Chapter 32
i’ve been thinking about you
HAYDEN
Wyatt showed up in a black BMW iX. Apparently, the label insisted.
I didn’t argue. They know best when it comes to protecting their artists.
The paparazzi are still waiting for a juicy shot, for a picture of me with the mysterious woman who’s carrying my child.
It’s been a day, but their presence outside my building is already pissing me off.
I drop my head back against the headrest, my hat pulled low.
When I woke up this morning and saw Glenn’s email, I was equal parts excited and terrified to listen to the final version of the album.
Riley’s presence, her delicious omelet, and her vulnerability colored my white kitchen with so many hues, I almost felt hopeful again.
I’ve never felt the kind of protectiveness that kicks in when she’s around.
My instincts to keep her safe, to make her happy, go into overdrive.
She makes everything lighter, more comfortable. I can fully breathe when she’s around.
I couldn’t have listened to the album with anyone else but her.
It was cathartic. Emotional. Gut-wrenching.
I was all over the place when “Never,” the reworked version of Owen’s song, played.
He wrote it himself, music and lyrics. Bo, Jimmy, and I added our parts, and I sang the last chorus, since Owen didn’t get it recorded before he left us.
I spent two weeks in the studio trying to get it right.
I wanted to kiss Riley so badly when she turned to me, clearly full of the same emotions that flooded me. To feel her lips on mine, her hot breath fanning over my cheek, her skin under my hands—I wanted all of her.
Then, Ines called. I should have been relieved to be interrupted. Instead, I’m full of regret. Not only because I didn’t get to kiss Riley, but because I left her all alone. Sure, she told me to, swearing she’d be fine, but her fake smile didn’t fool me for a second.
And yet, I’m in the car, heading to Ines’ place.
Fuck, I seriously need to be slapped upside the head.
Piper calls on the way, teasing me when I actually answer.
“Sorry about that.” I rub the back of my neck. “Yesterday was too much.”
She chuckles. “Tell me about it.” She takes a deep breath. “So, based on your text, it’s safe to say the news is true?”
My stomach clenches. “Yes.”
“Okay. When you’re ready to talk, I’m here for you. You know I’ll never judge you.”
Apprehension bubbles up inside me. Not even when she finds out I got her little sister pregnant? “I know,” I lie.
“Your mom is freaked out. After what happened with Owen, the news was a bit too much for her. She’s planning to fly out there.”
My heartbeat instantly spikes. “To New York?”
“Uh-huh.”
“Fuck. Please talk her out of it. Now isn’t the time.”
“Why not?”
“B-because this whole situation is complicated,” I ramble. “I don’t need my mom breathing down my neck while I’m trying to figure things out.”
“Who did you knock up? Is it a fan?”
The words it’s your little sister are on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them. Riley wants to wait until she’s twelve weeks along before announcing it to our families, and I want to respect that.
“It’s not a fan, not an ex.” I lick my dry lips. “I’ll tell you everything eventually, just not now.”
She huffs. “Fine. And don’t worry. Hunter doesn’t think it’s a good idea for your mom to go to New York right now either. We’ll talk her out of it.”
“Why does he think it’s a bad idea?”
“Because, and I quote, ‘Hayden is a grown-ass man. Let him deal with his shit himself. When he’s ready, he’ll talk to us.’”
Warmth spreads through my veins. I have the best brother in the world.
Ines opens the door right away, like she’s been waiting for me. Her eyes are red, but she smiles faintly as she steps aside to let me in.
“Hey.” I wrap her in a hug.
She hugs me back, sniffling into my chest. “I feel terrible for asking you to come, but…I couldn’t stop replaying the album.”
“That’s okay.” I take a step back. “Where’s Santi?”
“His nanny took him to the playground. I told him you’d meet him there later.”
I give her an encouraging smile. “I’m always down to play with your little man.”
Her body relaxes, her shoulders rounding. “Want a cup of coffee or some tea?”
“Just water is fine.”
While she fills a glass, I amble to the living room and sit on the couch.
“Thank you so much for letting me listen to the album.” Ines sits beside me and wrings her hands. “It’s like he’s here again.”
My heart twists painfully. “Yeah, I know what you mean.”
There’s not a trace of awkwardness, no underlying tension between us after the almost-kiss. It’s just us—Owen’s best friend and Owen’s wife. Six months after his death, we’re back to who we’ve always been to each other.
We talk about him—about the terrible jokes he used to make at rehearsals, about how he’d refuse to pose for pictures when he wanted to tease Ines, the way he’d drive Bo, Jimmy, and me crazy.
We talk about how he’d hum lullabies after Santi was born.
We’re so lost in our memories that for a second, it almost feels like he’ll walk through the door and sit on the couch with us, his curls falling into his eyes.
He’d hug Ines close and call her mi reina.
Then, he’d tell me not to fuck up the highest notes in “Ultimatum.”
I had my doubts about this album. I wasn’t sure I had it in me to go back to the studio, to play and sing again. But looking at Ines now, at how happy she is, despite her tears? It was the right decision.
“Enough about me,” she says, clapping once. “How are you?”
