I could wipe from existence without a second thought those men who want to hurt Sam.” She spun to face them. “If that makes me a bad person, I don’t care.”
“It doesn’t,” Ryan said, standing and going to her. “I think we’re all feeling the same. Come away from the window.” He didn’t think anyone would randomly shoot at them, but no need to test that belief.
“This needs to be over before Sam comes home. You hear me, Wyatt?”
“Hear you loud and clear.”
Ryan studied Wyatt, seeing the exhaustion and frustration on the man’s face.
“Matti and I are going to see what we can scrounge up for dinner. Why don’t you take a break?
Put a ball game or something on and stretch out on the couch.
” He didn’t doubt that in about five minutes of turning a game on, Wyatt would be asleep, getting some much-needed rest.
Wyatt grabbed the remote from the coffee table. “I think I will.”
Ryan took Matti’s hand, and when they reached the kitchen, he said, “I’m guessing he’ll sleep for a while.”
“I hope so,” she said. “He’s exhausted.”
“Let’s make something that can be easily heated up later for him. Any suggestions?”
“You like Mexican?”
“I do.”
“Great.” She glanced back at him and grinned. “We couldn’t be friends if you didn’t.”
“Crisis averted, then.” And he was going for being more than friends.
“I defrosted some precooked chicken this morning, figuring we’d do something with it for dinner. I have the makings for cheese-and-chicken enchiladas. Wyatt likes those. We can make him a plate and heat it up in the microwave when he’s ready to eat.”
“Sounds perfect.” They worked together to make their dinner, chopping onions, grating cheese, and shredding the chicken. Her kitchen was small, giving him the opportunity to brush against her and steal kisses. He wanted a lifetime of moments like this.
“This is nice,” she said.
“What’s that?”
“Cooking dinner together. My limited experience cooking for a man is that he sits and watches me. I like this way better.”
He couldn’t agree more, and leaning in, he stole another kiss. “We’re a great cheffing team.”
“That we are.”
Once the enchiladas were in the oven, Ryan wrapped his arms around Matti from behind, resting his chin on her head. “When this is all over, let’s go away for a day or two. Check into a fancy hotel, get naked and stay in bed until it’s time to come back home.”
“Won’t we have to eat?”
“Room service was invented for that reason.”
“What about Sam?”
“Two choices there. Maybe he can stay with Emily, or we revise the plan, take him with us, and stay somewhere that’s kid friendly. Do some kid stuff with him. I’d be happy with either as long as it meant being with you.”
“Both those sound lovely, but when this is all over, we’ll go back to our lives and Sam will go to his foster family.”
She pulled away from him and peeked into the oven. “I’m going to jump in the shower. These will be ready about the time I get out.”
“Matti,” he said as she was walking away. He waited for her to stop and look at him. “After this situation is over, I’ll still want to be with you. I don’t think I’m wrong that you have feelings for me, so I don’t understand why you think we can’t be together. Explain it to me. Please.”
Her gaze dropped to the floor. “Because you’re a doctor.”
“You said that earlier, but I don’t get why that’s a problem.”
“Doctors don’t have time for their families. My parents are a perfect example of that. It’s why my mother divorced my father. He never had time for her or his children. I don’t want to be like her, alone, responsible for my children without any support from my husband.”
“Just because your parents—”
“No, Ryan. Think about the hours you’re at the hospital. It’s not a normal workday. It is what it is, and it’s not going to change and I’d never ask you to. It’s been great with you being here, but this is not your real life.”
“I will never let my work consume me to the point where I neglect my family.” Taking a step closer, he reached out to lift her chin, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Whether that family is with you or someone else.” He wanted her, though, and only her.
The day he’d decided he was going to be a doctor, he hadn’t let anything get in his way of that.
The thing he’d learned about himself was that he poured all his energy and determination into achieving his goals, and nothing was going to stop him.
And right now, what he wanted more than anything was Matti.
“Go take your shower. I’ll keep an eye on the enchiladas.”
She frowned as if puzzled that he wasn’t trying to change her mind. He was going to, but he was smart enough to know that right now wasn’t the time to push her. When Sam’s mean men were a thing of the past, he’d begin his campaign to change her mind and make her his.
He was already hers.