29. Chapter 29
Glenda
The next few days were great. Nothing particularly exciting happened. But that was part of the greatness.
I felt safe. Loved. Happy. I wasn’t dense enough to believe I didn’t need therapy anymore.
I still had shit to deal with, and hopefully over time, I would worry less about being triggered by random shit.
But overall, I was lighter. And it felt good to be in a place where I was ready to finally deal with all my issues and face the past instead of ignoring or hiding from it.
There was tension with the club, but that would never go away.
Someone would always be in the wings trying to cash in on what they established or take something from them.
But they always dealt with it. I couldn’t worry over things I couldn’t control and didn’t really have to do with.
Yes, Leigh was involved, and sometimes was in situations less than desirable, but that wasn’t new.
I’d been with these guys for a few years now and couldn’t see myself any other place.
And I couldn’t see myself with any other man.
“Hey baby, you about ready?” Leigh asked.
“Yep, just let me get my snuggles in really quick.” I patted my thigh and Bruce walked over, then sat. Leaning down, I pet his head, then his soft ears. “Who’s a good boy?”
Bruce licked his chops, drool hanging from his jowls, as I pet him then leaned in for a hug.
“Okay, boy. Stop getting all my lovins,” Leigh said, snapping his fingers.
I stood up and said, “Jealous?”
“Of course.” He leaned down, jerking me closer by my hoodie. He pecked my lips then said, “I’ll put him away, then we can go.”
The weather finally got cold enough for me to need something besides a long sleeve t-shirt. Linny was also wearing one that she got while we were at Thunder Beach not long ago. Her green hair was fading but still looked cute, almost like she did it on purpose.
We left for group therapy again. Dr. Stanley said it may still be good to sit in, even if I wasn’t ready to share and Linny wanted to go. Bama had somewhere to be so Leigh was our chauffeur again.
Since the meeting was midday, we’d made sure to get caught up on chores at the clubhouse the day before. Leigh would go to the shop after, and he had been out the last couple of nights with some of the guys, so we had been at the clubhouse late.
“This weather is deceiving,” Linny said from the back seat. “If you look outside it's all nice and sunny. But you walk out and brrr.”
“I love the cooler air. Less humid.” I stared out the window, watching the trees passing us by. The leaves were thinning and changing colors. I wanted to crack the window but Linny was cold.
Looking over, I took in the moment. Instead of riding in the back, tucked into myself and grasping onto Linny, I was up front with Leigh.
He held my hand nearly the whole way. If Linny wasn’t in the back, I probably would have sat next to him.
I enjoyed being by the window anyway. I longed to be on a bike, smelling asphalt and feeling that chill on my face.
Looking back at him, it was wild to think of how much had changed in such a short time.
But if I was being honest with myself, the feelings for Leigh had been there long before Reggie was gone.
I just convinced myself they were wrong and pushed them to the back, like everything else I didn’t want to deal with.
I still hadn’t said the words to him. He told me repeatedly every day that he loved me. And he showed me.
I didn’t have to chase him. If I asked him a question, big or small, he answered without aggravation or avoiding it. He checked in on me when he wasn’t around. And he must have spoken to Bama, because now Pinkie was practically shoving food at me every time I saw her.
Sometimes he still said things that made me cringe, but it was getting easier to swallow. I was beginning to understand what comfort felt like. Real love. Being with him was like being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket with a hot cup of coffee and a good book. Cozy, calm, and warm.
“What is it?” he asked.
I’d been staring at him. His sharp and dark features were stunning. And I’d memorized every tattoo. On the outside he appeared cold, but wildly sexy; the kind of man most mothers would warn you about. But while he was sexy as hell, he was anything but cold.
“Nothing. Just lookin’ at ya.”
He pulled my hand to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to my fingers. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy this week.”
Linny laughed from the backseat and I covered my mouth with my other hand.
“What? What’s funny?” he asked.
“Not funny,” I told him. “Sweet. Sugary sweet. But yes, I miss you when you’re gone.”
His chest puffed out but he didn’t grin or say anything, just kept driving.
“Plus, you’re nice to look at.”
That got him to crack a half smile. “You can always look.”
“I’m back here, you guys,” Linny said.
I turned and blew a kiss at her, but we stayed quiet the rest of the ride.
When we got to the center, we all hopped out. Leigh walked us inside but left me at the door to the session. “I’ll be in the truck, but I’ll come back when you’re done.”
Linny passed me and went inside.
