Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
Hack
Walking out of the underground prison should have been a relief. In any other circumstance, I would have celebrated the event with my brothers. After all, survival is a basic instinct.
But as I step out into The Shade where the light is clearer and the air cleaner, all I feel is complete and utter despair.
And guilt.
Since Sage’s death, I’ve been confronted with all of the stages of grief—denial and anger being at the top of the list. All but one…acceptance. Never before have I been okay with losing her and this time around is no different. Actually, it is. It’s worse. Hope made it worse.
“You look like shit.” I ignore Slash’s attempt at getting a rise out of me. And to be fair, I’m sure I look worse than shit.
“Shut the fuck up.” Pierce punches Slash’s shoulder blade but it’s useless when dealing with a pain whore. It’s more of an incentive than a deterrent.
“What day is it?” I’m curious to know how long it’s been since I’ve showered.
“September seventh. Been almost two weeks.” Pierce’s voice is low, almost a whisper, as if it will make it easier to swallow the news. I don’t care about the prison time or the torture.
It’s been two weeks since I lost her. It’s like mere seconds have passed and yet it feels like an eternity.
“What happened at the trial?” My memories of the last two weeks are a lot like an old, degraded movie reel where some of the scenes are cut or melted away. I have flashes coming in and out of consciousness and without any will to live, my brain didn’t care to pay attention.
“Dei Samhain happened. Let’s just say he was very convincing.” I have a feeling Pierce is saving the most important information for later, once I’m able and ready to listen.
Little does he know that deep inside, I have zero fucks to give about any of it.
I’m just going through the motions. I’ll do my job, I’ll make sure Samhain thinks I’m grateful and I’ll pretend I’m the Hack before Sage.
But in the privacy of my own mind, I’ll curse the entire universe for taking her away.
Maybe in a few decades, if I’m lucky, I’ll run into another version of Aiyana. No doubt I’ll love her just the same but for the first time, that thought doesn’t bring me solace because no matter what the future holds, she’ll never be Sage.
“I need to wash up.” I keep walking, setting my sights on our building and hoping to stand under the shower for hours, maybe days. Hell, if I could, I’d stay there for decades until I find the new version of Aiyana.
In the back of my mind, a little voice stabs me with the truth again.
It won’t be Sage. Sage is gone. My logical mind knows they’re all a variant of the original, my first love.
My fated mate. But I can’t help feeling as though Sage was different.
Somehow, with her it was like the first time. Better, even.
“Good. Take a shower, get some Drakethorne Volcano dust on those wounds and let’s get back to work.
” Of my three brothers, Slay is the only one true to himself.
He’s not trying to baby me or make me smile.
He knows that the only way for me to walk through the desert of pain is to set my compass for my destination.
Today, my north is a date with a shower and D.V. dust then a ride on Cirrus as we collect souls.
Which reminds me…
“Where is she?” There’s a collective intake of breaths with my question.
That means there’s a problem and none of them wanted me to know.
I close my eyes for a brief moment, erasing my tunnel vision and squashing the part of me that still feels alive, then turn to my brothers, who look guilty as hell. Even Slay.
I’m guessing someone fucked up. Still, no matter what it is, it can’t be worse than her death.
“How about we talk logistics once you’re feeling a little less…dead.” Pierce is being his usual diplomat but my curiosity has been piqued and nothing will deter me from getting information.
“Speak.” We’ve just reached the alley parallel to the Library. It’s bustling with kyn from all horizons but I don’t give a fuck. If there’s something that I need to know about Sage, then I don’t wait.
“After you were arrested, she was taken by the Keepers, her soul and body. We’re not sure if they performed a ceremony or not.” Pierce has difficulty looking me in the eye.
“I handed her to you for a reason.” I’m surprised to feel anger instead of emptiness, that’s a good sign, right? “Where’s her body?”
“According to Dei Samhain, she was cremated shortly after the Keepers took her.” Slay doesn’t mince words and I appreciate that about him, but the sudden spear of pain in my chest has me questioning myself.
“Okay.” I stare through Slay, not really seeing him even though my eyes are trained on him. “Let’s get to work.”
I shower, dust myself down—feeling the healing effect almost immediately—then I sleep. Not in my bed, of course, I can’t bring myself to go into that room just yet. The last time I was there I was worshipping every inch of my chosen.
