35. The Bigger Picture
35
THE BIGGER PICTURE
“C an I help you?” Charlotte asked when she opened the door ten days later. There was a woman on the porch and she wasn’t able to get a good enough view of who it was by her camera.
“Charlotte.” It was Foster’s mother.
Crap. She wouldn’t have answered if she’d realized that.
“Aileen,” she said. “I didn’t know you were in town.”
“I figured as much,” Aileen said, moving into the house, not waiting to see if she’d be invited. Not that she’d tell Foster’s mother no.
“It’s nice to meet you in person,” she said.
“You don’t have to pretend with me,” Aileen said. “I know there are problems with you and Foster.”
Her shoulders dropped. “He told you?”
“Nope. He hasn’t talked to one person in over a week.”
“I thought he didn’t talk to his family much,” she said.
“He texts or emails rather than talks. He’s not even doing that. He’s holed up in his office or on his boat. He only replies if he absolutely has to and even then it’s hours later and one or two word responses. I know my son.”
“Then you know he’s stubborn,” she said. “Please. Make yourself at home. Can I get you something to drink?”
“I’m fine,” Aileen said. “I am staying at West’s this weekend and drove here. Thankfully I knew where you lived and didn’t have to let anyone know what I was doing.”
She smiled. “I bet Foster knows,” she said.
“Because he hasn’t talked to anyone, he doesn’t even know I’m in town,” Aileen said. “His loss. But then I’ll have the element of surprise on my hands to kick his butt. Just tell me what he did wrong.”
“Why do you think it’s him?” she asked. “Maybe it’s me.”
Aileen laughed. “Sweetheart, you just gave me the answer I needed. You defended him. That tells me whatever is going on, you might not want it to be, but you’re afraid it’s happening due to something you did.”
“I asked for some space. He’s giving it to me. I haven’t heard from him since I asked for it the Friday before last.”
“Oh, that had to sting for him. The timing of it all.”
She wasn’t sure why Aileen was smirking. “What happened?”
“I was talking to Foster that day. He hung up with me to leave early and go on the boat. I asked how things were going with you two after what happened with your ex. He said they were great. Couldn’t be better.”
“And then I hit him with wanting space,” she said.
Maybe that was why he was staying away.
Or he was so clueless that he had no idea what was going on and it was for the best that she’d done what she had.
She wasn’t going to be complacent in another relationship.
She did deserve better.
Even if she felt like crap.
“He should understand more than anyone what it’s like to need time to think things through,” Aileen said.
“I thought so too. I wonder how much time he normally needs.”
“Have you figured out what you needed to?” Aileen asked.
“No,” she said.
“But you’re miserable having the space when you were happy before and now you are doubting asking for it?”
“Ding, ding, ding,” she said. “And I feel guilty talking to you about this.”
“Don’t feel guilty,” Aileen said. “I had to repair all of my kids’ relationships at some point or another.”
“I heard what you did with Laken and Jamie,” she said.
“I like you a lot,” Aileen said. “That you aren’t even afraid to say that to me. My son, he needs someone to tell him like it is.”
Which only added more guilt on her shoulders. “He says I confuse him.”
“Of course you do,” Aileen said. “Foster is all about facts and data in front of him. He’s been like that his whole life. And when things don’t add up the way they should or he gets overwhelmed, he needs to step back to look at the bigger picture.”
“I thought it was to breathe,” she said.
“That too. He used to get frustrated easily. All my children have different traits and I tried to let them be who they are.”
“And he worries I doubt he is who he is,” she said. “Which is how he gets confused. Even the last time we talked it came up again. But I don’t doubt who he is. I know. I like who he is. We talked about it over a month ago when I worried he’d changed for me. I don’t want that of him.”
“What did he say?” Aileen asked.
“He said he hadn’t changed. That he felt he was who he always was and liked that I knew and understood that. That I accepted it.”
“Do you accept it?” Aileen asked. “Or were you just saying that to him?”
“I do accept it. I haven’t doubted it since we talked. I’ve even told him a few times. I was surprised he brought it up again.”
“Is that the reason you needed space from him?” Aileen asked. “Because he doubts that you are saying what you are? You can tell me to mind my own business. You won’t be the first person to say it.”
If Aileen wasn’t grinning, she might have.
No, she wouldn’t.
She couldn’t be that person.
She didn’t think it meant she would get walked over either.
Aileen was here to help and right now she needed all the help she could get because she might have blown it.
“I think I could have communicated better than I did,” she said. “Or why I needed space. It wasn’t for that reason.”
“Can I ask what the reason was? Foster might think it’s because of what happened with Landon.”
“It’s definitely not that,” she said quickly. “Foster hasn’t told me he loves me.”
Aileen frowned. “He told me.”
“He told you he loves me?” she asked.
“Well, I said a few times that he’s in love and he’s agreed. Or he adds to what I’ve said.”
“Yep,” she said. “He agrees. Or says he feels the same way.”
“Oh,” Aileen said. “He hasn’t said the actual words back to you? Not once?”
“No,” she said. “And maybe some women would say I’m crazy because I need to hear them.”
“You are not crazy and don’t think that. You should hear the words. Every woman should or they are the ones to doubt it.”
“That’s the funny part,” she said. “I don’t doubt his love.”
“Okay,” Aileen said. “Don’t take offense to this. But now I’m confused.”
“And this goes back to my communication skills. I thought I was better at them. Or I was trying to be. My whole life, I’ve always been the one to back down. The one to just go along with things rather than speak up.”
“I don’t get that impression from Foster. He wouldn’t like being with someone who doesn’t speak their mind.”
“Oh, I speak it with him. And he knows I’m different with him than I have been with other men. I think that is why I love him so much. But deep down, I know he’s holding back. I don’t know why. If he wasn’t holding back, wouldn’t he say those words to me?”
Aileen nodded. “It could be that. I’m not going to profess to say for sure. Or it could be he isn’t even thinking of it. That he figures you know how he feels and that is enough. It’s not right on his end, but it’s possible. You won’t know if you don’t talk to him.”
“I figured that out myself. But then I worry he might say it to me because I want to hear it and it’s put me in this pickle that I don’t like being in.”
“That is a sticky situation,” Aileen said. “But if you don’t talk it out, you won’t know anything. Are you willing to risk what you’ve got because you’re afraid to find out what you need to know?”
“No,” she said. “It’s just so hard to take that first step.”
Especially when it felt like she was always the one doing it.