Chapter Seventeen
Ingram
Fuck.
That was all I could think as Yun began guiding, as the corruption moved from me to her. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before.
That clawing, desperate need inside me lessened, and for a moment I actually felt an entirely foreign sense of contentment.
That darkness had quieted, lulled to peace, tamed by this little spit of a guide?
And with that silence, with that peace, another hunger woke.
But this was different.
Normally, when I wanted to indulge in another person, it was to lose myself, to bury myself in their warmth since I had none of my own.
It was a craving I couldn’t ignore, a way to rid myself of everything about me I hated.
It was to silence that gnawing, growing darkness that prowled beneath my skin.
However, this felt different.
It was a strangely natural pull, almost teasing, oddly seductive.
Was this what normal people felt? This sort of desire? Was this the sort of typical back and forth that couples experienced? It was nice in a way I couldn’t identify with.
I opened my eyes, staring at her, trying to gain some understanding of this woman who confounded me constantly. She was braver than she appeared, willing to do this, even when everything about her said she didn’t want to.
Why?
I couldn’t help but wonder about the reasoning behind it. What caused the fear that swarmed her? Why did she act that way? Why didn’t she let it take over, either?
She was like one big enigma, and worse? I lacked Shear’s powers, the ability to crawl right into her head. I was death—something crafted for the singular purpose of ending life. I could get in close and pull the living force of any creature—monster, human, esper—nothing more.
It meant I had no way of working out why she was different, why this felt so strange. And for the first time, I really wanted to understand.
That hunger inside me, though, the one that couldn’t help but crave more, always more, eased for this short time.
What would it feel like to get closer? If guiding felt this amazing just like this, what if I sought more? What if I grasped her hips and pulled her against me, got her to spread those pretty legs of hers around my hips?
She was tough, even if she didn’t look it, so would she pull back? Would she go rigid? Or would she melt against me, give in to me, go along with anything I wanted?
“Stop it,” she whispered, voice low enough I wasn’t sure it carried any farther than me.
At least, it might not have in a group of humans, but with espers? She might as well have used a bullhorn to announce it.
Not that I gave a fuck. I had no shame anymore, so I’d have happily fucked her in the middle of this room with a full audience without a second thought.
I’d done worse, after all, and if there was anyone I didn’t give a damn about seeing my bare ass, it was the other men in my squad.
We’d seen each other at far lower points than this.
However, it was almost adorable the way she tried, made me want to tease her. “Stop what?” I asked, mirroring my voice to hers, matching her tone.
“You know what. You think I can’t tell what you’re thinking?”
A bond formed when guiding, no matter how limited or transient. It caused the two to react to each other, and for some, it allowed a certain level of information exchange, a general sense of the other and their emotions.
Some guides were more sensitive to it, and the fact that Yun picked it up said she was likely one of them.
Or maybe it’s just me?
I didn’t mind that idea one bit. It was fucking nice to think that she gave a damn about me, that she felt a pull toward me.
Her cheeks flushed, and it made me wonder where else her skin would turn pink.
Would it extend down her neck, her chest?
Some women got red damn near all over, and I wanted to see that with her, to put it to the test. I was pretty sure that even if she didn’t naturally turn that pretty shade, I could bring up some color over the curve of her ass with my palm.
Which had me groaning as my cock ached, rigid against the metal teeth of my zipper.
Carter would kick my ass if I tried to take it out right now, to stroke myself as she guided me, but fuck, I wanted to. Carter had given me enough talks about when my dick could make an appearance, and I was pretty sure now was not one of the acceptable times.
Instead, I focused on her, on the way she pulled air in through her nose with breaths shorter than normal, a sure sign of her own reaction. I couldn’t quite tell if she reacted directly to me or not, but I didn’t think I cared that much.
Whether it was because of me or just the guiding, she was getting off on it.
I dropped my gaze to find her nipples pebbled against her shirt like the prettiest lures I’d ever seen.
Well, well…
“You don’t want me thinking that because you got some interest?” I made a show of letting my gaze linger there.
She didn’t cross her arms, didn’t hide the evidence. She was probably too smart, knew damn well that it wouldn’t make a bit of difference. It was adorable for her to think she could hide shit from me, at least when it came to this.
Anything deeper?
Fuck, I didn’t have a clue.
But the way her leg trembled, just a bit, the hitch in her breath now and then, it all was a language I’d spent a lifetime getting fluent in.
“You don’t know anything,” she answered.
“Pretty fucking sure I do. Bet you if I slid right down between those thighs of yours, if I took off those god-awful pants you’re wearing, I’d find you drenched.”
Even as we spoke, the guiding never stopped, never slowed. In fact, it amazed me that she seemed to not even have to concentrate on it. It flowed into her without thought or effort.
Normally, back and forth like ours would cause a slowdown, even a break, but the corruption left me and entered her at the same rate—picking up speed slightly, if anything.
“Well, it’s not like you’ll ever find out.”
Not denying it, huh? Interesting.
“You sure about that? Come on, Flicker, I promise I’m good at it. Fuck knows, you’ll enjoy it.”
“Flicker?”
“You don’t like it?” I smirked at the nickname, at how perfectly it fit her. That’s what she was, just a tiny little spark in the darkness, just a flicker of something in the endless blackness that existed. So easy to catch, so easy to see, to find, to snuff out.
The press of her lips into a thin, flat line told me her opinion.
Not that I gave a fuck. A nickname wasn’t about pleasing the other person, it was about a name that fit whether or not they found it appealing.
“Do you think of nothing but sex?” she asked me.
“I think about killing, too.”
Something like that would scare off most women—except the ones who said yes to me out of some weird fucking fetish, the sort who would have loved if I’d shown up with glowing eyes and covered in monster blood. Yun, however, didn’t so much as flinch.
“So you’re just a pervert, then?”
“Basically. Still, it’s not so bad. Think about it. You want to go skydiving? You want an expert. You want a fun time, you go find yourself a willing pervert—and, Flicker, I’m really fucking willing.”
She rolled her eyes, but that didn’t hide the reaction her body screamed loud and fucking clear.
Every bit of her was a lewd come-and-get-it, even if she didn’t mean it to be.
She leaned in, her tongue wetting her bottom lip, batting those long, pretty lashes of hers.
Even her scent drew me in, promising something exquisite.
Fuck, I wanted to lap at her cunt until we were both too tired to give a damn about anything else.
I wanted her fingers wrapped in my hair, urging me forward, my arms curled around her thighs, around her hips, holding her still for my meal.
I’d never felt like this.
Lust? Sure. Usually because it was a way to quiet that unending hunger inside of me, but it was like wanting saltines because I didn’t want to throw up. This was deeper, more pointed, a ravenous need for her.
And just as my body moved, as I shifted forward to do what I was pretty fucking sure we both wanted, a hand came to rest on my shoulder, breaking the spell.
Fucking Carter.
If it were anyone else, I might have ignored them, but not Carter. That fucker was one of the few who could stop me—permanently—if I didn’t listen and fall in line.
I shuddered, wrangling control back from that precarious edge I teetered on. Right, I needed to stay focused. This was a long game, not a short one.
And given the way Yun stared at me, the way desire flickered in her eyes just like her new nickname, I knew the game would get me where I wanted, eventually.