Chapter Fifteen
Kenyon
The cool air of the early morning held a chill, with droplets sticking to the leaves of the shrubs out front.
We didn’t have a lot of plants, given that our place was so close to those on either side, meaning we didn’t have room for much in the way of gardening.
Still, as soon as we’d moved in years before, I’d put pots along the steps out front, lining the walkway with terracotta containers of herbs and veggies.
I’d have loved to have an entire yard worth of plants, but because of the way the others felt about even camping, I didn’t think my future included homesteading.
I still recalled the time we’d gone to find a monster hidden in a national park, when we’d tracked it long enough that we’d had to spend the night out there.
I’d never forget the way Ingram bitched, having grown up as a city boy, used to having access to all the niceties there. Even Carter had complained about the lack of a comfy bed.
Shear hadn’t said anything, but it didn’t take a mentalist to read his unhappiness.
That was okay, though. I’d accepted that being part of a squad like this would require sacrifices, would mean trying to work together to form a future.
Maybe I was better than others at accepting that because of my position, because my entire power had to do with taking care of others.
I could put some of my own wants aside for general peace.
That meant rushing into a fight with few offensive skills, trusting the others to protect me as I tried my best to keep them alive.
It also meant putting plants on the front steps of our place because we weren’t going to get fifty acres and a bunch of chickens.
If it was Ingram or Carter saying anything, they’d say I was too stupid to be unhappy.
Maybe there was some truth to that, as well. I just never saw a reason to think about things too deeply. It never got me anywhere good.
“How are the kiddos?” Carter’s voice had me looking up and smiling.
He could get under my skin, of course, but he was a brother to me, someone who had gone through hell right by my side. It meant I didn’t mind being around him.
“Good.” I touched one of the leaves. “I think it’s going to get cold early this year, though, so we might lose a couple of them.”
He came over and sat on the top step beside me.
He was usually smiling, which made it challenging to identify what he actually thought about beneath that false exterior.
Still, he’d gained my trust enough that I didn’t worry.
He’d tell me what he wanted to tell me, eventually.
“We’ve got a dungeon we’re going to have to do in a few days. ”
“Rank A, right?”
He nodded, his gaze on one of the hot burrito pepper plants I grew every year, a few green peppers hanging there, white petals from the flowers still clinging to the fruit. “We’ll be going in with the other squad, so we need to make sure we’re all good.”
And just like that, I got the point he was angling for. “So guiding, huh?”
He snorted softly. “That’s the plan.”
I peered over my shoulder at the house, as though I could see the woman we spoke of even through the walls. “She’s different.”
“Yeah, she is. It’s one reason I was making sure we’re all on the same page. Her guiding…it’s something else.”
“Yeah?” I wasn’t sure what he meant by that. I’d had guiding by the lowest ranks and the highest, and other than the amount they could do, I hadn’t felt much difference between them. It was like eating the same candy, just more or less of it. “How so?”
“I don’t know. It feels different, like the corruption just pulls out, like it rushes to leave. It’s intoxicating.”
That got my attention.
Corruption tore at the esper it rested inside, growing and clawing and fighting to take over.
There wasn’t a moment in an esper’s life—after becoming one—when they got a full reprieve from those feelings.
Even guiding, which felt good, didn’t fully remove the problem and often, the corruption seemed to fight first, like draining an abscess.
It hurt, but there was a relief to it as well.
The way Carter talked about it felt different, though, like it was the best sensation he’d ever experienced.
And I really wanted to feel it myself. Even though I didn’t fight people for the most part, that didn’t change the way the corruption accumulated inside of me, the way it took over and festered. Getting a break from that sounded fantastic.
Then I recalled the way she pulled back, the distrust in her eyes when she looked at any of us.
Right.
No matter how good we thought the guiding was, it didn’t matter if she put the brakes on like that.
“Do you think she’ll make it long?” I asked, hating the question as soon as I uttered it. I didn’t like the idea of her leaving, as though she’d already worked her way into my life.
“She’s flighty, but she’s stubborn, too. It’s normally not a great combination—tends to be pretty annoying—but somehow she pulls it off. The better question is whether we want her to make it long.”
I turned my head to give him a side-eye. “Why wouldn’t we? If her guiding is that good, and she’s an S-Rank who will work with us, what’s the problem?”
Carter scooted down two steps, then leaned back, placing his elbows on the top step.
It was the sort of time he was deceptively casual, as though none of this meant a thing to him.
“We’ve stayed out of the way for a long time, and taking in a guide with the problems she has? Seems pretty complicated.”
I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what he meant and not liking it one bit. He wanted me to understand that we’d sworn off connections like that, didn’t want to become responsible for anything, and taking on a full-time guide with the problems she had was taking on one hell of a connection.
I knew that, understood exactly what he meant, but it didn’t stop me from disliking it. Agreeing to something was one thing, but having to accept the reality of the choice was another.
Even I could think logically from time to time, and I knew the dangers of having someone with us all the time.
“You know what happened last time,” Carter said, his voice soft. “Come on, Ken, didn’t you learn your lesson then? Remember what happened? All the backlash?”
I blew out a long breath, that old pain coming back.
Yeah, I sure as hell remembered. Usually, I worked hard to ignore press, never gave a damn about what people said. I’d never craved fame, never wanted accolades or people talking about me. The work was reward enough, so those things hadn’t mattered.
Not mattering when they were absent was a lot different from what happened when they turned on you, though.
“So what are you suggesting? Because we need her to stay on the Guild’s good side.”
“I’m not suggesting anything. Just pointing out facts.”
I narrowed my eyes. A few things always proved true, and one of them was that Carter always had a plan. He never did or said anything without good reason. He liked to pretend he was an idiot, that he went with the flow, but after so many years together, I knew better.
“You always have a plan.”
Carter smirked, that look an answer all its own. “Tonight, Yun will guide the three of you.”
“Not you?”
“I’ve already had my turn. Three might be too much for her already, so we’ll keep it easy.”
“Does she know about this?”
Something shattered upstairs, drawing my focus that way.
“Pretty sure Ingram just told her.”
Wonderful.