As I sit on the couch, Slash comes up from his first floor apartment with a bottle of single malt.
“Thought you might need this.” I look him over, noticing he’s completely healed up.
“You look better than the last time I saw you.” He nods at my assessment, it’s needless to tell me he covered himself in dust and let it heal.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there.” As if it’s his fault that some stupid fucking vampyre needed to show his dominance by fucking with an elf.
“Not your burden to carry.” It’s mine, always has been, always will be.
“She was so close to her birthday, it’s fucking ridiculous.” He’s right. It’s ridiculous that the Moirai could even stand for this kind of cruelty. “Almost like it’s programmed.”
“It’s fate, pure and simple. I should stop looking for her in the future, ignore the calling. It only leads to more death. Every fucking time.” I know damn well that my need for her will override any logic I throw at myself.
Slash pours two glasses, each already has an ice cube inside, then hands one to me.
“I got us all registered at the fights, figured you could use an outlet.” I shrug. My misery is my only outlet but maybe getting inside a ring will speed shit along. After all, I haven’t been at my gym since Sage came into my life.
“Thanks.” The amber liquid burns as it goes down. Whiskey laced with a small layer of pixie dust is our go-to drug here. The mixture creates a buzz, and without the dust, the whiskey has zero effect. “When is it?”
“Tomorrow night.” I nod, finish off my whiskey, and place the glass on the coffee table.
“Wake me up for work.” It’s all I say before I stretch out on the couch and close my eyes.
“Rest, brother.” Then he’s gone and so am I, falling into a shallow sleep filled with agonizing dreams of mismatched eyes drowning in tears.
Slay made sure we had souls to collect. After all these centuries training our lackeys and marshals, our mission has shifted. When we go out there, it’s usually to collect the souls that tend to evade us.
Today, it’s just about keeping me busy. I get it and I appreciate their efforts, but let’s be honest, no amount of work or distraction will erase the invasive memories of Sage’s death.
I go through the motions, approaching the souls and capturing them in my palm where they stay the whole way back to The Shade.
As luck, or lack thereof, would have it, the portals ended up being close to each of our destinations, which made the morning fly by faster than anyone could have anticipated.
“Well that was a bust.” Slash echoes my thoughts. So much for keeping the mind busy.
“It’s fine. There’s nothing out there that’s going to make me forget, so after tonight’s fight, let’s just go back to normal.” I appreciate their efforts but I’d rather sulk and lick my wounds in the privacy of my room.
Well, fuck. I can’t sleep in my room because her scent is still there, sweet and musky and all her.
“Good idea. Go back to normal and in a couple of decades, you’ll find her again.
” Slay sounds almost relieved at my suggestion.
Feelings aren’t his strong suit on a good day, but with Sage it was different because he was very fond of her.
In fact, he adored Aiyana too. Throughout her lives, they’d formed a special bond of friendship.
Every other time she’d come back, they’d continued their friendship right where they’d left off as soon as enough of her memories came back.
With Sage, it was stunted by the fucking hate hex.
I lost so much time because of that. Maybe I’ll focus all of my energy on finding who put it on her so I can massacre them.
Rip off every single limb then cauterize the wound so I can rip more of them apart.
And I think I’ll start with Baba Yaga since she’s got the means, and from the way she attacked me that night in Alaska, she seems to also have the motive.
Lost in my revenge fantasy, I don’t hear whatever it is that my brothers are saying.
“Hack!” Slash snaps his fingers and my attention comes back to the here and now.
“What?”
“Your vines are going rogue.”
Blinking, I look down and, sure enough, my vines are already seeking out the culprit.
I rein them in and head for my bedroom. As I pack up a few things I’ll need to take back to Georgia, I make it a point to ignore the bed.
The ruffled sheets and the pillows half hanging off the sides.
I ignore my black T-shirt— thrown over the corner of the bed—she was wearing before she changed into a dress.
Mostly, I pretend I’m not suffocating every time I get a whiff of magnolias and fresh spring rain.
“Ready?” Pierce doesn’t come inside, acting as though it’s a sacred space. I suppose it is, in a way. I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to sleep here again.
“Yeah.” Zipping up the duffle bag, I sling it over my shoulder and walk out, refusing to take a last look over my shoulder.