“We can walk outside, Leigh. I know you have business to handle. It’s a short walk from here to there.”
He gently pulled my hoodie, moving me away from the door. He stepped in close. “I know. But I worry.” He nudged his nose over mine.
My eyes closed and a smile spread. “I like that you do. But I’m okay. You can’t be with me every second.”
“I know, and that’s why I want to be with you all the seconds I can, Glenda.”
Grabbing his neck and pulling him back down, I told him, “You really are difficult in the best way possible.”
He leaned in for a quick but passionate kiss. Pulling away, he said, “Okay. I’ll be outside. But don’t hang around too long or I’m coming in.”
He walked away so I stepped inside, heading to the meeting room and took the seat next to Linny.
The session was better for me today. I still didn’t talk much, but I introduced myself and explained I had PTSD from several assaults and two losses, and that’s why I was there. Everyone was welcoming and Dr. Stanley smiled but didn’t push.
Linny shared a little but left out bits and pieces, mostly about Marshall. The last thing any of us needed was a way to tie us to a cop showing up dead.
A new woman was there. She was pretty. Maybe mid twenties.
Long, dark hair straight as a board. She was slender with long legs.
We were all sitting so I couldn’t tell how tall she was, but most people were taller than me.
She had on tight jeans, black heels, and a black leather jacket over a black graphic tee.
Her eyeliner was sharp and her lips glistened with a red gloss.
When we did introductions, she said her name was Lydia.
When one of the men got through talking about how he lost his wife to gun violence, the room was quiet for a moment before the woman spoke up.
“That’s so sad. I lost my man and my brother.” Her tone was flat.
Dr. Stanley did the normal tight-lipped nod after someone shared a loss. “Would you like to share about them?”
She looked down at her beautifully crafted red nails. “I miss them both very much. And I gotta stay strong for them both. I’ll make them proud.”
“Were they together when it happened?” Dr. Stanley pressed on.
She finally looked up, her face almost bored. “Yes. They were.”
Dr. Stanley continued. “How are you coping?”
“I’m seeking justice.”
Dr. Stanley waited a beat, then said, “That can be important for healing. Although the wounds don’t always heal completely, justice can provide a certain level of closure.”
Lydia gave a forced smile. The doctor asked if anyone else had anything to share.
After one other person spoke a little about the week they had and some ways they kept themselves grounded, our time was up. Everyone stood, some lingering by the refreshments. We learned last week to have coffee before we came.
“Did you want to talk to the doctor before we take off?” Linny asked.
I threaded my arm through hers. “No, I have an appointment with her next week already. No need to be social. Plus, Leigh said he’d come in after us if we took too long.”
We walked through the door and I noticed Lydia standing near the front, still inside. As we passed, I gave her a tight-lipped smile with a quick nod.
She didn’t smile back or say anything, but she looked at us both. Linny tugged at my arm and we left through the front door.
“What was her problem?” Linny asked. “Whew. That wind is picking up.”
Looking up at the sky, I said, “I dunno. Grief does weird things to people. Looks like a storm is coming. It’s still that time.”
“Still get a lot of storms this time of year?”
“Did you not?” I asked. “I didn’t think Georgia was much different than here.”
She shrugged as we got closer to the truck and Leigh was already waiting by my door. “I guess so, actually. We had plenty of thunderstorms even through November sometimes. And some tropical storms hit later in the season after hurricanes hit the gulf. Just my first fall here.”
Leigh pushed off the truck then pulled both doors open. “How was it, ladies?”
“Not bad,” Linny said as she climbed in.
“I still didn’t participate much,” I told him as he kissed my forehead.
“Hop in. I need to get y’all to the clubhouse.”
He shut the door then walked around to his side. I looked up the weather and sure enough, a storm was rolling in. “Bruce is gonna be nervous.”
“He’ll be alright.” Leigh looked up at the sky through the windshield. “If it’s bad out later, though, I may not have to go out.”
He put his hand out for me. Looking back out the window, I hoped a storm did come and stay, at least through the night. That way, he could stay curled up with me.
Glancing over at the door to the center as Leigh pulled away, I recounted that odd interaction. People act all sorts of ways when they’re grieving. I shouldn’t be judgy because I didn’t know her story, but Lydia didn’t seem very torn up, or even withdrawn like me.
And the comment about justice didn’t sit right with me. She didn’t say she hoped to bring the killers to justice. She said she was seeking justice. The stare-down in the hall only added to the feeling that something was off about her. I just didn’t know what.