Chapter 7
EVERYTHING WENT WELL
Arden didn’t feel as if she could grip two-way tape right now.
Scheduled visitation was canceled yesterday when it was always on Saturday. It was no fault of their own.
Their normal court appointed worker had an emergency and they had to decide if they wanted a stand-in or to reschedule for Sunday.
Billy was indifferent, which she could take two ways.
One, that he was only doing these visits because he was forced to.
Two, that he was being accommodating to get them ended sooner.
The truth was always somewhere in between. But rather than getting them off their weekend schedules, she agreed to do it on Sunday and put all her errands off until today.
“Have fun today with Dad.” She dropped Gracie off at their agreed upon setting. It changed most weeks, depending on where Billy wanted it to be. He could choose a place to interact with Gracie for the time to go by faster and that was what they did. The bowling alley.
“I like bowling,” Gracie said. “I picked it.”
Her daughter would have fun and it’d take her mind off of the fact that she could only visit her father when there was a third party present.
It was about Gracie, Arden reminded herself every time she had to do this.
“Then I’m glad your father is doing this for you. Give me a kiss. There is Ms. Julie.”
She didn’t see Billy anywhere, but he still had ten minutes. Billy had never not shown up, and if he didn’t, they’d call her back. It didn’t serve any purpose to stand around waiting and work her ex up.
With three hours to kill, she had a list of shopping to do and went into a home goods place. If she hadn’t moved thirty minutes away, she would have just gone home like she used to, but now it’d be a waste to do that and come back again.
After eating lunch alone, and knowing that Billy would feed Gracie, she headed back to the bowling alley with fifteen minutes to spare.
It was too hot to sit in her car with the sun beating down on her, even with the AC on, so she got out and went inside. She’d just stay out of sight.
But when she went in, she could see them right away, as there was nowhere to hide, so she watched her daughter get up and push the ball down the ramp, then jump up and down in excitement when it knocked over three pins.
The second ball got two more pins.
Billy got up and threw the ball down with more force than she thought was necessary, but she’d not say a word.
He turned and caught sight of her, then tapped his watch.
She shrugged and motioned that she was staying back.
She didn’t understand the big deal, but turned to find the bathroom and walked away.
When she came out, she took her place to the side so Gracie wouldn’t see her and they could finish their last frame together.
Billy was talking to Julie so she assumed it was to let her know Arden was here.
The game ended, and they returned their shoes. Billy gave Gracie a high five and her daughter seemed much happier than she’d been in a while for a visit.
“You’re early and infringing on my time with my daughter,” Billy hissed when he walked closer to her. Not loud enough for anyone to hear, especially Julie, who would report anything.
Her heart hammered away like it was prone to do.
“I’m sorry. Since I’ve got further to drive for this, I had to kill the time and got done early. It’s too hot to sit in the car. If you’re going to put up a stink about it, I won’t do it next time. But Gracie looked as if she was having fun.”
“That’s why you came in. So you can try to start shit with me.”
She let out a sigh, her shoulders tensing when it was the last thing she wanted. Or the last thing she wanted him to see. “No. I’m not. I never start anything. You do, just like now. And Gracie is watching along with Julie. Is that what you want?”
She held the smile on her face for her daughter’s sake, but any idiot could see what she was feeling by looking into her eyes.
“You’re just itching to get this pulled from me too.”
Maybe she was, but she’d never admit that.
Or maybe it had more to do with how much she detested the way she felt now.
Around him. Around any man who raised their voice.
Who spoke out of turn.
Who looked as if they might lose any scrap of control they had.
“Don’t make a scene. Consider this a good day because it looks as if Gracie had one. Just be civil for her.”
Billy turned his head. “Come give me a hug, Gracie.”
Her daughter hesitated, but she nodded her head. Just another thing that pissed Billy off. She couldn’t control Gracie’s feelings of fear or wanting to see if it was okay with her mother watching. Nor would she force anything.
If Gracie didn’t want to hug her father, she wouldn’t have looked for approval first. Her daughter would have just shaken her head and stayed where she was.
“Did you have fun with Dad?” she asked.
“I did. Thank you, Dad.”
“You’re welcome,” Billy said, his tone much gentler, some might even say tender. The man could be a nice guy. Or he was before drugs and alcohol messed up their lives and marriage. “I’ll be in touch about the next visit.”
Arden nodded and moved close to Julie. “Looks as if everything went well.”
They waited inside while Billy left. They’d leave a few minutes after so they could talk in the parking lot away from others.