“I’m okay.” I shrug.
“Still planning to come to Santi’s birthday party on Saturday?”
I nod, fixing my focus on the wall where she hangs Santi’s drawings. They’re all a creative mess at best. One is of a little orange dog sitting on a blob that might be a couch, but I’m not sure. It looks like the dog Riley and I saw at the café. The Pomeranian.
An image of Riley pops into my head, and before I have time to think about what I’m saying, the words are already out: “I want you to meet someone.”
Ines arches an eyebrow. “Someone?”
I dip my chin, my heart suddenly racing. “Someone special.”
She tilts her head, her curly black hair falling over her shoulder, and a mischievous glint flashes in her eyes. “Could this special person be the woman the gossip sites are saying you knocked up?”
I huff out a laugh. “Yeah, and it’s not gossip.”
“Wow.” She pats my hand. “Then congratulations. That’s amazing news.”
I try to smile, but from the way her brows pull together, it probably looks more like a grimace.
“What’s wrong?” she asks. “Sure, it was probably a huge surprise, but…why the long face?”
I rub the back of my neck, my heart thrashing against my rib cage. “Because I’m terrified. The fear of hurting this girl is getting the best of me. I’m afraid I only want her because I’m grieving. Because I’m lonely. Because I don’t know how to fill the hole in my chest that opened when Owen died.”
Ines examines me for a moment. Then, she shakes her head. “No. If your feelings were tied to grief or loneliness, you would’ve clung to me the way I tried to cling to you. But you didn’t. You kept your distance.”
“But—”
“How often do you think about her? And I don’t just mean when you’re alone and brooding. Are there moments when you’re actually busy, when you look at something that reminds you of her?”
I drop my head into my hands. “All the time.”
Her voice is soft when she says, “Then that’s not grief. That’s true interest. You want this girl because of who she is. Because she’s your person.”
I’m not sure I’m ready to believe it, but her words slip under my skin, straight to my thundering heart.
They make their way to my brain, where I’ve carefully stacked memories of Riley.
Emotion bubbles up inside me. I want to go home.
I want to pull her into my arms. But for now, I push the temptation down. First, I need to see Santi.
At the door, Ines says, “Why don’t you bring your special person to Santi’s birthday?”
A traitorous smile gives away exactly what I’m feeling. My own body is betraying me with its reactions to anything Riley-related.
I’m hopeless.
“I’ll ask her. Thank you so much, Ines.”
She gives me a quick side hug. “No, thank you. I’ll be forever grateful for everything you’re doing for Santi and me.”
“You’re my family, Ines. You’re not getting rid of me now.”
“I was counting on that.” She winks. “See you on Saturday…with your special someone.”
By the time I get home, holding a bouquet of forget-me-nots, it’s almost 5:00 p.m. Riley is curled up on the couch under a throw blanket, the TV on, the volume low.
She looks up as I step into the room, and her eyes widen when they land on the bouquet.
“Hey,” I say, coming closer. “These are for you.”
She sits up and takes them, her expression filled with genuine excitement. Damn, I’m an asshole for not bringing her flowers before.
“Thank you.” Her face falls. “Though if this is penance for leaving me alone all day, I can’t take it.”
Snorting, I sit beside her. “It’s not. I just…” I sigh, suddenly nervous. “I wanted you to know I’ve been thinking about you.”
The corner of her mouth hikes up. “Then it’s very thoughtful of you. These are—”
“Your favorites. I remembered.”
Her responding smile is nearly blinding. “How is Ines?”
“She’s better now. I visited with her for a little while. We talked about the album and Owen, but I spent most of the day at the park with Santi.” I tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear, my fingers lingering on her cheek. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” She lowers her head a fraction. “Went to the store for ice cream and ended up buying all kinds of stuff. Oranges, grapes, strawberries, a jar of honey, and a cheesecake. Your doorman probably thought I was crazy when I walked in, loaded down with paper bags.”
Just the thought of her carrying groceries boils my blood. I should’ve been here to help.
“Did James help you bring them up?” I ask in a strained voice.
“He offered, but I said no.” She shrugs. “I’d already carried them on my own for a block. Do you really think I couldn’t ride the elevator without help?”
“You can do anything,” I murmur, “but it doesn’t mean you should have to. I’m here for you if you need anything. Literally.”
The way she bites her bottom lip sends a hot bolt of energy right to my groin.
“Careful, Hade,” she whispers. “I might have needs you aren’t ready to fulfill.”
I smirk. “Let’s wait and see.”
The atmosphere between us charges, the air vibrating. I lean in, my fingertips itching to feel her skin. Jesus, I want her so badly, it’s fucking insane.
“Hade?” she asks in a sweet voice.
I swallow thickly, my throat dry. “Yeah?”
“Have you ever seen Wednesday?”
What? I pull back. “Um, no. I haven’t.”
“Want to watch it with me? I watched the first episode, but I don’t mind starting over.”
Blinking, I will my brain to fire on all cylinders. Her playful smile tells me she’s aware of the state she put me in. It also tells me she doesn’t regret it.
Neither do I, because flirting with her feels like oxygen—I can’t live without it.