19. Chapter 19
Glenda
We finished our first cup of coffee in the chair together as Bruce sniffed around the back yard.
Fog burnt off quickly as the sun peeked through the clouds.
It was definitely getting colder outside but I didn’t mind a little chill on my legs.
Sitting on Leigh’s lap kept me warm. I’d have to start wearing warmer clothes soon, but in that moment, I was perfect. Everything was perfect.
Part of me wished we could just stay there, together. His house had quickly become my safe space. He’d become my safe space.
Was I still reeling from learning how bad things really had gotten with Reggie?
Yes. Was I surprised? No. I’d learned from therapy the last time, sometimes we block out the bad memories and instances to protect ourselves.
You see it often with children not being able to recall certain events.
But it can happen in adults as well. Especially after a traumatic event.
I’d had one trauma after another according to my old counselor.
It was like I was a magnet for chaos and pain.
With each one, it got easier to push things down, far in the back of my mind.
Some things that happened as a child I didn’t really consider traumatic until I’d talked about it and got horrified looks.
Then some things I’d started to remember from childhood that made sense I’d tried to forget.
There were other times in high school, too, that were bad, but I’d blocked out and now details were still fuzzy.
That was part of the reason I’d gone into the military.
I thought I’d learn to protect myself and be surrounded by honorable men. What a fucking joke.
I wasn’t the only woman to suffer and be silenced by the armed forces and I wouldn’t be the last. Dr. Stanley was former military. I hoped she wouldn’t be able to relate to the things I’d gone through there, but she’d at least understand.
Even though I was glad I couldn’t remember some things, I wished I could remember others.
Whatever weird safeguard my mind put in place for me made it hard to distinguish dreams, or nightmares, from reality.
That made it hard to understand my emotions about some things, or some people.
And my intuition was trash. Was it my sixth sense or was that anxiety creating a false narrative?
The flood gates seem to have been opened, though.
I’d sent Linny a text to see if she was awake after that crazy dream.
When I rambled on about some of my recent dreams and questioned what Leigh meant when he said Bama never told me what really happened, Linny woke him up.
When Bama told me what happened the night Reggie was killed, it unlocked the safeguard and so many memories came flooding back.
Linny had stayed with me a while but I eventually sent her back to bed.
She had a child to care for and had already been spending all her free time with me.
If she knew what had been going on in my head, she probably would have stayed, but I outwardly appeared calm as my mind struggled to process the rush of information.
“Hey, you good?” Leigh asked as he parked the truck near the clubhouse.
Blowing out a breath that ruffled the hair around my face, I said, “Yeah. Just a lot to do.”
That was true. Packing up seemed like it would be an easy enough task, but sorting through things posed a risk. So many things reminded me of different times of my life that held both good and bad memories.
Leigh grabbed my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Need me to stay with you?”
Before I could reply, the front door opened and Linny came out. Her green locks blew across her face.
“I’ll be okay.” I paused, about to say something else, then decided against it.
He squeezed my hand. “Tell me.”
Rolling my eyes, I said, “It’s dumb. That’s why I didn’t say it.” I smiled at him. “I’m fine.”
He leaned closer, turning and pinning me to the seat. His dark eyes stared me down. “Tell me, or I’m not moving.”
Biting my lip, I finally answered with a huff. “I was going to say keep your phone close. Just in case. But really, I’ll be fine, okay?”
The door opened and Linny asked, “Am I interrupting?”
He dropped his lips to mine for a chaste kiss then said, “I’ll always answer for you, Glenda.”
My heart fluttered as he moved back to his seat before pulling the keys out and hopping from his side. Turning to Linny, who was watching with brows high and a smirk, I waved her out of the way and climbed out.
“I found some boxes,” she said, threading her arm through mine. “I’m stealing her, Leigh. Bama’s at the bar.”
“I’ll be here,” he said from behind us.
When we got inside, Leigh ran ahead of us. He grabbed my face and kissed me hard, not caring that Linny was still arm in arm with me. I couldn’t help but giggle through the kiss.
Linny cleared her throat so he finally pulled away. I was practically dizzy from him.
“I’ll be in there, or the back room. Just text me or call if you need me,” he said before he finally let me go completely and entered the bar.
“And I thought Bama was intense,” Linny said as she mock-fanned herself. She looked down the hall as we got to the stairs. “So, are we going to talk about that?”
“Which part?” I asked as we headed up.
“Whatever you feel like sharing.”
As we headed up all the steps, I tried to figure out where to start. When we finally got back to my room and walked inside. “That was a workout,” I said, my hands on my hips.
Looking around, I grabbed a box from the bed and started from when I called him last night.
***
After going through the stuff I’d accumulated the last few years, I looked around. Linny was still sniffling after I recounted last night and the morning to her.
“So can I be nice to him now?” she asked.
“Were you ever not nice to him?” I asked as I pushed a box toward the door with my foot.
“I wasn’t my normal nice.”
Linny was a sweetie. She wasn’t like the lifers and didn’t have the demeanor to be a bunny. She came to us a scared, single mom running from an abusive man. But she fit in just fine.
“Are we about done? I can see if the guys will help move these for us,” she said as she folded the lid to a box she packed up.
I opened the wardrobe and stared inside. Reggie’s jeans and a few shirts were in there, along with my cut.
“Is Allie around?”