“It went well,” Julie said.
“Can I play a video game, Mom?”
She pulled her wallet out, found a dollar and handed it over for her to get tokens, then play where they could see her.
“Gracie mentioned Billy stopped at the house this week? Your new place?”
She sighed. She had hoped her daughter wouldn’t say that but couldn’t very well ask her not to. Gracie had to talk and say what felt right to her and, regardless of what her ex thought, she wasn’t guiding the words out of a six-year-old’s mouth.
“He did.”
“Why wasn’t it reported?”
“Because it wasn’t a big deal. He didn’t see Gracie. It was to talk to me.”
She’d downplay it as much as she could. For now. Because making a bigger deal about it would only draw things out. Would only escalate them further.
Today proved that Billy was trying so she’d do the same. It was her problem. Her reactions to what he’d done.
“Is everything okay?”
She had to be honest. Lying wasn’t in her nature.
“He has a girlfriend. He’d like this woman, Tina, to meet Gracie. I said no. That’s out of the question right now.”
“He could have called you for that,” Julie said. “There are protocols and procedures in place.”
“He could have and I pointed it out, but I think he hoped to appeal to my softer side.”
One she’d had for years while she gave him chance after chance. She didn’t give that freely now.
“Is this something you’re considering?”
“No. First, I have to do what is best for Gracie, not some woman I don’t know. I know nothing about this woman. She might be a wonderful person. So please, don’t think I’m being negative.”
“I understand.”
“But she is a stranger in my daughter’s life. I understand once supervised visitations are lifted at some point, he might be free to do that.”
Even if their custody agreement might state otherwise. Right now, she had to meet anyone introduced to Gracie, but that could change in the future, if Billy wanted to pay to have it changed.
“I’m only concerned with the here and now,” Julie said. “Gracie didn’t seem upset over it, but she brought it up to me before Billy got here when I asked how her new house was. She said her father stopped but she didn’t get to show him her room.”
“If there was anything to worry about, I would have reported it,” she said. “I promise. He stopped me in my driveway and he was in the parking lot. I was bringing groceries in and we talked. Nothing more. Gracie opened the door and I told her to close it.”
“He’s not supposed to have contact with you in person.”
“I don’t have a restraining order against him.”
“Maybe you should get one,” Julie said.
“If I thought it was needed, I’d do it. He’s been clean for nine months. I do believe that. Unless you think otherwise?”
“He’s been attending his counseling and groups. I haven’t heard or seen anything that says otherwise.”
“Okay.”
“He was only ever violent under the influence. Since then, it’s been more about losing control in his life. I know how to handle him. He’s never hurt me physically before.”
Just emotionally.
He’d destroy things in the house, he’d scream, yell, break things when they fought; he’d put his fist through walls, and he’d terrify their daughter.
Did they always fight when he was drunk or high? No, because she knew enough to stay away and keep the peace and tackle those issues when he was sober.
But the more he drank, the fewer chances she had to deal with it, until it was the only state he was ever in.
That was no life for any of them.
“Gracie was afraid of him for a good year,” Julie said.
“I know. I have to live with that. Do you think she still is?”
“I think she’s opening up with him. She’s having fun. He’s showing her the father he used to be even when he’s impatient.”
“Impatient how?” Her radar was binging in her ears.
“Not with Gracie, with the situation. He wasn’t happy that you were early.”
“I understand. I should have stayed outside, but I was trying not to be seen. I won’t make that mistake again. It’s the first time since I’ve moved and couldn’t return home to wait.”
“I told him it was fine. You didn’t interfere and he has to remember that. It’s no different than if he had shown up fifteen minutes earlier than it would start. If he stays off to the side, it’s acceptable if he’s not causing chaos.”
She wouldn’t be surprised if Billy didn’t show up early in two weeks. She wouldn’t say a word and would try to convince herself it was because he was eager for the time with his daughter and not a way to get even.
“His visit wasn’t a big deal and I took care of it. Did Gracie seem upset when she brought it up?”
“No,” Julie said. “But I needed to ask.”
“Is there anything else?” She looked over to see Gracie’s game ending.
“I think we are good. She had a great time, and I see things progressing. I hoped that him showing up at your place didn’t set that back.”
“It didn’t,” she lied. Because she couldn’t let it be that way if Billy was really trying.
He used to be a nice guy. Years ago.
But the man she fell in love with was long gone and no amount of saying he changed was going to wipe away what she’d endured or what she refused to put her daughter through again.