Linny pulled out her phone. “I’ll text her. Why?”
“Tell her to meet us by the pool.”
I’d already bagged his clothes a while ago, but couldn’t bring myself to get rid of them. Pulling at it, I huffed. “I may need some help. It’s got some jeans in there.”
“Okay. We taking that to the pool?”
Nodding, I reached inside and pulled the leather vest off the hanger. “Yep.”
She sent the text then shoved her phone in her pocket. She and I both grabbed the large trash bag and I draped the cut over my arm. Once we got to the steps, I said, “Drop it.”
The bag dropped so I kicked it down the steps. We walked down, and I kicked it down the next two flights until we were back at the first floor. Once down there, we both picked it up again and shuffled through the back door to the pool.
It was covered since it was closed, but the lounge chairs were still scattered around and there were a few round tables with chairs around them. It got cool sometimes but it rarely got so cold in the gulf that you couldn’t sit outside.
“This way,” I told her, heading to one of the metal fire pits.
We dropped the bag and Allie came out as we did. “Hey, what are you doing?”
“You got a light?” I asked.
She grinned. “Always. What are we doing?”
I opened the bag and put a few shirts in the fire pit. “Just a little bonfire.”
“Fuck yeah. Wait. We need the starter.” Allie looked around then ran to one of the grills. “Got it!”
She ran back with some charcoal starter and handed it to me after I draped the cut over a chair.
I doused the shirts in the pit, then grabbed one of his flannels and lit the corner. Once it got a little flame, I dangled it over the pit, then dropped it once the flame caught.
“Damn girl, you’re gonna set your hair on fire if you’re not careful,” Allie said as she lit a cigarette.
Linny pulled over some chairs from the nearby table. They sat, but I stood, managing my little fire and adding more shirts slowly. Otherwise, I’d just kill the flame.
A few minutes passed and Pinkie came out with a few bottles of beer.
“Not too early, is it?” She was a sweetie.
Pinkie was a bunny and mostly worked the bar and the kitchen.
She was cute with a bright smile, more slender and tall with very obvious fake breasts that sat perfectly high with no bra.
Her hair was lightened, but it suited her face.
She was as pretty on the inside as the outside.
“It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?” I asked.
She handed the other girls bottles and then came to me. “Hey, I didn’t even get to see you last night.” She wrapped her arms around me. “It’s so good to see you up and about.”
Pulling away, I took the beer she offered. “It’s good to be up and about. Sorry about yesterday. I was just beat when I got here, then left with Leigh.”
She smirked, waggling her eyebrows.
Laughing, I sipped my beer then asked, “What was that?”
“It’s about time, is all. So what are we doing?”
“Goodbye Earl party. Well, goodbye Reggie I guess,” Linny joked.
Pinkie draped her arm over my shoulder, tugging me close. “Well cheers, baby. Throw another log on the fire.”
I gave her a one-armed hug, then moved to get another shirt from the bag.
We sat, and stood, around a good hour, nursing our beer and burning the bag of clothes. I had to add more fuel for the jeans, but eventually the fire got going good again.
When the last pile was burning halfway out, I walked over to the chair I’d draped my cut over, sat the empty bottle down, and grabbed the leather.
I took it back to the fire pit and held it up. Pinkie gasped, but Allie stood and came over, gripping me around my waist. My throat bobbed as pressure built in my face.
When Linny came over and joined me on the other side, tears finally filled my eyes and one rolled down my cheek. Pinkie’s chair dragged over the concrete before she was behind me and her fingers threaded into my wavy hair.
I inspected the patches on the front, some for the club, but some I’d found on runs and rides. I smiled at a few but they all were attached to that cut, not just by threads. Turning it around, I looked over the back. Property of Reggie.
Sniffling as another tear rolled down the other cheek, I sucked in a deep breath, then leaned to feed it into the fire.
“You need to put some fuel on that,” Pinkie said.
Allie leaned down and got the starter, handing it to me. I sprayed some on the part in the pit and it caught but the material didn’t melt down.
“Just shove it all in and douse it,” Linny said.
She handed me her bottle and I pushed it in all the way and doused it, the flame still live from the clothes catching.
The patches burned easily, but the leather mostly just charred.
“Can I have a smoke?” I asked Allie.
She raised her brow but pulled one out and handed it to me, then held her lighter up. “Hadn’t seen you smoke in a long time.”
I took a long drag and blew it out. “Well, it’s my Waiting to Exhale moment. Too bad this shit won’t burn properly.”
Linny stifled a laugh. Pinkie turned her head. But Allie chuckled.
Holding up the empty bottle Linny had handed me, I said, “How fucking disappointing? So lackluster.”
Glass shattered and we all jumped.
Pinkie shrugged as we all looked down at the broken bottle at her feet. “You needed a boom. There you go!”
Laughter bubbled up from my belly and my head flew back. Looking at my hand, I said, “Fuck it!” and slammed the bottle down.
Allie jogged to the table I’d left mine on then came back, handing me hers and mine. “Here.”
Holding the cigarette between my lips, I took both and slammed them both down together. “Yeah!” I shouted as I pulled the butt from my lips, blowing out a plume of smoke.
We all laughed hysterically, forgetting at least for a few minutes we’d have to clean all that up.
But it felt good to laugh so hard. And even better to know that not only did I have Leigh by my side, but my girls had my back. And I finally could really exhale.